Women Teach Sex: What's the point of penetrative sex when we never orgasm from it?

It rarely pleases anyone. So what's the point?

WomenTeachSex: The Fed-Up Edition

‘Women Teach Sex’ is a weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure and what women expect good sex to be and feel like.

This week on #WomenTeachSexByPulse, we spoke with a 24-year-old Nigerian woman who, among other things, believes that the whole idea of penetrative sex is not so favourable to women. ‘If we can’t orgasm from it, what then is the point?’ she asks.

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If you could rate your sex life over 100, what would it be?

It would be 80 as of now.

Why 80?

So far I have taken time out to know what I truly what when it comes to sex These includes my -Sexual structure -Sexual style -Level of intimacy -I am sex positive I believe you should do whatever you want without judgement this can include celibacy too

Let’s go back a little. When was the first time you had sex?

I was 18. In year 2 of uni. I am 24 now.

Did it meet your expectations?

I actually had no expectations then. So technically, I'd say yeah. I mean, what I got then was the only thing I could measure good sex by.

So there's been like six years between your first time and now?

Yes.

How would you rate men over 100?

I’d say 70. If you find a man willing to learn, it’s a big advantage. Men aren’t clueless they know what they want, they show signs but we sometimes ignore.

This is one of the highest ratings I've gotten so far. Must be nice.

Lol. I’ve actually had bad experiences too but I knew it was my fault because I didn’t create boundaries and stick to them.

Tell about the worst sex of your life. Like, the total worst

The worst was when I was with a person who was always guilt tripping me into thinking sex was the major way to prove love.

Hope you cut loose quickly enough?

Yes, I did.

And how was that like?

He was always saying that I was not meeting his sexual expectations. He never asked me what I personally wanted. I figured if we do not have a clear plan and communicate properly it wouldn’t work. I tried communicating and he felt his needs were more superior so I opted out.

Must have been dark times. Thank God it's over

Yes.

Let's focus on happy memories now. Gist me about the experience that was so good that nothing has beaten it till date

The best was with this guy. And I know it was because we connected intellectually and emotionally before sex. We were buddies before the sex so that was a bonus. We communicated before and during sex. We also gave sexual feedback so it was very good. No need to look peng during Sex or be who you are not. It is fun when two open minded individuals communicate effectively during sex and even after We omit sexual feedback a lot when it can actually help us be better.

Lol. Who expects anyone to look peng during knacks?

Some people do.

Mad. Ever had to fake orgasms?

No. I don’t do that. Premium stress. Imagine me not satisfied I would now be acting drama on top. Abeg oh.

Hehehe. So you just tell him to stop and wear his briefs and go home, that you're not doing again?

Yes oh. Ah, I cannot gamble with my pleasure abeg.

Hahahaha. So I want to ask how that has worked out for you so far

Thankfully, I don't think I have been in that situation.

Ok. Tell me a sexual act do you consider to be overrated

Actual intercourse. As per, penis in the vagina.

Didn't see that coming

Lol. I can get orgasms without penetration so I don’t see the point most of the time. Even for men, a time would come where penetrative sex wouldn’t even be possible. For instance, when your partner gives birth to a child. What happens if they still need to feel some intimacy without penetrative sex. Hope you’ll know what to do then?

Angle. So you have a room full of 1000 men needing tips on how to rightly please women like you. Lecture them with three points

1. Know what you want sexually and communicate it effectively

2. Make conscious effort to be sex positive

3. Normalize sexual pleasure for your partner and yourself [In other words, learn to actually enjoy sex and help your partner enjoy it too]

What's the most uneducated opinion on sex and women's bodies you've heard from a man?

A woman with a big clit has sex a lot. And that a woman’s clit doesn’t stop growing.

Wait. Someone said that out loud?

I was in awe when I heard it. Big clit means someone is an ashawo.

Omo. My gender dey fuck up sha.

Lol. I really hope they are open to learning.

What sexual health stuff do you think enough women don’t know enough of?

Regular testing. I think more women need to realise that getting tested for STIs does not mean they are bad people. See, just do it to be on the safer side especially when you have a new partner. Also your armpits, thighs don't have to be the same color with your body. Normalize that. Your vagina isn’t a flower, it shouldn’t smell like one. Stop steaming your vagina in the name of detox. Can I say something about men?

Sure, go on

For the men, do ball checks, please. It does not mean you are gay. Prostate cancer is real. Do your ball check regularly. Also, men can get yeast infection too. So please wash your boxers and underneath your balls.

What's one sexual thing you recommend every woman does before they're old and full of regrets?

Have sex freely. Without thinking about putting up a performance or trying harder to look good in bed. Let that sex be messy. Just do it with no inhibitions in your head.

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If you loved this episode, another one drops next Friday, and all Fridays after that. Catch it all HERE.

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