This darkness [Writer's contest]

Over these past weeks, some crazy shit have happened to me and it has thrown me into a certain darkness

This darkness that overwhelms me gives me a kind of power, these dark clouds -like my children, follow me everywhere...

It has my back, it is my shoulder to cry on

"what crazy shit, if I may ask?

"when was the last time we spoke?two weeks ago?

"the 18th" he said

"On that day, after we spoke, I was on the couch when four men that looked like assansins on horsebacks walked into the house. I watched in fear as they tore it apart, scouring from room to room

One of them walked across the room and started beating Theresa mercilessly

I was horrified, not knowing what to do with this bundle of joy I held so close to my chest

He looked that baby in those big beautiful eyes, barely seven months and pulled the trigger... I can still feel the heat of the lead searing through his skin right there... between the eyes

I tried screaming helplessly for the horror that lay before my eyes, when two of them reached for me and had their way

I could not muster the strength to fight back because as I lay there, my face shoved into the ground and the savages -one by one, tearing me up from behind, inside out... I was washed into this emptiness; no thoughts, no fear, no future, no past, no joy,no pain... I was numb Just a picture of my little nephew with a sparkle in his eyes even though his brain was scattered across the room

Neighbours rushed in some minutes later and called my uncle to break the news to him. His wife heard and slipped into a coma, our mother simply could not take it

Oby died a few days later but my mum survived

Like life hadn't dealt enough blows, I find out that a man I presumed dead all my life, was kicking and tumbling rocks just to find me

This darkness I speak of is the kind that comes with a typhoon or a tornado, with the dust and mighty wind, razing everything in its path No one knows what happened that day, just you. I can't tell anyone, I can't cry... Frankly, I don't remember how

I've probably had a million baths since but the stains won't come off

I can't seem to get his sticky sweaty skin off

The scars from their nails peeling against my thighs won't heal...

The blood won't stop flowing...

Even, I still feel them inside me

There is anger, rage, sadness, depression, pain, sorrow...

I blend these together and I feel...

Sorry, I can't feel... I'm numb

I blend these together and... I taste! That's it... taste!

What is it I taste again? Joy.

A different kind, not the one you're used to

It doesn't come with laughter...

It has a cackle... like the hyena.

I'm calm, I've found my peace

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. In my darkness and black clouds, these eyes have gone dark, so windows...

And my soul, together with my spirit, drift into the nothingness that surrounds me...

The abyss that is my soul.

Thing is, I don't want this abyss gone...

This darkness is just what it is and what it is is... my strength, my friend, my very own

It flows from within, through my veins and fingertips, it obeys me...

Everyone keeps throwing a feat; Nne is depressed, she is lonely, she is loosing it, maybe even suicidal and I laugh because I've found my peace, it just looks alot like death.

So when I say I'm fine, believe me

When I say I'm good, trust it...

Some really crazy shit have happened to me over these past weeks and it has thrown me into an overwhelming darkness. This darkness, my darkness.

NAME: Sandra Okoro