The shift seems complete now - we have somehow moved from real substance to appearances and facades.
He wanted my opinion on which activity or gift would make the most sense and automatically, I began to think of the grandest thing he could do or give her.
He eventually decided that they’d go for dinner at a fancy place on Lagos Island and some other things like that. It was after that he kinda let out that he wasn’t even sure of the particular date of her birthday. For about 10 minutes or so, he kept trying to remember while I mocked him and jested until he finally remembered.
Anyway, the call ended but it got me thinking: here was a guy asking around for the grandest thing he could do for his girl’s birthday celebration, but could not even remember the littlest detail – the birthday.
Of course, I need to mention here that it was just a momentary lapse of concentration on his part, he’s one of the most dedicated, affectionate boyfriends I know. I give him that.
Nonetheless, what struck me on that occasion was that many relationships are actually like this.
It even appears that that’s what love and relationships have evolved into. The shift seems complete now - we have somehow moved from real substance to appearances and facades.
What really goes on in the relationship is no longer as important as what people see going on in the relationship and sadly, even some marriages roll this way.
Selfies now seem more important than sacrifice and true dedication to one’s partner has been replaced by showing them off in Instagram stories and Facebook posts.
People can’t say cute words or give heartwarming compliments to their partners but go on social media to write things about them.
These things are great no doubt. I’m sure no one would say no to going on baecations, going on fancy dates, throwing huge surprise birthday parties for their partner, sharing their photos proudly on social media, buying them the most expensive gifts and just pampering them with everything that they have… everything they are.
But maybe we all need to be reminded that these things are just like the storeys of a tall building. They are all placed on the very first floor which is always at the base, where no one really sees it.
Without it, however, the stories can’t be standing.
All the grand gestures your bae/boo gets from you are nothing without the little things. How affectionate are you when no one is there, when there are no cameras to capture the moment for outsiders?
How many random text messages do you send to remind them of how much you love them? How much detail do you remember from conversations they have with you? How far do you go to improve their life? How much sacrifice do you make for their lives to be easier?
How much do you compliment him or her? How loyal and faithful are you to them?
How many little, random gifts do you leave around for them to stumble upon?
In the end, guys, it is these little things that matter most.
The little things are actually your biggest relationship needs.