‘Women Teach Sex’ is Pulse’s weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure and what women expect good sex to be and feel like.
How many hoe phases can you go through in a lifetime. Unlike many people who think that it is a once-in-a-lifetime solo run, the subject of today’s ‘Women Teach Sex’ says it is possible to have a ‘hoe phase encore’.
Tell me about the first time you became aware of sex
I am not sure but I was really young. Maybe from movies or something, I can’t be sure. But I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know what sex and sexual activity was. I’ve always just known.
Tell me about the first time you had sex
Ah. I think I was in Primary 1. I started very early. It was with one boy in my class - his name was *Greg. The first time we tried, we could not even make it happen. I mean, we were like 6 or 7. But we knew that if we were to have sex, we would need to drop our panties and he’d have put his dick inside me but of course his dick was too small and he could not even have an erection. We were children.
So after we tried and tried, we left the whole thing. But he started bringing porn magazines - torn pages filled with pornographic content. Then he started bringing this phone to school which always had porn and we’d watch together. I don’t even know where he used to get those videos from. We still tried to have sex in Primary Two during that year’s prize-giving day but we were still too young. That was how we shelved the whole idea of sex altogether in Primary school.
But I had become hyper-sexual. Like, I was so aware of sex and what it meant so I was always talking about sexual stuff in class with my friends.
What’s your sex life like these days?
Hyper. I often do it with multiple men every week. Like literally, that is what I tweet about all the time. I’ve always been a very hyper-sexualised person and I just told you why. I was barely six when I know exactly what sex was and how it happens and stuff like that.
I actually have a lot of sex, maybe too much sex. Sometimes in a day, I do it with multiple people. Although there could be dry spells sometimes. Like, I could have sex in one week back to back and then the next week there’d be nothing. But generally I do have a lot of sex. For example there was this guy I slept with. When we started, at some point he started losing weight because sometimes, it could as much as 5 times in a day. I just keep wanting to have more. It’s never enough.
Is this something you are bothered about in any way?
Eww, no! I am not concerned at all. I actually like it. And I do it protected at all times. So what’s there to be bothered about? Although before now, I was really bothered. I was a Christian then so of course I was bothered as it was against my religion. There were times I’d even have sex and pray for forgiveness and weird stuff like that. Now, I’m no longer a Christian. I literally have no limits. I don’t feel like I’m offending anyone by having sex so I just go ahead and have it.
How about your partners, are they keeping up?
Ahhhh. Nigerian men!!! [prolonged laughter] Nigerian men are so fucked up. Some will say ‘let me catch her first. I’ll show her!’ Those are the ones that will even get tired most easily. The thing is, I’ve had different partners and for the ones I’ve had problems with, it was usually for different reasons. There was one who had issues with the number of people I was sleeping with, even though he told me it was never going to be a problem. But the truth is I’m an amazing person so I guess it’s a bit difficult to walk in and out of my life or to want to willingly share me with other people. LOL.
So I’ve had problems with partners who feel like I’m having sex with too many people, some partners who feel like I’m asking for too much sex from them. Infact there was one who wanted to wife me and suggested prayers for me sef. Of course, that didn’t work.
I think this is a perfect time to ask about your romantic relationships
There’s really nothing to tell because I don’t date. Last time I dated anyone, I was 20 and it lasted just two weeks or so. I don’t even know how to date, or where to start from. So when people want to date me I’m always like ‘nah, I don’t date please.’ This thing is actually not for me. Maybe when I am older and my hoe phase is over, ehehn, I’ll probably date then. Not now.
So you’re just not interested?
Errrm… there were times when I have actually been interested in a relationship but I found that I just couldn’t. I wouldn’t know where to begin from. Sometimes I start dating and then I forget all about it. The person I’m dating would call like twice a day and I’d be thinking ‘why is this boy disturbing me? and then I’ll remember like ‘oh, shit, this guy is meant to be my boyfriend!’
