Cheating Happens, But Should You Forgive It? 10 People Share Their Truth

If I had a naira for every time someone swore that cheating was a deal breaker, I’d… well, still be broke, because the naira has no value. But I digress. Everyone enters a relationship with one golden rule: Don’t cheat on me. Yet, somehow, someone always ends up doing just that, and then comes the begging and the crying.

“Cheating and lying aren’t struggles; they’re reasons to break up.” – Patti Callahan Henry

So when I asked a few people if they’d ever forgive a cheating partner, unsurprisingly, most responses were a loud, emphatic NO! because my trust was broken, my heart was shattered, my liver...yen yen yen. All valid reasons, of course. But here’s what caught me off guard: many people said they’d forgive infidelity in marriage. When I asked why, the reasons poured in:

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• Because of the kids.

• Because of the years we’ve spent together.

• Because what will people say?

• Because the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know.

It turns out, marriage softens even the hardest stance. Maybe it’s the investment of time, emotions, or the sheer exhaustion of starting over. At the end of the day, relationships are messy. People will hurt you, knowingly, unknowingly, and wickedly. Yet, because we’re wired for connection, we go again! because for all our talk, nobody really wants to be alone forever.

Enough of my yapping, what do real people actually think? To find out, I asked 10 individuals whether they should forgive a cheating partner. Here’s what they had to say.

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If my partner cheats on me, before I make a decision, I would look at his track record, the quality of his character, and the circumstances that surrounded the cheating. If it doesn't add up, I won't forgive him. However, if I resolve in my heart that he is not a bad person, then I would forgive him on the condition that he is truly sorry, and has put measures in place for him to earn my trust again.

From experience, I will not forgive my partner if she cheats on me. Cheating is not an unforgivable offence, but I will not forgive because women cheat with their emotions. Before a woman gets sexually involved with a guy, she is already emotionally involved with him. Hence, if a woman goes so far as to cheat in a relationship, that means the relationship is already dead or half dead.

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The moment your partner confesses to cheating, after they've told you why, calm down, sip something cold, and update your relationship status to single! There are lines you don't cross, and if you do, it becomes a new normal. Whatever the reason, it's never justifiable to cheat. If it happened once, it will happen again. It's better you fight John Wick than forgive a cheating partner. Once they cheat, dust your pickup lines for a new relationship, and update your bio the very same night.

Yes, I will forgive a cheating partner if she is remorseful. We all err in separate ways, and we expect our partners to forgive and forget. However, if the cheating partner is not remorseful, it's enough grounds to separate. Remorseful for me means when the cheating partner is caught, she is apologetic and truly wants to make amends because she is aware she has hurt her partner.

In a relationship, NO, and this is because a relationship is a time to find out if you can be with someone for the long term. Cheating is a major deal breaker for me in any ship, but it's easier to end a relationship than a marriage. In marriage, it depends on what we stand to lose. If we have kids, I'll try to because I don't want to have a broken home. If we don't have kids, then most likely not.

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For me, cheating is unacceptable in a relationship, but in a marriage, it truly depends on many factors, such as: was it a one-time mistake, the sincerity of the apology, and are they willing to work on the relationship through transparency, counseling, and consistent effort? Without those, forgiveness might not be possible.

I believe mistakes could happen... If we're dating, of course. I can't say about if we're married. But in a relationship, depending on the circumstances, one time can be forgiven. Twice means he will never stop.

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I am unable to forgive a cheater because I will not stop talking about it, and I will not stop bringing it up. I won't let it go. I also think it's an act of wickedness if you cheat on me. I don't even have conversations about the whys because there is no forgiveness happening. When you cheat on me, I feel like I am not enough, and it could make me lose myself. If you can cheat on me, you can kill me.

It's a dealbreaker for me as I am big on trust in relationships. And when I get to commit to someone, the trust level is always at 100%, and every seed of doubt planted drives the level down. I NEVER want to have a reason to check your phones, pry on your calls, ask questions like “Who’s that?” But that will happen once I catch my partner cheating, and it changes everything completely for me.

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I can't forgive a cheating partner because I would no longer have peace of mind or trust in him. I would constantly be left in a mental state that wonders if he's telling the truth. If I were married with children and my husband cheats, I would still leave, because I believe that the children can still have a balanced upbringing even if we are not all under one roof.

To ground this conversation in expert insight, we spoke with Dr. Seun Olabode, a respected marriage and relationship coach, conference speaker, host of It’s All About Marriage (IAAM), and the convener of the His and Hers: Singles and Married Conference.

When asked whether one should forgive a cheating partner, Dr. Olabode had this to say:

However, the Love Doctor clarified that forgiveness is a must for your well-being, but reconciliation is optional.

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She went further, listing the conditions that make reconciliation possible, and stressed that anyone thinking of getting back together after cheating must carefully consider these factors:

• The Attitude of the offender - Are they truly repentant or still defensive?

• The consequences of repeated behaviour - Would a recurrence endanger your health or safety?

• Exposure or confession - Did the offender come clean voluntarily, or were they caught? Voluntary confession often shows a deeper level of regret and willingness to change.

• Accountability and openness - Is the offender ready to embrace therapy, transparency, and accountability?

• Was it a one-time lapse or a repeated pattern of unfaithfulness?

• Did the offended partner unknowingly contribute to the situation? For example, a prolonged period of sexual disconnection without a medical reason can make a partner vulnerable.

• What practical steps will the offender take to make a repeat almost impossible?

• Is the offender willing to honour the boundaries that help the offended heal?

Dr. Olabode advises that forgiveness brings peace, healing, and freedom. Reconciliation, however, requires wisdom, evidence of change, and boundaries.

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