Now he's insisting he can't leave me. He's giving me an option of being a second wife...
My case is a little bit complicated. I'm from Lagos. I have been in several relationships which some are of good memories and some I don't like to remember.
On April 1st 2011, I met a guy and our relationship was smooth and healthy but the only reason why we are not married is due to his financial status.
June 2016 I had accommodation problems so I had to squat with a friend, during this period my boyfriend and I hardly see which brought about misunderstandings between us almost every week. There in my friends area I met another guy who showed me so much love and affection but he confessed to me that he has a baby mama.
I love him to the extent that I was ready to quit my relationship of 6 years since he also stopped calling for almost a month.
The problem now is that he opened up to me last month that the baby mama's parents have been calling his own parent for settlement.
I asked him if he wants to consider having her back , he said he didn't give a direct answer but keeps saying he can't afford to lose me so I gave him my utmost understanding to go for his baby mama since he has told me he has always wished to raise his children alongside their mother.
Now he's insisting he can't leave me. He's giving me an option of being a second wife but he's still not very sure if he's going take her back because, as he keeps saying, he can't afford to hurt me that much.
To further complicate things, the other guy of 6 years is back to make amends where necessary but I'm blindly in love with the one with baby mama.
What should I do???
Are you open to the idea of being a second wife? Have you ever seen yourself as someone who wouldn’t mind that?
If you aren’t, then that man would have to make a decision to pick you or that baby mama and personally I feel this is what you should demand.
This is where compromise comes in.... If his desire is to be with you, then he should be willing to show that he really does and not just try to eat his cake and have it.
If he wants to raise his kids with their mother, then he should go be with her and let you go. I know it’ll hurt to just let go like that but that is what you need. You’ll eventually be better for it.
I may not be totally conversant with the full story but I’d give the former boyfriend another chance if I were you, and if not him, someone else.
Someone else that doesn’t come with a pre-packaged recipe for present or future wahala.
I wouldn’t intentionally walk into a situation that has the tendency to end in rows, family drama and regrets.
Walk away if that man can promise commitment to you exclusively.
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Just send a mail containing your question and location to firstname.lastname@example.org, and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.
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