Tips to control your anger by Dr. Imad Bayoun

In a hadith narrated by Abu Hurairah in Sahih Al-Bukhari, a man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and told him:

“O Messenger of God, give me an advice”

The Prophet (peace be upon him) told him “Do not get angry”

And the man repeated his request two more times, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) gave him the same answer each time he asked the same question “Do not get angry”.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said in another hadith “The strong person is not the one that can knock people down. The truly strong person is the one that maintains his self-control when he is angry." So as such, this anger-control can become an indicator of the strength of a person’s personality.

And, subhanallah, the damage or the harmful effects of anger are so many, whether physically, physiologically, or socially because the person actually who gets angry and loses control of course his judgment will be impaired and he may offend people, and then relationships actually get destroyed in the process. We have seen it happen actually on many instances.

How do we Deal with that Anger, How Can we Contain it?

The Prophet (peace be upon him) in a hadith narrated by Ahmed said “When teaching others try to make things easy,” and he mentioned something at the end, he said “…When you get angry, be quiet” When you get angry, don’t say anything, because when a person gets angry of course he will not know what he is saying, and the things you say are just out and you can’t take it back in. And of course the damage would already be there. So, one thing is to make sure that you don’t speak when you get angry.

Another thing that the Prophet (peace be upon him) in a hadith narrated by Abu Dawud said “If you are angry and you are standing up then sit down, and if you are sitting down lay down on the floor.” Try to imagine a person laying down on the floor and angry at the same time! They don’t go together. But the Prophet (peace be upon him) said it’s just one thing to do.

Of course another thing is to seek refuge in Allah Almighty from the Satan, as he said in another hadith. Another thing is of course the hadith that we started with when the Prophet (peace be upon him) says “Don’t get angry,” it means you have a little bit of control over it.

Now when I’m angry I can’t help it. Well, there is a little bit of margin that we can control and that’s really what we are after. So this margin if you can actually control it and try to contain it that would be good.

Another practical thing about this piece of advice is try to look at your own reflection in the mirror. Try to do it. You will be amazed of what you see. You will probably see a different person all together. But look at yourself how you look when you get angry. This in a way will help you try to stay away from that.

Another thing of course is to always keep in mind the reward from Allah Almighty. This is a big motivator as to what we do. Always Allah Almighty will reward the person who does this for His sake.

If things actually didn’t help, maybe you can consider a certain program or course in anger management and relaxation techniques. Those will also be helpful, and alhamdulellah they are available everywhere that we look.

Another good training actually is to go to Hajj. Allah Almighty says in chapter Al-Baqarah 2:197 “For Hajj are the months well known. If any one undertakes that duty therein, let there be no obscenity, nor wickedness, nor wrangling in the Hajj.”

If you go to Hajj, and if you are in a state of Ihram, there is no argument in Hajj. Even though everything is going to push you to argue. You are around three million people doing many things in so many different ways, not in the best way, and at the same time Allah Almighty says don’t argue. So if you can make it actually out of the Hajj while containing your anger then you can contain your anger in-sha-‘Allah everywhere.

We ask Allah Almighty to make us among the strong in this life and in the hereafter. Ameen