The Joys of Motherhood: When your children become undoing

I actually started this review about a month ago, but other activities took over and I had to drop it. However, hearing the death of Buchi Emecheta, I knew I had to pick up from where I left off. I don’t really know much about her, but I fell in love with “The Joys of Motherhood” the moment it was handed over to me back in Secondary School, SS2 to be precise.

It was set in two parts of Nigeria, rural Ibuza, where traditional values and lifestyles were maintained and the urban Lagos, where traditional values gave way under the pressures of Western education, capitalism, and the mixture of various cultures (Hausa, Yoruba, Ibo, and European).

Ironically titled, I believe, The Joys of Motherhood started in 1934 Lagos where Nnu Ego was running to Carter Bridge to drown herself as she just lost her first son – a major proof to the world that she was not a barren woman after all. The book then took us back 25 years, telling us about the circumstances that led to Nnu Ego’s birth, her father’s love for her and her first marriage which failed because of her inability to bear children. After all these, she headed to Lagos to marry Nnaife, whom she referred to as stout and ugly but had to stay with because she started having children with him.

The Joys of Motherhood saw Nnu Ego struggle to maintain her traditional values while living in a modern, westernised, and industrialised urban setting. It demonstrated how a young woman, who desired nothing more than to be a good wife and mother, is undercut by modern society.

Nnu Ego means wealth, but ironically she had to feed from hand to mouth and put up with a lot all through her life as a result of the love she had for her children and a tradition which expected her to live to fulfil the expectations of others. Her selflessness became her greatest undoing, as her children constantly took advantage of her while her husband emotionally blackmailed her, blaming her when things went wrong.

So many questions crossed my mind as I read this book. Did Nnu Ego lose herself in the quest to fulfill her children's’ dreams? Do women really own their children entirely; do these children owe them a debt for bringing them into the world and taking care of their needs?

Nnu Ego stood as a test case to a society that traditionally values motherhood at the expense of all other roles women could assume. She was also caught between diverse traditions and the colonial influence which eroded the communal and clan value systems and every other thing she stood for.

Despite the advice from Adaku (Nnaife’s inherited wife from his dead brother) that mothers should not expect to gain happiness only from their children, Nnu Ego gave her all to her children, having no time or money to buy herself new wrappers or even make friends. She believed that one day her sacrifices would pay off and her children would repay her in kind, but what became of her?

Having sacrificed everything to give Osia, her oldest son a good education, she believed he was going to secure a good job after graduation, and take care of her and his younger brothers. He, however, had other plans, as he did not look for a job after graduation but left for America for more studies.

Nnu Ego and her husband were dealt another blow when one of their daughters, Kehinde, ran off to marry the son of the local butcher, a Yoruba man which was a taboo to the people of Ibuza. Nnaife got angry over these rebellious acts and attacked the family of Kehinde’s husband. He went to jail for this, but not before blaming Nnu Ego for everything that ever went wrong in his life.

In the end, Nnu Ego died on the street like a childless beggar without family or friends. After her death, Nnu Ego’s children threw a very expensive funeral which is another irony considering that she had suffered and starved all her life, living her last days alone and broken in Ibuza. They even went further to honor her by building a shrine in her name so she can bless their descendants with children; however, Nnu Ego was having none of that. She refused to help those who struggled with infertility, having come to the realisation that raising children is a thankless task.

Nonetheless, shout out to all the mothers out there who do so much for their children! Here’s my opinion (emphasis on MY).Do all you can for your children whilst you develop yourself too, don’t see them as some sort of future assets or a sure ticket to a better life. Remember that your children are also individuals who can make decisions that best suit their living and not that of their parents when they grow up.

Buchi Emecheta's writing style made the book easier to read as it flowed on very simply, letting the plot and characters easily inform the readers the character's feelings and actions. This is a book I highly recommend, especially to all women – mothers or mothers to be.

I give it 4.5 out of 5.

Afolake Olagunju is Content Strategist, book reviewer, ice cream lover, blogger and an organic life enthusiast amongst other things. When she’s not writing or creating content to help business owners get better media coverage, you can find her whipping up deliciously smelling body butter, shampoos and other organic products.

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