Women Talk Sex: 'Being clueless about sex does not bother me'

‘#WomenTalkSexByPulse’ is Pulse’s weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure, and what women expect good sex to be and feel like.

This week's candid conversation is with a young Nigerian babe who says despite being a virgin who is also clueless about sex, her sex life is a solid 8/10. Read on.

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Can you please tell me about your first time

Uhmm. [Big laugh] So I’m technically still a virgin. I’ve not had sex so if your question is on the first time I did it, I guess you have your answer already.

Interesting. And you’re how old?

I’ll be 22 in two months.

Ok. So let me back up a little. When did you first start picking up knowledge about sex as a thing that people do?

Oh. For as long as I can remember oh. As far back as primary school sef. But that curiosity was quickly tapered off with the stringent warning of how sex was off limits and how dangerous things could get if you do it at a young age, blah blah blah… you know how this thing goes around here.

I do. Was this warning a thing you got at home or where?

Oh, everywhere oh. School, home, church, friends’ parents at some point. It was just everywhere for me. And most of it, I think, is because of how big I am and how quickly I entered into that growth spurt phase. I was already looking like a 25-year old as at the time I was 17/18. People found it hard to believe that I was still in secondary school when I was writing WAEC. I was easily the biggest kid in my class - tall and big-boned - I could have passed as a freshman or even 200L university student even as at then.

Mad o. You know this makes your sexual journey even more fascinating, right?

How so?

I mean, with your rapid growth and all, I’m guessing you must have gotten a lot of passes from men…

Oh, that! Of course. Wo, see ehn, it was a mess o. People chasing me, buying me gifts, offering me things that I dare not even collect because how will I use them? Men were offering to buy me the latest iPhones. Lol that one was such a common thing even before I left secondary school but I was always like “how am I supposed to explain this gift to my parents?” LMAO. More than anything, that was my deterrent. And of course, I knew I could not offer them what they wanted so what was the point? But to be frank, it was because I couldn’t use most of those things that I didn’t collect them o.

LMAO. So you would have collected them if you could?

Before nko?

And if they’d demanded sex?

Men are not really that difficult to be frank. Some of them would still hand over those expensive gifts even if I expressly told them no sex. I mean, I’ve seen it play out when I finally got to uni and started collecting the gifts. I’m not nacking you, sir. Do you still want to give me the gift or not? And they’d hand it over.

LMAO. Fair enough. So this pressure to have sex never gets to you?

Not exactly. I mean, it’s there undeniably but I don’t feel under any pressure to be honest. Besides, I hear trash sex is what is mostly out there and let me not lie, I am also lowkey scared that it’d hurt the first time. All this coupled with the fact that I still carry some of that guilt from my conservative upbringing… It makes me kind of impervious to the pressure. At least, so far.

I see -

Oh, and one more thing.

Ok?

Let me not lie, I am also clueless about sex. Like, I don’t know what I’ll do if I were to even get down with someone now. Like, I always feel like I will fumble it. I know you are to kiss and maybe give head and all that but I feel like I’ll suck badly at those things. So yeah, that helps me stay from sex too. I know when I am finally ready to really explore, I’ll figure it out with someone.

That’s something. So you’ve never kissed or fumbled around with anyone?

A few stolen kisses here and there but I should not lie, I am always in my head so I usually run away before things get too intense.

In your head how?

It use to do me as if I am doing rubbish and that the other person is only just going along with it, instead of enjoying it.

Have you ever asked any of them for feedback?

Omo. Shame will not let me do this one oh. I know I should ask. My friend thinks I can’t be that bad and that I may be surprised that they liked kissing me back but she’s just a virgin like me so I don’t rate her advice on sex that much. LMAO

LMAOOO. Your friend in the mud

Keep me anon o, please. LOL

You got it. But maybe you should ask or just go with the flow next time

I probably should

But I wanted to ask: how about you? Do you enjoy those stolen kisses?

My legs tingle, yeah, but that’s pretty much it. Plus I have such a small time and personnel sample to judge by, so this is a bit tricky for me to answer.

This question will sound like a shade but please rate your sex life

8

Ohh?

Well, I am doing what I want to be doing at this stage and I’m satisfied so, yeah, I am an 8. If I ever want to have sex and I can’t, or the sex turns out to be trash, then my satisfaction would dip badly. But for now, my cluelessness and reluctance to have sex feels fine for me. So I’m good.

That perspective is a bit different but I fuck with it. So far you’re happy, I think you’re good

I am. I really am. May 2022, the itch would get overbearing and I’d have to scratch it but we’ll have to see sha.

Hmmm

You know what they say: new year, new me, innit?

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