What Counts as Cheating in a Relationship

Cheating in a romantic relationship isn't just one "big betrayal." What counts as cheating in a relationship can be many things, subtle things that breach trust, violate boundaries, and harm emotional intimacy.

Cheating, however, doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all definition. What one couple would consider cheating might be a healthy part of another couple’s relationship.

Cheating or infidelity is when a person in a committed relationship secretly has a sexual or emotional relationship with another person, something that, if known to their partner, would be perceived as detrimental to the relationship.

What constitutes cheating can vary widely depending on each couple's agreements and expectations. Some may consider a one-night stand cheating, while others may have a different opinion. Some may accept flirtatious behaviour as harmless; others may consider even emotional closeness with another person a betrayal.

But in all its various forms, the common denominators that define cheating are secrecy, breach of trust, and emotional or sexual betrayal, particularly when actions are concealed between partners.

Infidelity is not a single approach; it varies widely in form and severity. Understanding these different types is crucial for addressing the underlying issues and supporting mental health recovery.

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This, perhaps, is the most universally recognised form of infidelity. It consists of sexual or intimate physical contact with another person other than one's committed partner, such as sex, making out, intimate touching, erotic massages, or any kind of physical act that crosses the boundaries in a monogamous relationship.

Even acts that might seem pretty mild, like passionate kissing, dancing closely with someone in a suggestive way, or spending a long time touching intimately, can count as cheating if they break trust or go against the boundaries you've set together.

For those in non-monogamous or open relationships, what counts as "physical cheating" can look different from the usual idea. The real question is whether someone has broken the specific rules or trust that both partners agreed to.

This involves creating a strong emotional bond, feeling close, offering and receiving support, and sharing deeply personal things with someone else, all at the expense of your partner. It often begins as something harmless, like a simple friendship, but it becomes harmful when you start redirecting the emotions you should be giving your partner—like your time, attention, and willingness to be vulnerable—toward this other person instead.

Therapists often describe emotional infidelity as happening when someone looks for emotional comfort or a deep connection outside of their primary relationship, particularly in ways that would feel like cheating if their partner ever found out.

Typical signs of emotional cheating usually include sharing your innermost feelings, fears, and hopes with somebody other than your partner; acting as though you're in a relationship with them; hiding those interactions; or emotionally investing more in them than your partner.

Cheating has now expanded into the digital world with the rise of online platforms. What once required physical proximity, emotional closeness, and flirtation can now happen through chats, social media, and dating apps.

Examples include sexting, exchanging nude or intimate photos, having secret online dating profiles, flirting, or engaging in emotionally/sexually charged conversations online without your partner's knowledge.

Not every betrayal is deliberate. Some actions fall into grey areas, which are subtle but can be damaging over time. These are what some people refer to as "micro-cheating."

Micro-cheating can involve flirting, entertaining advances, fantasising about someone else, hiding certain friendships or communications, contacting your ex in secret, or otherwise acting in ways that undermine emotional exclusivity.

Although micro-cheating may seem insignificant, the repetition of these actions or the secrecy around them can break trust, lead to insecurity and jealousy, and make further betrayal go deeper.

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Cheating, whether physical, emotional, or digital, breaks the core of trust that a relationship is based upon. The partner being cheated on usually feels deception, betrayal, loss of emotional safety, and sometimes even a profound sense of damage to their identity and self-worth.

Because cheating usually involves secrecy and actions behind closed doors, loss of transparency and honesty ensues; these are two critical parts of a healthy relationship. When those are gone, it's tough to rebuild emotional intimacy, even if the relationship continues.

Also, different types of cheating cause different wounds: physical cheating may hurt through feelings of betrayal and sexual exclusivity being violated; emotional or digital cheating undermines emotional security, while micro-cheating can create persistent doubts, jealousy, and emotional neglect.

Since perceptions about infidelity differ so widely among couples, what's harmless for one person may be betrayal for another; therefore, partners have to discuss what they find acceptable and unacceptable.

Healthy strategies include: discussing boundaries early in the relationship; asking open-ended questions about what your partner expects; listening without judgment; and revisiting and adjusting boundaries during the course of the relationship.

This clarity further helps avoid misunderstandings and makes both partners feel seen, respected, and secure, thereby reducing the likelihood of betrayal and its aftermath.

Cheating in a relationship isn't limited to having sex outside of the relationship but encompasses emotional closeness, secret communications, digital intimacy, and even subtle boundary-crossing behaviours. What constitutes cheating depends significantly on the boundaries and agreements each couple sets.

Often, it is not the act itself that's the problem; instead, it's the breach of trust and secrecy, and the deflection of emotional or physical intimacy away from your partner.

After all, healthy relationships stand on trust and clarity. Open communication, clearly set boundaries, empathy, and honesty hold the key to preventing betrayal and maintaining intimacy.

Meta Description: Finding out your partner cheated can bring up an array of emotions. You may feel angry, sad, guilty, betrayed, and more.