Bestie II [Writer's contest 2]

Hey Bestie II, I am lonely. Maybe by my own making or maybe not but I want you to be my best friend. I promise to give you all the beautiful juicy details of my life and leave out the boring parts. I might not talk to you every day but you know I will always talk to you when I feel bothered or sad or happy. And just so you don’t get bored, I won’t miss a single word or description at least I will try not to but remember I live a very boring life, nothing newsworthy ever happens.

July 19, 2009: A Graduation Day I’d rather forget

It was finally over, the deception, the lies, the friends, the enemies, the naiveté, the boredom, the restriction, the close mindedness. Everything was over, blissfully and truthfully over. I could finally leave this dungeon of people I have had to reside with for six years. The relief that swept through me at that point, even now I can’t describe it. I felt free. High school was truly over. It was over, finally. I didn’t have to stay in that blue hell anymore. I can honestly say I had no connection to anything or anyone there even after wasting six years. That might have been my fault for being antisocial and awkward or it might have theirs for being spoilt, undeserving bullies. I couldn’t lie like they did, or bully or deceive or cheat or maybe I just didn’t care enough to get them well. Whatever the reason was for my absolute disdain for the people and place, it is too late no to bother. I am just glad that I never have to step foot on the sidewalks or the grass or the tiles that made up my high school.

My high school was grand, beautiful, a home away for home. Yet, I hated it with every fiber of my being. It was a place for the rich and affluent. It was built for comfort and not necessarily for education. I didn’t belong there, I felt it the very first day I stepped into Sun Haven and it only grew worse the longer I stayed. I regretted ever stepping foot in that establishment because it became for me a cage, my own personal torture chamber, but it was finally over.

I had just won two awards for being intelligent, yet as I walked away from the graduation hall, I saw nothing and no one except my parents. I walked straight to where they stood on the grassy lawn waiting for me. I heard people crying, I wondered why. I was happy or something akin to that. I held my mother’s hand as she congratulated me and we walked toward the parked car. I said no goodbyes, shed no tears, there was no one I wanted to remember, no one who I cared for, I had lived here for six years and no one meant anything to me and I knew I meant nothing to them but yet I hoped someone would tell me good bye or scream my name but no one did, as I expected.

There was no memory I cherished or wanted to cherish, no one I could describe as a friend. Well that was my life for six years, simply empty, depressing and lonely. I knew if I ever saw any one of my classmates again we would be virtual strangers who pretended to be acquaintances and nothing else. But I was glad, it was finally over I could start my life anew in a place more mature. Less restricted a place I could be me.

January 10, 2010: The Day I Left Home

After graduation I waited at home for six months, with no one to call and no one to go out with. I couldn’t wait to get to college and be like everyone else. Make friends, go to parties, get drunk, get stoned, go for classes when I pleased, I couldn’t wait for the freedom. It would be new place, new people, a chance at a new me.

“Are you ready to go Addilynn” I heard my mom from the sitting room. I dragged my bag from my room. I knew I wouldn’t miss it, there was nothing special about, it held nothing of me, it was a place to sleep and keep my clothes, nothing more.

“Yes mum,” I shouted in reply. I knew if I didn’t answer she would continue screaming my name. I looked around for my dad, hoping he would be there to see me off. He was never around and I wonder why I keep wishing for his presence. He did his job as the bread winner well but not that of a father or husband. I still believed he loved us whether he was around to show it or not, I’m sure he did. My house wasn’t a place where emotions were important we all cared for each other but we never talked, we weren’t close. They did their jobs as parents and I did mine. I never complained, never shouted, was respectful to a fault, never broke the rules, got the best grades, I was the perfect child inside our house and outside, by every standard and every book I was the perfect child.

We drove in silence to the airport listening to my mum’s old school songs. My favorite song on the playlist was Dolly Parton’s coat of many colors, for some reason I loved it. I loved old school. Sometimes I sit and wish I was born in a different time, this time wasn’t meant for me, I feel like I was born a century or two too late. It was a one hour drive which took longer because of the traffic, there always seemed to be traffic on the way to the airport.

The silence wasn’t awkward, it was familiar, something I was used to. I turned to look at my mom, she looked comfortable in the new model Range Rover my dad got for her on her birthday. Her perfume was sweet, innocent and mature at the same time, unique to her alone. She had it specially made by a perfume maker in Egypt.

