Shema: April 14, Mr. President.

Bubu: Ok. Is there any way we can extend my stay here? Because I really don't feel like going back yet. Those Nigerians and their problems....

Shema: Well, the statement we issued before your departure Mr. President, says "second week of April."

Bubu: So, second week of April ends when exactly?

Shema: It ends on Saturday, April 17.

Bubu: Fantastic!!! I'll touch down in Abuja on Saturday, April 17. The last thing I want is a debate over whether I should write a letter, transmitting power to the vice president. I can run the country from anywhere in the world, but those noisemakers would never understand.

You can start writing the press statement announcing my arrival and get the photographers ready at the airport.

Please I want only NTA at the airport. No Channels, AIT or all the other rude television stations and print journalists.

Upon my arrival, I'll grant NTA a five-minute interview and that would be the last time I speak to the local press until I return from my next medical trip in 2022.

Shema: Consider it done Mr. President!! How are you recuperating Mr. President?

Bubu: Oh, the doctors have been fantastic. I would have had a great time in London, save for the noisy protesters at the gate. Do they really think I care? Who are they, anyway?

Shema: We rented counter-protesters Mr. President, to push them back. It is called gbas-gbos (hysterical laughter).

Bubu: Yes, I learnt. You are a fool Shema? What's funny?

Shema: My apologies Mr. President. Yes, I am a fool.

Bubu: I expected you and the team in Abuja to stop the protesters ab initio, not pay money to people to counter them. You bloody dimwit!

Shema: But Mr. President...you are in a foreign country and our powers over there are limited...

Bubu: I carry the powers and office of the president with me everywhere I go. Are you really this dumb, Shema?

Anyway, how much did you pay those lazy Nigerians youths to counter the Rhino Omockery protesters?

Shema: It was a blank cheque Mr. President....from the embassy.

Bubu: Issokay...I still demand an audit. I'm not called Mr. anti-corruption for nothing.

(Wrings fingers)

I'm just so lonely here sometimes (sighs). The presence of those protesters at the gate means I can't even step out for some sunshine or stare into London's lovely streets from the balcony. I have become a lonely Londoner.

(General laughter)

Bubu: How is Nigeria by the way? I hope the terrorists, kidnappers and bandits have stopped trying my patience.

Shema: The country is running smoothly. Vice President Osinbade has been on top of things. He has visited Imo, Ebonyi and elsewhere like you instructed, Mr. President, and he delivered a speech in your name at a forum of engineers and scientists.

I have also shared pictures on social media of the Super Tucano combat jets we paid for, to assure Nigerians that their security remains paramount for this administration.

Bubu: Good. Please tell the labour minister that reports of doctors embarking on a strike while I'm in a foreign land with foreign doctors, were pretty embarrassing. He should have prevented the strike. He really should have known better.

Shema: Ok Mr. President.

Bubu: I wonder what the fuss is always about when I travel here to see my doctors. Let Nigerians know that I have been treated by these physicians long before I ran for president in 2015. I'm not about to change them now because I am president. You don't change a winning team.

In any case, I can't wait to exit the throne in 2023 so I can permanently relocate to London with my doctors by my side every minute of the day. The air here is cleaner and the snow is better for my skin. Damboroba Shege!!

(General laughter)

Bubu: Shema, see you on Saturday and tell the world that I am in rude health and that this was only a routine medical check-up as always. Old soldier never dies....

Shema: Yes, Mr. President...sorry, old soldier!!! May you live long.

(Curtain fades)

____

**Similarities of characters or places in this story to people living or dead, or to the real world, are purely coincidental.

*Pulse Editor's Opinion is the viewpoint of an Editor at Pulse. It does not represent the opinion of the Organisation Pulse.