How To Talk To Your Kids About Racial Inequality And Social Injustice

"Our children learn about these very sensitive topics from us, from their teachers, from their friends, and from the media," says Ashanti Woods, MD, a pediatrician at Baltimore's Mercy Medical Center. "Therefore, if we, the parents, do not address it, it will likely come from another source . As such, it is important for parents to be involved in the conversationbetter yet, even initiate the conversationto listen, and then steer the conversation with accurate information."

Rob Keder, MD, a developmental and behavioral pediatrician at Connecticut Childrens Medical Center, agrees that taking a proactive approach is important. Research shows us that talking with children about the topics of race, inequality, and social justice can make big changes and leave lasting positive impacts on a childs development," he says. "On the other hand, not talking about these issues leads to the development of implicit biases, which can lead to further problems.

Of course, racial inequality and social justice can be difficult topics for even adults to discuss. So, how are you supposed to cover them with a child? Every family, situation, and kid is different, but experts say there are a few things to keep in mind. Here, we've broken it down to help you broach the topic with your child(ren) in an age-appropriate manner.

For Toddlers And Younger

For the youngest of children, Keder says it's a good idea to read childrens books that promote inclusion and that celebrate diversity and differences.

Here are some you can start with (all of which have been sourced from black-owned bookstores):

For Toddlers Through Preschool-Age Children

As kids get a little older, Mary Fristad, PhD, a psychiatrist at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, says it's smart to address the basics of race and why people have different skin tones. That means acknowledging that, yes, different people have different skin colors, and its based on where their ancestors are from.

Tell your child its not a good or bad thing, its just reality, Fristad says. At the same time, she recommends telling your child that all people, regardless of their skin tone or appearance, should be treated with equal respect.

Make it clear to your child that it's okay to notice physical characteristics and differences, says Jacquelyn L. Doxie King, PhD, a pediatric neuropsychologist at Nationwide Childrens Hospital. "However, they want to be careful not to make negative judgements based on those," she says.

It's also important to help your child see how differences are a good thing. "The best practice in discussing race is often explaining the beauty of how different each of us as individuals areas in short, tall, big, heavy, black, white," Woods says. "Parents should emulate embracing each persons uniqueness."

For Elementary School-Age Kids

While its always a good time to talk to your children about these topics, Fristad says news stories can provide a good starting point . Now is a good time to have these conversations, she says. And, if your child has questions about what is happening right now, Fristad says its important to answer them as honestly as possible in an age-appropriate manner.

If your child has questions about what, exactly, is behind the George Floyd protests and riots right now, Fristand recommends keeping it simple: You could say that a person was treated very badly, he died, and that shouldnt have happened. Then, reiterate that we should always treat people with respect.

Keder also recommends calling out examples of early bias and inviting your child to make positive choices. Developing this awareness is key, he says.

For Older Kids

If your child is 8 or up and/or you think they are ready for it, King suggests using the recent news as an opportunity to talk about historical and institutional racism . "Understanding history can help explain why certain words or statements are hurtful and why current events may be happening," she says. "Remember to highlight that racism is not a thing of the past."

You can also make an effort to follow up with your children about racial inequality and social justice when youre doing something as simple as watching TV , Keder says. You can point out and discuss negative stereotypes that are demonstrated in movies and television shows, he says. You can celebrate when people demonstrated courage in celebrating and speaking up for people who are different.

For this group, Keder also recommends reading age-appropriate books about historical context of race and inequality. You can discuss heroes like Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Keder says. Some great options (again, from black-owned businesses): Who Was Nelson Mandela? , Voice of Freedom: Fannie Lou Hamer , and Woke: A Young Poet's Call to Justice .

In all of this, it's important to recognize privilege, both your own and that of your child , says Jennifer Walton, MD, MPH, a developmental behavioral pediatrician at Nationwide Childrens Hospital. "It is difficult to teach a child about privilege, if the adult does not acknowledge their own privilege and bias," she says. "If you have done that, which is a process, and encouraged diverse exposure to your children, be a model to your children in your everyday activities, everywhere you go, [and] your interactions with others. You can still have the conversation, and it may be easier to do that when the child or teen has seen you in action."

This video that's been going viral can be a helpful tool in discussions with your children around privilege:

If Your Child Is Afraid

Its completely understandable that your child might be afraid if they hear about what has been happening, and Fristad says its important to be honest. If you are an African-American boy, being fearful is a very understandable response, she says. If youre an African-American teenage boy or young adult, you have reason to fear.

In situations like this, Fristad recommends talking to your children about what to do if they are in a situation in which they will be interacting with police. You probably have your own thoughts on the matter but, if you need guidance, PBS teamed up with the SALT Project, Trinity United Church of Christ and Christian Theological Seminary to develop the short film, " ."

The film specifically recommends tips for people of color if theyre stopped by police, like to be polite and respectful, stay calm and in control, try to avoid getting into an argument, keep your hands visible at all times, and remember that the goal is to get home safely. Its devastating to even think that this needs to be discussed with your children, but Fristad says that its really important for parents to have this discussion with their sons and daughters. She adds, Be really explicit on how to act in those circumstances, because it does matter.

That said, letting your child know you are there to help and protect them can make a big difference in how secure they feel, Keder says.

King agrees. "To the extent possible, remind children that they are in a physical safe space and support predictability and routines," she says.

Overall, Fristad says its important to have age-appropriate discussions with your children about this but, most importantly, have the discussion at all. In large part, let the questions come from your child, but its important to communicate that you are open to having this kind of painful discussion, Fristad says.