People Call It 'Lavender Marriage': Here’s Everything You Need to Know About It

Not every marriage is about love, chemistry, or even a romantic connection. Some unions exist for convenience, privacy, or survival, especially when society makes it difficult to live openly. One of the most intriguing examples of this is the lavender marriage.

You might have heard this term thrown around online, in Hollywood gossip columns, or in discussions about celebrity relationships. But what does it really mean? And why should anyone care?

A lavender marriage is a marriage of convenience where one or both partners are secretly part of the LGBTQ+ community. These marriages are entered into primarily to hide sexual orientation from society, protect careers, or avoid social stigma. In short, they’re about appearances rather than romantic love.

The term originated in the early to mid-20th century, using the colour lavender, which has long been associated with LGBTQ+ culture. Historically, these marriages enabled individuals to navigate social and professional pressures without being ostracised. Today, while society has become more accepting in many places, celebrities and public figures have sometimes still used them to protect their image or privacy.

Lavender marriages are often associated with Hollywood’s golden era, where being openly LGBTQ+ could end careers. Here are some notable examples:

• Rock Hudson & Phyllis Gates:

One of the most cited cases. Hudson, troubled by rumours about his sexuality, married Gates in 1955. She claimed she believed the marriage was legitimate, while Hudson used it to maintain his public image.

Cornell, a celebrated theatre actress, married her stage director, McClintic, in 1921. Their marriage allowed them to live and work closely while preserving privacy about their personal lives.

Swedish actor Asther, who was known to be homosexual, had a brief marriage with Duncan, resulting in a child. The marriage offered social cover without altering their private realities.

The English broadcaster and journalist, Spain reportedly considered a lavender marriage to disguise her relationship with Laurie, a magazine editor.

While these are high-profile examples, lavender marriages are not exclusive to celebrities. People from all walks of life have entered them for protection, convenience, or social acceptance.

The reasons behind lavender marriages are varied but often revolve around safety and social pressure:

• Career Protection: Especially in the past, coming out could mean losing work opportunities.

• Social and Familial Acceptance: Families or communities could react harshly to someone being openly LGBTQ+.

• Privacy and Emotional Safety: A lavender marriage could provide a buffer, allowing individuals to navigate their personal and professional lives discreetly.

A lavender marriage is usually built on mutual understanding. Both partners agree on public appearances and the boundaries of their private lives. Some may live together like a traditional couple; others might maintain separate routines but present a united front. What they share is often companionship, trust, and sometimes even friendship, even if romance is absent.

Like any relationship, lavender marriages have upsides and downsides.

Pros:

• Provides social and professional cover

• Reduces scrutiny from society or family

• Offers companionship and mutual support without romantic pressure

Cons:

• Lack of romantic or sexual intimacy

• Emotional strain from secrecy

• Misunderstandings if expectations shift over time

Lavender marriages are sometimes misunderstood. People assume they’re “fake” or shameful. The reality is more nuanced: these marriages often represent a survival strategy in a world that hasn’t always accepted LGBTQ+ lives. Some are practical, others are deeply functional, and many are based on mutual respect and understanding.

Lavender marriages show us that love and commitment take many forms. Not every partnership is about passion or romance. Sometimes it’s about survival, respect, and mutual support. Recognising the complexity behind these unions helps us approach stories of love, identity, and society with empathy.

Lavender marriages challenge the idea that love must always be visible, romantic, or conventional. Sometimes, love, or at least mutual understanding, exists quietly, behind the scenes.