"Your turn" [Writer's contest 3]

I'd always known that marriage is not a bed of roses. I love my husband...no my kids... no my home... sincerely I don't know which I love most but anytime I decide to break up with my husband's know I can't bear the pains I went through after the death of my mother. I never grew up with the love of a father, never lived with him.

My mother had kids for my father nd two other men and was never married to my father. My grandma had kids for 2 different men,my great grandma had only a kid but was married twice. In my growing years,had it behind my mind that I'll have only a child but I will never be married. Along the line I changed my mind when i met my husband.

We shared the same view of not getting married but wanting a kid . My husband was to travel out of the country and I was to base in the country but when I got pregnant,our plans changed. I don't know as per my husband but for me I was determined to make the marriage work, so I saw in my husband. When i look back i believe that,it was the opposition from my in laws that strengthened the bond between us .

We are married now both of us have a good job but the bond is not that tight, I accuse not, really my husband cheats badly on me . He leaves home for days, comes home sobered. My husband eventually broke the camel's back when he got a lady pregnant , the said lady had two kids outside wedlock, To God be the glory she lost the pregnancy but before then I went through hell as I have two girls and she said the scan report showed she was carrying a boy.

Its all history now but I have the urge to find solace some place but in the light of it I don't want a divorce! I hate the thought!!!  I love my home, my three daughters & my husband . I hate divorce, broken homes i went through so much pain in the hands of people . My ego fails me sometimes and I hate to admit it . I lost my younger brother to death through cultism, maybe just maybe he wouldn't have joined if there was a father after the demise of mummy. It hurts real bad and the pain goes on. I'm starting a small group with young ladies,women so that we can rub minds together especially those of us that come from broken homes, did we enjoy it do we want our kids to go through  the pains or "joy" we went through? Am so confused but I want to live and live happy!

NAME:  Adetoun Orisagbemi-Ofuoma