She looked more like thirty-two instead forty-eight, people always seem to wonder about her baby smooth skin that glowed. I didn’t know if I would miss her or not, I stared hoping I wouldn’t forget what she looked like while I was away. Her perfectly styled hair, her lips painted the color of rubies, her perfectly manicured nails that always matched her lipstick and a dress right off the runway. I was nothing like her, with my hair cut short, a plain face and an old, faded jeans and a t-shirt. Most people did not believe I was her daughter, sometimes I didn’t believe it too.

“I will miss you mum” I said without realizing it. She turned and looked at me with a smile on her face that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I will miss you too sweetheart, I always do.” I believed her, I had to, but I knew something was bothering her, I wanted to ask but wasn’t sure what to say, we weren’t close, we never talked and it was too late to form a friendship out of our strict mother-daughter relationship.

We reached the airport two hours before boarding was supposed to start. I dragged my box while my mom walked behind me moving with graceful steps as she always did, I didn’t understand how she could walk so gracefully on such high heels, I didn’t wear heels, don’t know if I would like them or not, I had never tried them, never had a reason to. It took us twenty minutes to check in, after that my mum pulled me to the car park which is quite a distance from the airport. She looked bothered and worried; I wanted to ask her why but kept my mouth shut like I always did.

“My baby, you have grown up so fast. It wasn’t so long ago I rocked you to sleep in your crib and now your off to college.” I wondered why she looked like she was going to cry, I went off to a boarding school and she never did this, I wanted to ask her what was different between my going to a boarding school and my going to college. Why didn’t she do this when I went away to boarding school? I had been living away from her for six years, why was now so different. As usual I kept my questions to myself.

“I’m sorry Addilynn, I am not a very good mother to you,” she said with tears in her eyes.

“That’s not true mom, you took care of me, provided for me, I think you’re the best mom in the world,” I didn’t believe what I said, I had no body to compare her too, so it would be quite a jump calling her the best mom in the world but at that moment it seemed like the best thing to say.

“Thanks Adynn, it feels good hearing that from you, but if I did my job as a mom properly you wouldn’t have a notebook that makes me feel like my mum skills are not up to par,” she opened the back seat door and brought out a note book I hadn’t seen since high school. It was a book I buried with high school, Bestie.

“Mum, there is nothing in that book that should make you seem like a bad mother, nothing at all,” I didn’t remember what exactly I wrote in that book, it was my sole companion in high school, something I rambled to when I needed to pour out my heart. I took the book from her and stuffed in my carry on. If only she knew I had found a new best friend.

“Forget about the book mom, I’m sure what I wrote there is what every other teenage girl is thinking, it is not your fault I prefer to write than talk. Just forget about it and all that matters is that you love me and I love you.” I hugged with all the feelings I could muster but it still felt lacking, something was lacking as always in our relationship. She looked at me with sad eyes and I felt bad, I made my mum feel this way. For the first time in my life I was a bad daughter, a bad person. We had nothing else to say after the awkward hug, so we said our good byes and I walked alone to the waiting area and sat waiting for my flight to be announced on the speaker.

There was thirty minutes before they would call for passengers to begin boarding, so I pulled out the note book and started reading. I was lost among the words on the pages. I read till I could no longer see the words, my tears had blurred my vision and soaked my notes. I was ready to leave it all behind, the note and the emotions behind it, everything. College was my new chance of starting anew and I’m going to hold onto to it with everything I’ve got. I left it on the waiting chairs before boarding the plane.

The plane took off on time and two hours later, I was driving down the road to my new college. I don’t know why I picked this particular college, but as I entered the hope I had seemed diminish and I didn’t understand why. I was finally in college.

January 22, 2010: My First College Party

My first days at the college weren’t mine. There was too many things to do before school started, activities the school had put in place to help us freshmen get accustomed to the school environment. Oh it was good. Now it really felt like I was about to get my second chance, to make myself a life that was actually worth having.

College was what I expected it to be, and yet it wasn’t. By the time school started I was prepared for classes, made some acquaintances and overall was more comfortable than I ever was. I had selected my classes, moved into my assigned room and was preparing for my first college party with my roommates or at least they were trying to convince of how much fun it would be to go.

“Addilynn, you have to go, it is the first big party of the semester. You’re going to regret it if you don’t go” Jemiya said from her bed where she was putting on her dress for the party. Jemiya is a rich man’s daughter you could smell the money on her but for some reason she seemed to be humble and tolerant, not really what I’m used around extremely rich kids.

