"What to Expect When You Are Thirteen" [Writer's contest 2]

A Message from My Future Self

1. When you are thirteen dark red cherry sauce will run down your thighs, punctuated by clots thicker than four quarters pressed close together and smelling like the leftover musty stale tuna fish your Nanny Christiana threw into the trash after making you lunch today. She will sit you down on the third day of your cramp-filled existence to give you that dreaded “talk” and tell you how you can get pregnant by just merely brushing ‘him’ “no intercourse needed” she’ll say. “Touch and it is done.”And you will believe her since you are so gullible.You will try on that special, cotton-filled white airplane. The one with wings for capturing any straying blood. And you will fear he can smell your airplane’s rotting perfume.

2. When you are thirteen your face will be a bumpy ride roughly covered with biological speed breakers an exotic blend bursting with awful looking cream restrained by one thin brittle film of transparent skin. You will stand close to the mirror by your room’s window with new needles in either hand and you will proceed  to naively operate on your rock-riddled face. You will burst one pus-tipped pimple after the other watching as the blood you squeeze out lands on the mirror with a low SPLAT! and slides down the silver-polished glass surface, leaving a trail of the juice from your veins as a reminder, as though mocking you that many of its kind are still, yet to come, and you have just begun.

3. When you are thirteen your older cousin, the tall boy, do you remember him? Yes him. The really tall one. He will start to notice you and how you are changing. Your tops will now cradle lumps the size of twenty grapes put together and your jeans will become harder to slip on. He will start to walk close to you when you go out and he will throw his hands across your shoulders if the other boys so much as glance your way, even just once. He will refuse to let his male friends near you and when you go to McDonald’s he will make you seat farthest away from the aisle. He will insist on driving you everywhere and will tag along with you to each store. And his over-protectiveness will annoy you.

4. When you are thirteen you will try out smoking for the first time in the new guest room. And—no wait. Be quiet! Let me finish. And you will choke on the smoke. But don’t fret. You will not become addicted after just one time  since it will be a paper cigarette anyway. And you will pretend that you are Marilyn Monroe, and you will stand before the fan in your billowing skirt and you will bring your “cigarette” to your lips and the glowing orange flake will elegantly glide and tuck itself into your left eye. And you will knock every thing over- the fan, the chair- in your one-eyed frenzy and you will forget your still burning “cigarette” stub on the new white sheets. And when you return from fixing your eye, you will begin to cook up lies for when mother asks you why there is a black ring nestled in her brand-new sheets.

5. When you are thirteen don’t expect the boys to notice you because they will not. You will be a back-burning shadow, incapable of “landing” any boyfriend. But what do you need one for anyway? Face your books child! And leave “those” girls to do what they do best. But if I had one when I was your age, I’d  think differently. That’s for sure. You will tell yourself “Girls who have boyfriends at this age are cheap.” And you will feel better until you see another couple holding their hands. And you will want to “stone” them with your sturdy school boots when you see them sneak into the shades for heaven-knows-what. Why? Because you don’t have a boyfriend? Face your books child! And leave “those” girls to do what they do best. But if I had one...

6. When you are thirteen Mother will throw you on to a plane and send you off to Maryland where you were born so you’ll spend summer at her sister’s Columbia home. And this summer will be the best summer of your life because all your cousins will be there. And you will go to Six Flags one hot Saturday morning. Or Friday morning- Or is it Sunday? Who cares? You will go to Six Flags nonetheless and you will go on one of those water slides knowing fully well that you cannot swim. What were you thinking child? And you will drop with fear into a pool that is three good inches deeper than you thought and you will cut three of the fingers on your right hand trying to regain your balance and lie about it later on.

