Childfree Dating: How to Find a Partner Who Doesn’t Want Kids

“Who doesn’t want children?” Well, some don’t. In our society, it seems unheard of for anyone to boldly claim they do not want children. It’s like swimming against the tide, against the norm. 

People may ask, “But who will take care of you when you’re old?” or assume something must be “wrong” with you. 

For many, being childfree is a valid choice rooted in personal values, lifestyle preferences, or even spiritual views. And while that decision should be respected, it can make dating a lot more complicated, especially when most people you meet are looking for “someone to settle down and have kids with.”

So how do you manage love and relationships when you know you don’t want children? How do you avoid wasting your time or someone else’s? 

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1. Be honest from the start

Clarity saves everyone. You don’t need to open with, “Hi, I hate babies,” but you should be upfront early enough in the dating process. If children are an absolute no for you, it’s only fair to let the other person know before things get serious.

It doesn’t have to be confrontational. A simple, “Just so you know, I’ve made the decision not to have kids,” is honest and respectful. If they ghost, fine. They were never your person.

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2. Don’t let pressure shame you into silence

In many African cultures, women, especially, are expected to want children or be defined by them. 

But choosing not to have children doesn’t make you selfish, incomplete, or unlovable. Your life is valid. Your love is valid. And you deserve someone who sees you fully, not as a baby factory, not as a future parent, but as a whole person.

3. Look in the right places

You’ll save yourself a lot of stress by dating in spaces where people are more likely to share your values. Try dating apps that let you filter for “does not want children” or at least where people can express their family plans clearly.

If you’re open to long-distance or international dating, Western platforms may have more childfree matches than local ones. But even in Nigeria, they exist. You just need to be intentional and patient.

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4. Ask the hard questions early

It’s not just about whether they want kids now. It’s about whether they’ll change their mind in five years, or assume you eventually will.

Do they respect your choice, or do they subtly undermine it? Are they hoping you’ll “come around”? Do they treat your childfree lifestyle as a phase? Ask open-ended questions and pay attention to their tone, not just their words.

5. Build your own version of family

The idea that family must include children is outdated. Many childfree couples build strong, fulfilling lives centred on each other, their friends, pets, causes, and shared passions.

Find someone who wants to create a life with you, not just live up to societal standards of what’s the norm.

Dating childfree might mean fewer matches, more awkward conversations, and a lot of “you’ll change your mind” comments. But the upside? When you do find someone who aligns with you, it’ll be real.

You won’t be settling. You won’t be pretending. You’ll be choosing love on your own terms.

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