'Am I stupid?' by Fatimah

Kunle is every girl’s dream. He’s handsome, well built, intelligent, deboniar and very rich. No one knows more than I how lucky I am to have him.

What’s more, I’m totally, stupidly, completely in love with him, and I like to think he feels the same way. As a beautiful and well shaped girl, we make a good couple, we look perfect together. Our friends pray to find the perfect match and have a relationship like ours.

However, my two best friends Ruquayah and Folashade seem to think something is wrong. Really, I don’t know what the fuss is all about. They complain that he shouts at me and uses derogratory words to address me sometimes. And that he also hit me hard enough to leave marks a couple of times, but they were just mild bruises anyway.

Kunle only shouts at me when he’s angry, and it’s my fault that I make him angry so often, afterall I know he has temper issues. And he doesn’t mean it when he calls me whore or thrash. I know he doesn’t. Afterall he met me a virgin, and he’s the only man I’ve ever known.

When he hits me, it’s because I’ve made him very angry. Like when I talk back at him. Or when I attract attention from too many men when we go out. I know he doesn’t mean it, it’s just his temper. Kunle loves me, he doesn’t knowingly hurt me, it’s when his temper overtakes him.

Ruquayah and Folashade have asked me many times to leave him. We’ve had bitter arguments over it. Why should I leave him? We all have our flaws, and anger is Kunle’s. I know he’ll change with time. Although the day I suggeated therapy to him, he gave me a black eye. I’m sure he just needs more time.

I can’t leave Kunle. He’s the man who took my virginity, he’s the only man I’ve ever lain with. I’ve gotten pregnant three times and gone under the knife those three times for him. I have never imagined a life without Kunle in it, how can I start now.

Moreover, my family is in Ebonyi state, I live with Kunle in his sohisticated 4-bedroom flat in Lagos. Kunle is responsible for my education as well as that of my siblings. In short, he’s the ‘bread winner’ of my family. The car I drive and my boutique in Ikoyi were provided by him. Kunle simply does everything for me and takes care of all my family’s financial responsibilities. He even sends me abroad on holidays.

After 5 years with Kunle, it’s unthinkable that I leave him. Where do I start from? Building a new relationship from scratch is not a prospect that holds any appeal. As a beautiful girl, men are always making advances, how do I know which is real and which isn’t.

How do I know if they love me like my darling Kunle. Moreover, how do I maintain the upper class lifestyle that I’ve become used to with Kunle? I don’t even have accommodation of my own in Lagos. And though I run a successful business, I don’t make enough to comfortably and conveniently afford the latest phones, brazillian hair, designer dresses, perfumes, jewellery and take trips abroad.

These are things I’ve gotten used to and taken for granted because Kunle does them. Besides I can never ever love another man the way I love my Kunle. Ever. I’m willing to put up with his shortcomings. Besides he always apologises, and in the sweetest ways too. When he calms down, he apologises sincerely. He even kneels down and cries until I say I’ve forgiven him.

As a man, a tempermental one at that, it’s understandable that he’ll hit me a few times. Afterall, my own father beats my mother at the slightest provocation. And he, unlike Kunle never apologises. If she claims to be upset and doesn’t cook for him, he just repeats the beating all over again.

Even my aunt, Aunt Bimpe gets beaten by her husband on a daily basis. Kunle is not like that, he’s always sorry afterwards. Leaving Kunle is tantamount to admitting defeat. All those other girls who have been eyeing him would now have him on a platter of gold.

And all those my jealous girlfriend who have envied my perfect relationship all these years would get a chance to gloat. Even if I leave Kunle, I can’t get another man as good as him. I just can’t. Kunle is perfect.

Although I know Ruquayah and Folashade love me and only want what’s best for me, I won’t heed their advice. They’re wrong on this. I can’t leave Kunle. Ever. There’s just too much at stake.

Fatimah is a writer and an aspiring baby girl. Check out her awesome writings on the wanderinglass.com and follow her on Twitter @FlawlessMilo

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