The psychology of cheating: men vs women
Men and women cheat for all sorts of reasons. Women often stray because they want an emotional connection or money or both. But experts believe that men tend to cheat for the following reasons:
• Feelings of insecurity, unworthiness and being unloved
• An opportunity presents itself and they grab the chance to try something new
• Lack of satisfaction in their sexual relationships with their spouses, especially when the woman repeatedly denies them sex
• Seeking attention and physical contact
• Probably feels jealous that the wife has been paying too much attention to the baby and little attention to him
• There is a communication gap in their relationship
• An attachment disorder or a sex addiction problem
• The man might be battling with childhood baggage—abandonment, abuse, or was raised in a dysfunctional family
• Monogamy sounds like a joke to him
• He has been socially conditioned to believe that infidelity is a man’s right
• They think they can get away with it
According to a recent study, men who feel less committed to their relationships are more likely to cheat on their partners. Unlike women, many men are perfectly capable of emotional dissociation. Such men can feel attached to one woman (usually the wife), lust after another woman, and be romantically involved with another.
Experts are still trying to find out how the human brain evolved to juggle different relationships at the same time. But one thing is certain: infidelity has many disadvantages.
Disadvantages of cheating
Disadvantages of cheating
If you have asked the question why do men cheat, you probably know that infidelity has many downsides. However, we shall outline some of the problems that come with a chronic cheating habit. Men who cheat are:
• Likely to do a poor job of fulfilling their parenting duties: often, men who cheat are bad role models for their children
• Unlikely to be loving, caring and supportive husbands
• Likely to infect their wives with STIs
• Unlikely to make their marriages and relationships work
How to deal with a cheating spouse
Anyone who asks the question why do men cheat likely wants to know if it is possible to make a man stay committed. Please keep in mind that you can’t make anyone stay faithful to you. If they want to cheat, they’ll always find a way.
However, if you are with a partner who recognizes that they have a problem and they sincerely want to change, you can help them by:
• Understanding your spouse’s emotional and physical needs
• Accepting their sexual advances and being open to intimacy and sexual intercourse when they need it
• Spicing up your sex life
• Communicate effectively and listen to their needs so you can know what areas of their life needs work
• Spend quality time alone together
• Appeal to his sense of worthiness: tell him he’s valued and that you appreciate his role in your life
• Work on yourselves: exercise together and maintain a healthy diet
Remember that man’s decision to cheat is entirely his. Often, there is nothing a spouse can do. If his cheating is as a result of attachment disorder and sex addiction, he’ll need to see a psychologist for his problem.
So, why do men really cheat?
Men stray for a wide range of reasons. If your man is cheating, it is natural to blame yourself for it. You should remember not to blame yourself too harshly. Cheating is often premeditated—meaning that they thought about it before they did it.
If you decide to stay in the relationship—and this decision is yours to make—you can talk to him about what could be making him stray. The idea is work together to find a solution.
It is important to note that communication is key. Open up the communication lines and keep them useful. Whatever you do, avoid nagging. Insults could end up driving a bigger wedge between the both of you.
If you want to keep your relationship, you can win him over by showering him with love and respect. Let him know how cheating affects you and your relationship with him. Tell him about the side effects of his actions, too.
This article was first published on AfricaParent.com