'Thou Shalt Not Live By Bread Alone' by Fatimah

Mama Chikordi was a peculiar exception to this injunction because she, quite literally, lived on bread. Her eldest son was a big oga in a big oil company, but whenever he visited, which was often, all he ever gave his mother was a loaf of bread while he handed his father wads of cash.

Now this was exactly how Papa Chikordi liked it. He was the owner of his son and heir; therefore he should enjoy the fruits of his child more. What did Mama Chikordi need more than bread for anyway, what did she need money for? If Chikordi starts giving her envelopes full of cash like he now, she would start to be proud and raise her shoulders at him.

Pa Chikordi liked how she had to cajole him every time just so as to get a tiny share out of the money Chikordi always pressed into his palm at the end of every visit.

That was the place of a woman; she had no business expecting huge monetary gifts from her son, because that honour was due to only him.

He would still provide for the family out of that money anyway, but mostly he would provide Amaka’s needs. Amaka, the sweet baby oku that kept his blood hot, his lust sated but left his desire on the rise. Chi mo! That girl was something else, fresh, yellow skin and big, big breasts, even her behind was a large feast. Chei! Chikordi better visit this week just as he said he will, because he needed to see Amaka again, he wanted a repeat of that kung fu monkey style she gave him in bed the last time. But the girl was asking for a blackberry, and knowing her from past experiences, she wouldn’t even let him touch until she got what she wanted.

Papa Chikordi scowled and bellowed “Mama Chikordi wey my food nah?! You wan make hunger end me before you go bring am? You this woman, wetin dey worry you so??” Mama Chikordi hissed in the kitchen. Foolish man! It is in food or money matter that her husband will be screaming like they had injected him with dog vaccines. Rubbish! In fact, she should have had her people return the bride price so she could be free of the tyrant. How did he expect her to pound yam and prepare ofe nsala in just about 30 minutes.

If anybody asked her, this husband of hers was an onye ara. But thank God for small mercies, Chikordi was coming to visit in two days time, and she was going to get her loaf of bread as usual. That alone made up for everything else, her special loaf of bread was more than enough compensation. Mama Chikordi’s face lit up with a smile as she hurried out of the kitchen to attend to the glutton she married 30 years ago.

Two days later when Chikordi walked into his parent’s house, the aroma of different stews from the kitchen permeated the atmosphere. He was glad to be home, even though he had a place of his own now, this place just always had a warm feel to it.

He hugged his mother warmly and had to mask his irritation when, three seconds later, his father pried him out of her arms and took his arm possessively as he led him to sit. Chikordi sighed mentally, this man was a pain in his behind, the tyrannical man had been merely a figurehead in his life during his younger years.

He knew how many loans his mother had taken, how many of her expensive wrappers and jewellery she had pawned off to ensure he had the necessary books and other comforts in school while his father gambled and drank away. Now that he was finally somebody, his father had become a leech, accepting and even demanding cash gifts from him at will. But that wasn’t even his grouse, it was that, despot that his father was, if he gave his mother any money, the man would find a way to confiscate it, he remembered an incident that happened when he was in his first year of university.

His father had somehow discovered where his mother hid her money, ALL her savings, the bastard man had taken the money and picked up a girl, a girl that he brought to the house and made his mother prepare breakfast for the next morning. Insult upon injury! Knowing his father, he couldn’t do more than give his mother a loaf of bread each time he visited, while he gave his father an envelope full of cash.

Mama Chikordi was sad to see her son go later in the day, but she was even happier that she had seen her baby’s face today, her boy needed to hurry up and settle down so she could have grandchildren to bounce on her knee. Her husband was yelling for food again, why the pig even bothered to eat at home right before going out to his whores was something she never understood.

Why should she be the one to feed him well while he went to exhaust the energy atop those toothpick leg girls?

“You go wait make I turn garri?’she asked him. “Because all the fufu wey I turn for afternoon you don finish am so.”

“I dey hurry o! I no fit wait abeg. Which kain wife you be sef, wey food no dey always dey ready. If no be for God I for don return you go ya papa house aswear”

By now Mama Chikordi was exasperated “abeg abeg! No dey talk that kain word for my ear Papa Chikordi. No ves me. Why you no go chop for where you dey go? Nor be comot you dey comot so? Mscheeeeeeew!”

Papa Chikordi knew he had just lost any chances he had of his wife making him dinner. Rubbish! He needed energy for that Amaka girl, and now that he had money to give her for her phone she was going to be extra grateful. That meant different, amazing skills in bed tonight, chei! At the mere thought of what could be, his loins stirred.

No way he was going to see Amaka on an empty stomach, he needed food, as well as liquor induced stamina. Just then he saw the bread that Chikordi gave his mother, that would have to do. “Ok nah. As you nor gree gimme food, I go manage this bread wey Chikordi carry come”

Mama Chikordi was out of the room in a flash and she snatched the loaf out of his hands just as he picked it “over my dead body! Manage wetin? Manage wetin Papa Chikordi? The money when he giff you, I follow you manage am? No, I ass you kweshon o! I follow you dey manage am? Ordinary bread wey my pikin gimme your eye stee dey enter am? God punish devil!”

Papa Chikordi was amazed. What is wrong with this woman? She won’t cook for him and now see as she was screaming at the top of her voice because of bread, ordinary bread! He tried to snatch the loaf out of her hands but she held on and glared at him with nostrils flared, murder in her eyes.

Thus began a tug of war, they dragged the bread back and forth until the poor thing split in the middle.

Papa Chikordi stared at the bread with surprise, he was completely astounded! Mama Chikordi glared at him with resignation and determination, with her steely gaze, she dared him to speak and see if she would not tear him to pieces.

But Papa Chikordi’s jaw was still on the floor in shock, for inside that loaf of bread, was crisp wads of cash, the whole loaf of bread was filled with money. Dollars. No wonder she was always happy with her loaf of bread. No wonder.

Fatimah is a writer and an aspiring baby girl. Check out her awesome writings on the wanderinglass.com and follow her on Twitter @FlawlessMilo

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