Are You in Love or Just Horny? 

The feeling of love and lust can be confusing. They always start the same way: your heart races, your mind drifts, and suddenly, one person becomes the main character in your daydreams. 

In a hyper-visual world where we first scroll through IG profiles and watch their snaps, attraction is instant, and it’s easy to mistake physical desire for emotional connection. 

The "90-day rule" from Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, is an effective way to filter your emotions and gauge your love interest’s intentions. 

This rule advises women to delay inviting a man into their home and having sexual interactions until they have been in a committed relationship for at least 90 days. 

It’s normal to mix love and lust up, but it’s important to understand the difference before you are far too gone.

Lust is powerful, intoxicating, and honestly, a little chaotic. It’s your body talking louder than your heart. Lust isn’t bad, but it’s not the same as love, and mistaking it for love only gets your heart broken.

Here are nine clear signs you’re experiencing lust: 

Your desire is rooted in how they look, smell, touch, or move. Without the physical features, the connection feels empty. You think about them in sexual or fantasy-driven ways where their body is the focus more than their character, values, or life story.

Conversations stay surface-level. You talk, but not about anything meaningful. No real vulnerability. No personal depth.  You don’t know their trauma, ambition, goals and values, just vibes, their favourite sex position, flirting, teasing, and physical chemistry.

Not because you’re avoiding it; you simply don’t see them in your long-term life. The connection feels temporary or situational.

Once the sexual energy settles, the excitement drops. You feel less connected, less interested, or less eager to engage.

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You don’t feel comfortable being emotionally open around them. Keeping things light and playful feels safer than revealing anything true or vulnerable.

You want the rush, the dopamine spike, the intensity, the thrill. It’s about how they make you feel physically, not who they are emotionally, mentally or spiritually. 

Lust is exciting, but it’s unstable. It makes you feel urgent, scattered, or overly fixated instead of calm and grounded.

They say love is blind, but truthfully, it is lust that blinds. You overlook incompatibilities, attitudes, or behaviours because the chemistry is clouding your judgement. 

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Love is a feeling of strong affection for another person. It is slower, steadier, and far more intentional than lust. We show it through kindness, affection, loyalty, and all the little things we do for one another.

Love creates an atmosphere where you can exhale. You don’t feel the need to pretend, perform, or be perfect. Instead, you feel seen, heard, and understood, even in your imperfect moments.

Love thrives in everyday life: talking, laughing, running errands, and sitting in silence. You don’t need physical intimacy to feel close; their presence alone brings comfort. In fact, this is the brightest and clearest sign of a healthy love.  

Their company encourages growth in every aspect: career, emotions, finance, etc. You feel like a better version of yourself with them, not a smaller one.

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When you love someone, their happiness, goals, and emotional state genuinely matter to you. You think about their needs, not just your desires.

Love encourages you to open up: your fears, dreams, insecurities, and truths. You trust them enough to let them see past your walls.

It’s not forced or born out of desperation to settle down. Your mind simply includes them when you think about long-term plans. Whether it’s career, travel, or family, they naturally fit into the vision.

Their character impresses you more than their looks. You appreciate their values, mindset, work ethic, kindness, or emotional intelligence.

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Love doesn’t eliminate disagreements, but it influences how you approach them. You want to work through issues, not win arguments. You apologise, not just to keep the peace but because your heart is unwilling to keep grudges against them.

You make time for them. You show up. You check in. You give energy. You show effort without shame, even at the risk of being labelled a simp or pick-me.

Love doesn’t feel chaotic. It doesn’t send your nervous system into survival mode. Instead, you feel grounded, balanced, and emotionally full. 

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Love is an emotional connection rooted in trust, comfort, and long-term intention. Lust is a strong physical attraction driven by desire, fantasy, and chemistry. Here are the key differences between love and lust.

Lust makes you hooked on the attention. You’re constantly anticipating texts, snaps, and flirting. With love, you’re calmer. You’re looking for connection, clarity, and something real.

Lust also gives you that crazy rush. Your heart’s racing, but your mind isn’t exactly thinking straight. But love feels different. It fills your heart and calms your mind, like you can finally breathe.

Another big difference is how you see the person, and your body reacts to the sight. Lust makes you see them only from a sexual angle, while love is grounded. You see their flaws, you see the real them, and you choose them anyway.

To figure out the exact thing you’re feeling, put yourself to an emotional test. Ask yourself this: 

• If physical intimacy wasn’t on the table, would I still want this person around?

• Do I feel emotionally safe and comfortable around them?

• Do I care about them beyond physical attraction?

• Do our values and long-term goals align?

If the answer is yes, it leans toward love. If the answer is not really, it’s likely lust. Although your clarity often appears after the intensity fades.

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Here’s the part most people don’t know: your brain reacts to love and lust very differently, but in a way that can feel almost identical in the moment, which is why it’s so easy to mix them up.

Lust floods your brain with dopamine, the “reward and pleasure” chemical. It triggers excitement, cravings, fantasy, and impulsive desire. Love, on the other hand, activates oxytocin and serotonin, the “bonding and stability” chemicals. These make you feel safe, seen, calm, and emotionally connected. 

The twist is that in the early stages of both, dopamine is high, so everything feels magical.

This overlap often tricks your mind into thinking lust is love. The real difference shows up over time, when the dopamine rush settles, and deeper bonding (or the lack of it) becomes clear.

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Yes. Lust can become love when emotional bonding, vulnerability, shared values, and consistent communication develop over time. Without emotional depth and maturity, though, lust remains temporary.

However, you don’t have to force a label immediately. Love and lust can overlap, and both can be meaningful in their own way. What matters is understanding your feelings, recognising your intentions, and choosing connections that serve you.