“I don’t want to go Jemiya; you guys should go without me.”

“You have to go Addy, you just have too” Anne begged. Anne was a model; there was no other way to describe her. She was six feet tall, walked like a model and looked like a slight wind would blow her away.

We were all freshmen, all settling into school but somehow they looked more relaxed, more comfortable, they just looked more that I was. They were really getting in the college life. I was still adjusting I guess. I’m slower than most people in that regard. I really didn’t want to go for the party. I didn’t know many people, they had friends they could hang out with during the party, and I didn’t. It would feel like my high school parties if I went. Me, standing by the sidelines watching other people have fun, that was how it would end but how could I explain to girls who looked like they could win a beauty contest on a bad hair day that I felt lonely in parties or that I knew they were going to hang out with their friends and I would be standing alone and I didn’t want that. Even though I had come to college to be like other college kids, I guess being a normal college kid might not work for me, parties and all. I prefer the books to the people so I believe I will stick with what I prefer.

They were still trying to convince me while I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going. I looked at Jemiya and Anne, all dressed in their beautiful dresses which I considered inappropriate for any occasion and their beautifully made up faces which seemed to have a funny look on it. I’m not an expert on human facial expressions but I believe they had something akin to disbelief on their faces; it seemed like they couldn’t understand why anyone would refuse to go for a party. “I ………I really don’t want to go guys but since you guys invited me and I get a free ride, why not.” I could hear myself speak but I was pretty sure that is not what I wanted to say, I was pretty sure I was going to refuse their invitation. But it was too late now to take back my words so I got up put on my jeans and t-shirt to go for my first ever college party.

“How do I look Addy?” Anne asked. I wondered why someone as beautiful as her would be asking about her looks.

I took in her very short blue dress, long slim legs, and skin the color of cappuccino and wondered if I could ever look this beautiful. “You look beautiful, like you always do,” I guess she was just fishing for compliments. I knew what she wanted to hear so I told her exactly that. She looked beautiful as always but I could not approve of the length of her dress which barely reached mid-thigh and had no covering at the back. She looked like a slut but a beautiful and expensive one. It wasn’t my place to judge her and I did answer her question truthfully. As truthful as she wanted it to be.

“If you are going, dress up or we will be late” Jemiya shouted from her sit in front of the mirror. I believe she was applying the final touches to her several layers of concealer, foundation and powder. How she could bear to have such on her face I would never understand. She was beautiful without the makeup, I was confused on why she spent hours putting on makeup she didn’t need.

“I’m all dressed Jemiya; all that is left for me to do is put on my converses.” These were my best jeans and my newest polo. I had nothing else to wear.

“Why don’t I lend you something to wear?” It sounded like a question but seemed like a comment. I stared at her dress and knew I could never put on something like that, not ever.

She stood up from her sit and walked to drawer and pulled out a pink dress that seemed even smaller than hers. “Thanks, Jemiya.” Surprising myself with my answer again. I really didn’t want her dress. I have always dressed for comfort not for beauty. And I knew she was going to bring out something very beautiful and very uncomfortable.

“Try this on, I think it would look really good on you,” I took the dress from her hand and tried to hide the look of surprise on my face. I really wanted to ask her where the rest of the dress was. Now that I held it in my hands, it looked a lot shorter than it did in hers. I pulled off my jeans and polo and put on her little pink dress. I hoped it didn’t fit. At least then I would have an excuse not to put on this dress or go for the party.

I tried it on and I fit like a glove. I looked in the mirror and what I saw couldn’t have been me, it was someone else. Someone who was beautiful, sexy and slutty, all at the same time. It wasn’t me. They sat me down and made me up; by the time they were done I looked like they did. One of the beautiful people; it was perfect. I was perfect; maybe looking like a slut wasn’t such a bad thing. I looked like they did, and I believe I felt the same way did, overflowing with confidence. We walked to a car parked right outside our dorm, and a very expensive looking car at that. I felt beautiful, arrived at the party in a beautiful ride surrounded by beautiful people. I thought maybe, just maybe at this party I wouldn’t be lonely or feel left out.

We arrived at the party late as all beautiful people do. Everyone separated and went straight to their friends and I was left standing alone and out of place. I guess I knew but just kept hoping it wouldn’t happen.