I think it’s hard for me because I didn’t start dating on time. I started the sex without commitment thing earlier and it just became my thing to objectify men as soon as I see them, as opposed to thinking of them as relationship material. Coming back from that now is hard. Maybe when I’m older sha.
How old are you now?
So you’re more for sexual compatibility when you meet men for the first time?
Yeah. When I meet someone, I think of sex with them. I can’t remember the last time, if there ever was a time when I met a guy and thought ‘oh, maybe this one should be my boyfriend.’ I’m usually thinking of how high can this guy hold my leg… stuff like that.
When did you actively enter this hoe phase?
Let’s call this one my Hoe Phase 2 and it began after I stopped being a Christian. Back then I was not having this much sex, I won’t lie. I was having a lot of sex for a teenager, don’t get me wrong. I actually used to have just two guys at a time or something like that but I had to sometimes delude myself into thinking that we were in a relationship just to feel a little better about having sex with them.
But I activated this second hoe phase when I became an atheist. I said to myself ‘this body is my body. Ok. Let me play with this body that is my body.’ So now I don’t have any holdback and I don’t give a fuck. If I am not having sex with a guy, it is purely because I don’t want to, not because of a religious inhibition. And I really like it.
Has there been any disappointing experience so far?
Maybe not disappointing but an experience I can never forget was when I was going to have sex with this boy and I ran away because his penis was too big. I have never seen such a thing in my life.
The most ignorant opinion of a woman’s body you’ve ever heard?
I once had this guy who said that if I slept with someone with a bigger penis than his, that my vagina would expand and if it was with someone with a smaller dick than his, my vagina would contract. Right off the bat, I knew he was saying rubbish even though I was fairly young at the time. I was 18. I’ve actually heard a lot of rubbish from men about women’s bodies. In fact, I don’t think there’s anything a man has said about a woman’s body that there was no coma inside.
What does sexual pleasure mean to you?
Penetration itself. Not foreplay. I get distracted naturally so if the foreplay is too long I may just start pressing my phone.
Even during oral sex?
If that shit lasts longer than 10 minutes, I’m tired of it already. 7 or 8 minutes is fine please. I just want to move on to other things. I always want to do another thing. Even during the sex, I don’t want to stay in one position for too long.
So how would you rate your sex skills?
Maybe 6 or 7 because the way men don’t let me go… I think there’s something there but let me not overrate myself.
What is your most embarrassing sex monent?
One time, I suddenly got my period during sex when I was on vacation in another country. He noticed it while giving me head. I was so embarrassed. I wanted to cry.
The worst sex you’ve ever had?
Ahh. I was doing BDSM one time and I started crying. The guy was first using this feather thing and I wasn’t shouting as he expected so he asked if I could take more pain and I said yes. I just felt one kind of pain on my back and started crying. I turned and found that this guy actually used. That was the worst day of my life.
And how about the best?
This guy in Port Harcourt. God. I think about this guy all the time. We met at the airport randomly as I was about leaving PH. I’d gone to look for something to eat before boarding and that was how we met and got talking. We talked till my flight went by [he actually didn’t want me to go]. When the time came for me to return to the hotel, he asked me to come with him to his house instead and that was how I went to his house.
I should have left PH on Thursday but I went on to stay till Sunday. And I only left because I had to go to work on Monday. Even he didnt want me to leave. It was that good. Sadly we never got to see again till he left the country.
Why do you think it banged
He was intentional and he knew what he was doing. But I think the most important thing there was how it was unexpected.
One popular sex act you consider overrated?
And one that is underrated?
I think many people miss out on the wonders of fingering. I hope they see the light. And sex toys too. Sex toys are great. I don’t think enough people rate sex toys.
What is that sexual thing you think every woman must do before they die?
Prioritise your pleasure. You are not a man’s plaything. Get your orgasm and move on. The reason why I have no regrets or bad experience to share is because I don’t even give space for such things to happen. From kissing, if you suck at it, I just get my bag and leave.
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