Here's how to help your partner get more relaxed receiving

For so many of us, it can be easier to give than to allow ourselves to receive. 

So if you’re with a partner who struggles to receive your attention in the bedroom, here are some ways you can help them relax and understand that they’re deserving of your time.

1. Maintain consent

Your partner should always have the ultimate authority on their own body. If they don’t want to receive oral sex, that’s their choice. If they don’t want you to help them orgasm, that’s their right. Letting your partner know that you understand this dynamic can actually help them feel more comfortable receiving. 

2. Get interested

It’s not your job to be your partner’s therapist, but your partner may appreciate you trying to get a better sense of their experience. Start with something like, “I’m just curious to understand what this is like for you. When I offer to focus on you, what kind of response does that bring up?” Then listen to what they have to say. You don’t have to try to fix your partner. The most powerful thing you can do is listen.

3. Don’t make it about your pleasure

It’s awesome to be a giving and generous partner. But what’s not so awesome is pressuring your partner to receive so that you can feel like you get a gold star in the bedroom. Of course, it feels satisfying to bring your partner pleasure, but you should want to give to your partner for their pleasure, not just for your own. Your partner may be resisting receiving because they can sense that your attention has an ulterior motive.

Do you need someone to talk to about your sexual lifestyle? Do you have questions about sex? Do you want your sex life to be better? Send your questions to hotpulse@pulse.ng