I was beautiful like they were; I looked as slutty as they did, so why was I left standing alone in the mist of people I didn’t know. I looked for my roommates and they were having fun, dancing and drinking and making merry and I stood dragging down my overly exposing dress and hoping someone would put me out of my misery. I walked to the edge of the club and sat down on one of the fake orange leather seats. I watched as people danced and drank the night away, all having a good time and making happy memories while I sat in my little corner regretting why I ever agreed to come for this party. I still looked like they did but I guess a dress and makeup doesn’t really change a person.

It reminded me of the monthly parties we had in my high school. It was almost the same just that there was limit to how slutty you could dress and there was no booze flowing around but it always ended up the same way. My friends begging me to go for the party, dressing me up, dragging me to the school hall and then leaving me to my defenses which I know cannot handle the crowd alone. My friends never understood how much I hated being around people I didn’t feel comfortable with or how bad it made me feel to be left alone standing and staring as they had fun. It was sad; the people I used to call friends never noticed my discomfort and always dragged me to these ridiculous and scary affairs. I wonder why I let them do that over and over again. I guess I just always wanted to please them.

I slept off on that tacky orange leather seat till Anne woke me up and told me it was time to go. At that moment I hated her and Jemiya so much but I smiled as I usually did and we all walked to the car, them reminiscing about their night and me listening and hating them all the more. The funniest thing that happened that night was watching them puke their guts from all the alcohol they had consumed but then I guess they still got the last laugh because I had to bathe them and dress them and put them to bed. Sad isn’t it.

After acting mummy to my two very drunk roommates’, I laid on my bed and cried, I always seem to cry alone and crying with you always ruins your pages, I can’t do that to my Bestie. I don’t know why I was crying but I did, and things and things kept going round and round in my head. Stupid things, irrelevant things, things that didn’t make sense in daylight when my head is clear and made even less sense to my half sleepy, half teary mind.  But I finally managed to get to bed when the sun was shining outside my dorm window. Before I slept I decided that me and parties where never to set foot in the same place at same time ever again. I hope this time I can stick to what I say.

February 9, 2010…………………………………

I hate college, why would anyone one to come here, this isn’t what I expected. The people here are even more stupid and childish than the people in my high school. How is it their business how I live my life. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I don’t like parties why should they judge me because I prefer being immersed in a book than mixing up and laughing at someone’s idiotic joke. The worst part is that believe that they are all grown up and the way they live their lives is the best way to live. Why should the judge my torn jeans and faded polo.

It’s not any of their business. I came to college so I could get away from close minded hypocrites only to find out that college is just an exaggerated version of high school. Why should they judge me? I never judge them ever. Even when they tell me stupid little irrelevant things they believe are larger than life secrets. I never judge them, why can’t they just leave me to be me or at least give me a chance to find me. I don’t one to be like them who have decided that there is only one way to be a college student and enjoy it. I’m sad but I’m strong I will live it out like I did high school and come out better but I hope a miracle happens, I don’t want to leave here like I left high school. And as always, I love the environment and hate the people.

February 16, 2010: After Valentines; My Brain; My Heart

Thank God, Valentine’s Day is over. It was the one day I despised. I could never stand the arrow wielding cherubs, the red hearts and lovey-dovey look on people’s faces. Why couldn’t it be me? I’m a nineteen year old girl who has never had a boyfriend; I have never even had a Val. My “friends” in high school said there was be something wrong with me and some point I started to believe it too. I didn’t even have male friends. Maybe I give off a lesbian vibe. This valentine was no different; I could hear my roommates talking about all the gifts they planned to get and all the boys who asked them out to the Valentine’s Day dinner. I listened from the bathroom while they talked. I really believe there is something wrong with me. How is it possible that a nineteen year old girl has never been asked out on a date or even had a secret admirer? Maybe boys don’t like smart girls, maybe I’m not pretty enough or just maybe, maybe, maybe…

Well, valentine’s day was over and I had a presentation on the Hitler and his life as a leader and like any other grand overachiever, I decided to pick out the one reason Hitler was a great leader and watch the class argue over it while I laugh from the podium. The topic of my presentation was ‘The Charisma of a Man Named Hitler’. It was fun to see the look on every ones face when I started talking about him like he was the example of a perfect leader. It was my first class that day and I was full of energy. After my presentation, came the questions. All plain with no depth, very dumb questions I could answer without thinking and it lead to very boring class, for me at least. They all gave the same reasons why Hitler was a bad leader and every single time I gave a very beautiful answer. It wasn’t really a lot of work.

