Real Stories: I aborted four times for the same man, and he still left me

“I thought after everything we’ve been through together, he’d never leave,” I whispered to my friend, tears streaming down my face. “But I was wrong.”

When I met Tolani, he was everything I thought I wanted. Tall, charming, financially stable. He told me from the very beginning that marriage was his goal. “I’m not like other men,” he would say, tracing circles on my palm. “I don’t believe in wasting a woman’s time.”

Three months into our relationship, I got pregnant. We were both still trying to find our footing, and he begged me to terminate it. “Babe, I can’t have a child now. Just trust me, I’ll make it up to you,” he pleaded, almost crying. I loved him, so I did it. I told myself it was just a timing issue.

The second pregnancy came a year later. This time, he said his business was struggling. “You know I want us to marry first,” he whispered in that sweet, convincing voice he knows I can’t say no to. “I promise, after this, we’ll start trying.” I believed him. Again.

By the third abortion, my body was no longer the same. My periods were irregular, my cramps unbearable, and my doctor warned me, “You’re risking your future fertility. Think carefully about this.” 

But Tolani was adamant. He swore on his late father’s grave that once things stabilised, he would pay my bride price and we’d start a family.

The fourth time broke me. I was 31, exhausted, and already battling depression. I remember lying on the hospital bed, my hands shaking, thinking, “What if this is my last chance to ever be a mother?” But he held my hand and said, “Just this one time, babe. I’m almost ready.”

Three months later, a close friend sent me pictures of him online, smiling with another woman at their introduction ceremony. I couldn’t believe he would do this to me after everything.

I tried to confront him, but he blocked me. Weeks later, one of his cousins, who had always liked me, called and spilled everything. The woman he married was already three months pregnant. They had been together while he was still with me.

All my sacrifices had been for nothing.

That night, I sat on my bed staring at the ceiling, replaying every decision. How did I become the woman who gave up four babies for a man who was planning a family with someone else? The irony nearly drove me insane.

It’s been a year since then. A long year of tears, regret and therapy. But I’m slowly rebuilding my life. Some days I’m hopeful, other days I feel empty. 

I’ll be fine. Eventually.