Berger To Ajah: The important lessons we learnt about rape, consent & sexual assault along the way
All the important lessons to be learnt about rape and sexual consent from the viral Berger to Ajah sexcapade.
What has devolved from that is a stream of counter-accusations, receipts, threats, endless opinions, banter, trolling and the birth of a viral topic – Berger to Ajah.
On Wednesday, June 27 2018, female Twitter user, Damilola Marcus [@omogeDami] accused Uche Daniel [@UcheDandyMUFC] of trying to rape her friend, referring to him as a “rapey fly” for good measure.
Shortly after her allegation, another female user apparently slid in her DM to add another accusation to the one already levelled against Uche. Damilola posts the second accusation from the anonymous source, obviously to corroborate her claim that Uche is a “rapey fly.”
“More than one woman has narrated to me their traumatic sexual encounter with One of which was dealing with trauma from a previous rape & gave into his forceful coercion to avoid such trauma again. If you ask me why they won’t come out themselves, you’ll be BLOCKED!” she tweets.
An interested party reaches out to Damilola in her DM wanting to know more about said accusations, and understand how best justice may be served for the people who have allegedly been sexually assaulted by the accused.
This interested party asks questions with an apparent intent to get evidence, and to see if there’s enough to build a case with. However, the exchange with Damilola in her DM doesn’t yield much and ended somehow abruptly with both parties not reaching a common ground on how best to move forward with the accusation.
By this point, Uche’s name was already flying from timeline to timeline, prompting him to come out with a thread attempting to set the record straight and clear his name.
“First things first...I hate drama so I like to keep my private life private... but when your name gets dragged for no reason...you blur the lines and face the drama you were trying to avoid,” the bearded Twitter user writes first, before delving into a thread that tries to exculpate him from the allegations.
In this thread, he reveals that the other woman who reached out to Damilola with the rape allegation is Bimbo Cole [@b_moore_], another Twitter user with whom he had a short sexual affair in 2016.
According to him, “after meeting her...I totally lost interest after “everything” because she wasn’t what she appeared to be on the timeline... and as such the conversations dwindled”, until this allegation of rape that was brought against him
In his defense, Uche says he is not a “violent” person and adds that he had sex with Bimbo twice in one night and she referred to him as a “nice guy” in a later conversation.
”Please how am i a "nice guy" if it wasn't consensual?? More than once that night?? And as clearly seen in the chat... it was a case of "Girl likes boy, they have sex, boy don't like girl, girl is angry" But she has the audacity to call me a rapist...” one of the tweets in his thread his reads.
Social media reactions and lessons
As expected, the issue is still firmly at the centre of everything being discussed on social media at the time of this piece, many hours after it began as a tweet of disagreement.
Opinions are numerous and split in the lines of those who believe the stories of the women, and those who think the man is just a victim of a scorned woman who is trying to get back at him for not being wanted and desired in the way she wanted [or at least, in the way she felt she deserved.]
There are odd piss-taking comments about the looks of the accuser and of course, trolls, ‘hilarious’ banter and memes have been generated from the discourse.
While no one can be 100% certain of what actually went down among this triad except what they have exposed on the timeline, one thing remains clear as day; the issue of rape, consent and sexual assault is still being taken too lightly by the core of those who should have a firm grasp of, at least, the basics of the dirty act.
More education is needed on the meaning of consent which is basically contained in the simple saying that: “no is no.”
Whether it is a man saying no or the woman, the other party needs to desist immediately. What this means is that when it comes to consent and granting assent to sex, there can be no vague communication or coded languages – you have to mean what you say and say it as expressly as possible.
The issue with some women saying no, as a seduction tactic of wanting men to try harder to get them in bed is no longer ideal in the world we live in. If you want sex from the jump or don't want sex, clearly express yourself
Vague communication like this don’t help anything in the grand scheme of things and only further add to the confusion that many still seem to have when it comes to the sensitive topic of consent and rape.
Again, the issue of fake rape accusations need to be talked about. Accusing someone of rape when they have not done such thing is just as bad as committing the crime itself, and could tarnish their reputation and image for life.
More relevant and easily-gleaned from the present Ajah-To-Berger conversation is the need to create an environment for women to come out when sexually assaulted or raped. The longer the time between the act and the report, the more difficult it will be to prove anything.
Women [and men] also need to realise that social media is not the place to report to. As has been shown over and over again with the rape cases reported on social media, no one ever wins in the court of public opinion.
Once such stories are brought to the timeline and are used for banter, they immediately trivialise the subject and in doing so, those who have suffered from sexual abuse run the risk of being triggered.
The right place to instantly report to would be the nearest police station but with the pervading distrust in the force, other options seem better.
In Lagos state for example, Stand To End Rape Initiative [@StandtoEndRape] handles such cases. They are reachable on mobile here: +2348095967000 and via email on email@example.com.
The Lagos State Government also has a Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team [@DSVRT] which has a head office at the state secretariat, Alausa, Ikeja.
They provide a coordinated response to SGBV cases and ensure victim safety and prosecution of offenders. They are reachable through phone calls on 112 and 08137960048.
Their email address is firstname.lastname@example.org.
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