“Hitler killed more than six million people to achieve a dream which he was never able to complete, why would anyone one refer to him as a hero” said a girl who seemed to be smartest in class, I enjoyed shutting her down. This is where I felt most comfortable; I loved to shock people with my thoughts and words.

“Who built the school this school?” I asked her and I could feel everyone looking at me.

“Mr. Michael Akindle,” I couldn’t believe she answered, even if she did it in her very annoying condescending voice.

“What does he do for a living?”

“He is a respected politician,” well the game was getting interesting.

“How much has he stolen as a politician?” I waited for an answer but it didn’t come. “How naïve, you believe that Mr. Akindle is a hero for building school and industries but you overlook the millions that died because of the money he stole. Just because you cannot count the number he has put in the grave you think he is better that Hitler. They are both killers, murder is murder whether you did it directly or indirectly, yet you see one as a killer and the as a hero.” After that no one asked questions and my professor looked more surprised than the rest of the class. Mission Accomplished. While I stood enjoying my personal victory, I noticed a boy staring at me from the back of the class. He hadn’t said anything all through the class. I never noticed him, maybe because he always sat at the back and I was always on first row, but now I noticed, who wouldn’t notice that smile, those eyes and he was staring straight at me. I was lost in my world with his smile I didn’t notice class had ended until the professor tapped me on my shoulder.

“That was a very interesting presentation, I enjoyed it,” said Mr. Fergone. He always looked so bored, I am glad I put a little vibe into his seamlessly boring life. I believed he was stupid, not smart enough to teach a philosophy class at least. But you do the best with what your given.

“Thank you Sir, that means a lot coming from you,” I said. He left the class I turned back to look for my new crush and he was gone. I felt sad; I hope I can see him before the next class.

February 28, 2010: So in Love

I’m in a relationship with Mr. Cute Eyes, I can’t stop smiling and dancing and singing. Since the day our eyes met in class, we sought of became an item but today its official he finally asked me out. After that class we ran into each other at the school cafeteria and since then we went everywhere together. It is special, very special, I can feel it in my heart, and I was meant to be his in every way. I know we belong together. When we first started talking I was my usual shy, introvert side, the side I showed to the world but somehow he was able to drag out my bold, naughty self that I wanted to show the world. We talked about everything, from Japanese animes to novels to football. We liked different things, I thought his hobbies were stupid and he thought mine were cute but silly. In normal situations I always lie about the way I feel but with him the need to make sure my words pleased everyone wasn’t there. I was able to be one person, to be myself, share my opinions without fear of criticism. I felt happy and free, I found someone I could be myself with. And this was just the first day. By the second day he knew all my secrets, the little secrets I did have. We were friends in every sense of the word and we only just met.

He is tall and huge, just like Tom Welling (my all time crush) in Smallville. He is a bad boy but a little boy at heart. I am truly in love with Jason. There is no one else for me, I know it. A few days after we meet, I was doing my solo crying routine on my bed when my phone rang, I picked it and it was Jason. I tried to hide my tears but somehow he knew I was crying even though I tried to hide it. he walked from his dorm to mine and just listened to me ramble, he was the first person to see me cry in a long time. Somehow he knew what I needed and just listened to me without dropping those lame comments that people always drop to console each other. He let me be strong but remained a rock by my side in case I needed extra.

Though there is a lot about him I love, what I love the most is that we could talk about how stupid clothes are these days and also talk about world price all in one hour. A boy whose body I loved and a mind which could keep me interested in this thoughts. When all this happened, I wanted to scream from the rooftop, wanted to tell the whole world but I knew you were the only one who would listen to me, well except Jason. I only had you to tell , you alone wouldn’t judge my decision and think I went into it too fast, only you would understand.

I wish had met before valentine’s day, maybe this year’s own wouldn’t have sucked but I know we have many more valentine’s day to come and I will be waiting for it with the love of my life, Jason

May 5, 2010: I Love You, Bestie II

To the best friend in the world, thanks for being the ears I needed and for keeping me sane when no one else knew I was about break with the thoughts I couldn’t share. I love you Bestie two, I might not have become the college kid I wanted to be when I first got here but now I have found me and you kept me sane enough to meet the one person who would become my friend, my healer and my lover. I know that this will be the last time we talk but I will always remember the way my pen always flowed on your pages and you kept all my words close to your heart.  I Love You Bestie II. Bye bye.

NAME: Lotana Jessica Nwosu