Woman ends relationship to remain childless

"Women like me are told that they will change their mind. You may feel strongly that you don't want children, but if everyone in your life tells you that you will change your mind or that you will regret it, it can be difficult to stay true to your beliefs," she underlines.

39-year-old Jackie Dives knew from early childhood that motherhood was not for her. "When I was 8, my little brother was born and I think I was old enough to fully understand the realities of parenthood and know it wasn't for me. It hasn't changed. I don't want to have children."

Like many women who choose not to have children, Jackie was constantly told that she would change her mind about motherhood, which ultimately led to the end of a long-term relationship.

"All my life, people have rejected my beliefs about childlessness and told me that I would surely change my mind one day. For many years, I experienced deep regret and alienation because I did not consciously choose to become a parent."

The decision not to have children influenced her last relationship. "My partner decided that he wanted to become a father after all. We were together for five years and I had to let him go, even though I loved him very much."

Many of Jackie's friends then said that a woman must be crazy to choose to break up with a man she loved so much.

"I wanted to show other childless women that they are not alone."

Jackie Dives does not want children [TikTok/@jackiedives] Pulse Nigeria

To cope with the immense sadness and grief after breaking up with her partner, Jackie began documenting her daily life and sharing videos on TikTok. In all the videos she posted on social media, she emphasised that she was childless by choice.

One of the most popular was the Day in the Life series, in which she showed what her everyday life was like: cooking, creating art, meditation and meeting friends. "That's why I always emphasise, 'This is what life could be like for a childless artist,'" Dives concluded.

"I want women who don't want to have children to have an example of what their lives can look like."

Jackie added that she couldn't find examples in pop culture or media of women who decided never to become mothers. "I had no idea what my life would have been like if I hadn't followed the path everyone expected me to take," she said. "I felt really alone and weird, and I had to look for other women who had also made this choice."

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"The sooner we normalise the fact that not all women want to have children, the better."

"Finally found my TikTok account," one woman wrote. "I am 42 years old, I have no children, no partner and I often feel like I don't fit in. Thanks for being here!"

"Thank you for doing this," added another. "I was afraid to have children until the internet said 'you don't have to have any.'"

Other people agreed that you don't usually see childless, fulfilled and happy women in movies or TV shows. "You made me realise I'm not crazy or alone for not wanting kids," another follower wrote. "I also think that it is also difficult to find childless women in the media who are not portrayed negatively," another added.

In an interview with BuzzFeed, the 39-year-old additionally emphasised that people should "stop asking women" if and when they will have children. "Women need to be encouraged to do whatever the hell they want to do with their lives," she said.

"The sooner we normalise the fact that not all women want to have children, the better. People need to stop telling women that they know better than they do what their lives should be like."

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This article was originally published on Ofeminin Women.