3 ways to know she's not that into you

All men are dogs; all women are b*tches.

All men are useless – this comment right here, is why I avoid salons as a rule. It's like being forced to attend a convention of frustrated women. Eek!

The only thing a man wants from you is sex; as soon as he gets it, even if he is your husband, he will start maltreating you. The answer I had for the giver of this 'pearl of wisdom' is a matter for another day.

But fact is – evil is not restricted to any gender. Some females try to come for me, when I tell them, “You goofed and my own brand of feminism isn't about celebrating evil just because it's got a bra and panties.”

For a while, I've received desperate SMS (not text messages, save-my-soul messages) from desperate men who have been treated badly and are confused. No, I am not a counsellor; I just notice human nature. Therefore, I'm telling you three things to know, in order to avoid unnecessary stories that touch. Thank me later.

She acts like a warehouse, that thinks you are her personal ATM.

If you keep giving and you honestly cannot think of anything she has given you, you are on a longer thing than the trekking trekkers (you know those ones who were walking from one state to the next, to prove solidarity … or seek attention). Cosmetics, food, rent, clothes, shoes, school fees, imaginary hospital bills, birthday parties – and you're not even married to her; were you put on the planet just to meet her needs? She doesn't even ask about your mother, unless she's trying to suck up to you.

Please, if that chic is like this, do not marry her, because EFCC will come for you. As a woman, I can categorically tell you that when we love, we give. No, we don't go and buy you a private jet, but we don't just collect without thinking about you. No, sleeping with you isn't giving you anything; unless you're really crap in bed, she is also getting something out of sex with you. And no, this is not an excuse for some lazy-behind “boys who shave” to think they should be demanding a woman's money; matter for another post …

She says that her friends and family that you've never even met, hate you.

The only way that people who have never met you, can hate you, is because someone has told them something about you. In this case, that someone is her. A woman who is into a man, does not paint him in an unflattering light to her friends and family.

She plays mind games, that leave you feeling worthless.

Erm seriously? Why do you have to put up with this? If a woman loves you, her role models aren't the most deranged characters she can find on Africa Magic. She doesn't tell you, “I am going to sleep with your friend” then later say, “But you should know I was only joking”. She doesn't mock your sexual performance, then claim later that “Eh, but I was angry when I said that; you cannot take anything I say when I am angry, seriously.”

She doesn't tell you after two years of dating that she's “not really sure I want to marry someone from your tribe” and she sure as heck doesn't throw your gifts in your face, yelling, “Is it this small thing you brought me?” She's just greedy; return to #1 above and re-read for your sanity's sake.