7. When you are thirteen Mother’s father’s brother will die from prostate cancer and you will see mother cry for the first time and Father will hold her hand and put her head on his chest and they will look like a cute couple loving it up until you look closely and see the shimmering pools in their eyes. And the house will be eerily quiet with an atmosphere darker than black and Father will cook dinner because Mother will be too shocked to do anything. And he will burn the corn and over-cook the rice but you will all eat it because it is the closest thing to dinner that you will have that night. And when you go to your room it will hit you forcefully that someone has died in the family and you will realize that you too have been in shock all day and you will start to cry. And you will not stop.

8. When you are thirteen you will steal the alcohol from Father's mini fridge after he leaves for work. And you will sneak into the guestroom and lock the door to keep your sister out and open the bottles of Brandy and Irish cream and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink— You will hear Father’s car drive into the compound. “He will have forgotten to take some files with him on his way out in the morning”, you will think to yourself. You will shove the still open drinks into the small pantry in the guestroom and you will “widdle-waddle” into the living room hoping that the alcohol on your breath is not thick enough for him smell. But Father doesn't miss a beat. He will open his fridge and look for his drinks. That was what he came home for.  Then he will ask you why you smell of alcohol and you will be too “drunk” to think of a lie. Girl, you will be in some deep shit—

9. When you are thirteen you will return to Nigeria from your Maryland summer trip. And you will hate the striking difference. And you will wonder why Mother and Father decided to move back after you and your twin were born. Father what was wrong with Philadelphia? Mother what was wrong with California? But these questions you will ask yourself and not them.And beneath the complaints you will see that you like it. This messy, chaotic, fun-loving, diverse country. You will enjoy watching your Indian neighbors fight over ‘chapati’, or the Asians cooking up foul-smelling foods in their backyards or the Americans lugging tiny bottles of water everywhere with them.

10. When you are thirteen Mother will buy you those awful looking pair of shoes that are two sizes too big for you and she will tell you to wear them to school because they are “solid” and “expensive” and will last very long. You will be so mad at her for buying you male shoes and you will refuse to wear them. And she will yell at you and father will take her side so you and your sister will make a plan. You will wear the shoes to leave the house, but each of you will hide a pair of patent leather American Eagle flats in your customized school bags. And once the school bus pulls away, BAM! SHOE CHANGE! The other kids will laugh at you both for having to change your shoes all the time and you will pretend that their jeers aren’t getting to you. And once the bus rounds the corner to your street again, BAM! Second shoe change of the day.

11. When you are thirteen you’ll go through a phase of low self-confidence and you will refuse to take pictures because your acne will get in the way. You’ll refuse to smile because your braces will make you look weird. You will start to feel that you are fat and not thin enough. And so you will start to experiment with eating disorders. You will try anorexia first but you will find that it makes you easily tired. So you will try bulimia next and you will find that once the food hits your stomach it's not coming out again. And so you will contemplate on eating cotton wool balls and drinking only water instead. But it will sicken you till you think “well fuck them. I don’t care anymore.”

12. When you are thirteen Mother will wake you up for church one Sunday morning with a good old yell. And you will mask your face in that chocolate brown sauce and smear electric hues all over your eyelids. A touch of color here and you will emerge- a colorful butterfly from its cocoon. And- chin raised, back straight- you will sashay into church where you will proceed to tilt and wobble in your new orange “heels” which are really just wedges. And when you go to give your church offering you will sway your nonexistent hips and- surreptitiously- (so that Mother doesn’t see) tug your starched-crisp white shirt as you walk by ‘his’ row and finally after church when he comes to talk to you, you will think “YES! SUCCESS!”

13. Now you are thirteen Mother and Father will throw a lavish birthday house party for you and your twin and tell you to invite ten people each. And you will feel like the most important person alive. Now that you are thirteen you will get your period and experience the frustrating life of acne washes, facial masks and skin cleansers. Now that you are thirteen, you will try out smoking for the first time. Now you are thirteen grand-uncle Mike will become dirt again. Now you are thirteen you will steal Father’s bottles of alcohol from his fridge and wear those horrible clogs to school and you will tell yourself that you will never be pretty. Now you are thirteen, life will happen faster than you.

NAME: Chisom Sunny-Eduputa