'God planned it this way' — some women are choosing to return to the kitchen

At a time when the fight for equal rights is on the agenda, a trend is emerging that seems contrary to this progress.

Tradwives are women who voluntarily give up their careers and independence to become traditional housewives.

"A wife is supposed to be submissive and submit to her husband's guidance, and he is responsible for the marriage and family. In fact, it's a great relief for the woman, not any suppression," says 37-year-old Gosia, wife and mother of a three-year-old, a committed tradwife, to Onet.

Other women think similarly to her. However, psychologists see some threats in this trend.

British, Alena Pettitt, the forerunner of #tradwife, emphasises that for her "the husband always comes first." In addition to performing household chores in her free time, the 38-year-old runs a blog called The Darling Academy, where she promotes a traditional way of life.

"I can't imagine my husband coming home after a long day of hard work and cooking dinner for me. It's my role to be at home. Maintaining the house is my job," Pettitt revealed in an interview with BBC.

Women who choose a similar lifestyle believe that the traditional family model with a clear division into male and female roles is the best. Their main goal is to take care of the house, children and their husband's good mood.

However, psychologists warn that the tradwives trend may lead to unhealthy dependencies and abuse. In a relationship where one party has much more power, it is easy for boundaries to be crossed and various types of abuse to occur.

Gosia, a committed tradwife, is not afraid of this threat. She believes that her role is to take care of the house and help her husband, because it is written in the Bible and she is a believer.

"Perhaps in a marriage that is not based on God's principles, a woman who does not work and who necessarily becomes dependent on her husband may be in a lower position than him. Meanwhile, my husband and I consciously swore to each other in front of the altar, we are believers and in our relationship, apart from love, mutual respect is also very important," says Gosia.

"God planned it this way, that the wife is to be her husband's help, she is to be devoted to him, but also submissive. That's true. But the world's understanding of submission is completely unbiblical.

"The fact that the husband is the head of the family does not mean that he is a tyrant and despot, and the wife is not actually a lover, but a servant," explains the 37-year-old.

"Moreover, the wife is to respect her husband, and the husband is to love her as Christ loved the Church. I don't think I need to explain that this love led Him to the cross. Therefore, a husband must love his wife so much that he should even be ready to die for her. There is no question of selfishness, exploitation or humiliation here," says Gosia who adds that being a traditional wife is a real joy for her.

She feels safe, loved, and additionally she does not have to worry about providing for her children, because her husband is responsible for it and the burden rests on him.

When Ania was starting a family, her friends were starting their professional careers. Thanks to her husband's good earnings, the 27-year-old can focus on her family and afford a high standard of living.

"My friends were looking for their place on the labour market, and I was feeling great as a wife and mother. I am lucky that my husband earns well. Like many of my peers, I have never had to wonder whether to put my child in a nursery or stay at home after maternity leave," admits Ania, who considers herself lucky.

Instead of being called a traditional wife, she prefers to be called a modern housewife. "I like to keep my house tidy, and cooking has always been my greatest passion. I'm glad I have someone to do it for," explains the 27-year-old in a cheerful voice.

When asked if she is worried about the future, she answers without hesitation that she is not. "I am aware that nothing is given forever and that various unexpected situations may happen in life. All the more I want to focus on what is good here and now, and not create worst-case scenarios," says Ania.

A 35-year-old resident of Krakow is in a slightly different situation. Aneta has been fulfilling the role of a traditional wife for over five years. Previously she worked in a bank. However, the stress associated with combining household duties with raising a child, commuting and problems in the relationship with her superior helped her make a difficult decision.

"I am a mother of three rascals. Currently, I can't imagine working full time. Children get sick, have extra classes, and the employer doesn't care at all. I was ready to leave for a long time. Today I have no regrets," she says with relief.

For now, Aneta does not plan to return to work. "I do not rule out that in the future, when my children grow up, I will want to return to the labour market. I am aware that it may be difficult for me to return to my former duties and I will have to retrain," says the 35-year-old.

As HR specialist, Natalia Kłubko, notes, the decision to give up a professional career for family life is indeed not without risk. Longer absence from the labour market may weaken a woman's self-confidence, negatively affect the amount of salary offered and, consequently, the amount of pension benefit received.

Longer career breaks can also contribute to unemployment and poverty. "This is of great importance in the case of divorce or other random events, where a woman must financially take care of herself and her children," notes the expert.

Undeterred by the possible consequences, tradwives have also been conquering social media for some time now. The movement celebrating the traditional family model is gaining more and more supporters online.

Estee Williams quit her job to become a full-time wife. "Being a traditional wife is my greatest blessing. I didn't want to be a woman who goes to work and then has to take care of the house," the 26-year-old explained on her Instagram profile.

"I cook all of our meals from scratch, so I usually spend up to five hours a day in the kitchen and two hours a day cleaning the entire house. I shop for groceries and run any errands that need to be run. I serve my husband's every need to make his life easier," Estee said in an interview with The Sun.

You can find more similar traditional influencer wives on the internet. They willingly talk about what their everyday life is like and why they would not decide, for example, to become feminists.

"I am not a feminist and feminism despises women like me. Because feminism is not a movement that supports women. Feminism is a movement that supports women as long as they support feminism," wrote Ekaterina Andersen in one of her posts on Instagram.

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Experts emphasise, however, that tradwives live in their own imaginary world, romanticising reality. Everyday life can be difficult, and giving up independence and decision-making can lead to loss of self-confidence and increasing dependence.

Such a relationship is not healthy; on the contrary, it is toxic. However, the sense of security that tradwives feel may be simply illusory.

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This article was originally published on Onet Woman.