Joey’s Chronicles Of A Lagos Ajebutter: Jumping ‘Fashola’ Buses

I came into Lagos, a young, fresh, innocent man, without knowing the stress of jumping buses. My skin glowed like it was the sun, and when I smiled, the sun blushed in envy, because my smile was brighter than its glow. But that was before I began to jump buses, Danfos and BRTs at junctions, and highways. Even buses in full speed, I still jump and catch them. Just like those silly, unbelievable motion picture tricks in movies.

I know I’m an Ajebutter, and I’m supposed to use cool taxi cabs and posh cars for transporting my fresh fat self.  I tried it, and gosh, the expense created a BermudaTriangle (a big hole) in my pocket. If I had continued, the only food I will soon be able afford will be soaked garri and Ewa(Mashed beans) bought from the road side, while peeping if anybody will catch me.

So I had to start joining the BRTs. The BRTs are big mammoth buses created by the Lagos State government, aka, “Fashola” as the governor is called. First I had to buy small tickets from state vendors who never have enough change to give me complete balance.

“Bros, Abeg no ten naira, I no get change”.

I’ll wave it away, with a swagger. What’s N10 to an ajebutter? Nothing. But one day when my ATM card had a problem, that N10 felt like N100,000 to me.

“Bros, no ten naira.” The seller pled.

“I no gree.” I fired back. “today you go give me my  change complete.”

I really needed that N10. The seller, a young chap, was perplexed. He stared at me for a brief moment, sized me up, and decided against refusal. As if he knew I could start the third world war for that ‘change’. He simply let out a hiss, found a N10, and handed it to me  with a weird look on his face. Hurray! I had my N100,000 worth of N10.

Next was the standing in the bus. It is not fresh o. But then I have to do it, get to work early, and write this chronicle. I stand in the buses, and if it’s my lucky day, stand beside other fresh ajebutters. Sometimes, bad luck finds me, and I have to deal with people who probably have never heard the word ‘soap’ before.

I once had acute malaria simply from inhaling someone else’s stench. Fact!

For now, I’ll continue in Lagos to make money. If it means jumping BRTs and flying from bridges into Danfo buses, I’ll do it o.  As long as I make the money. I could even use it as good practice for a time when I’ll join Nollywood. God bless our hustle.

See you next week.