"'Do You Actually Like Me, or Just My Body?" Size 14 Woman Gets Real About Dating in Lagos

Dating in Lagos already feels like a full-time job, the heat, the traffic, the situationships, the soft-life expectations, the endless billings. Add being a plus-sized woman into the mix, and suddenly the conversation becomes far more complicated than people admit.

I always hear how plus-sized women supposedly have a different dating experience from women who are deemed “conventionally attractive”. Depending on who you ask, you’ll listen to everything from “Plus-sized babes only attract gym bros” to “Lagos men secretly prefer full-figured women but pretend not to.” The theories never end.

So, I spoke to a 23-year-old social media and content strategy professional living in Lagos, let’s call her M, who opened up about what dating in this city is truly like when you’re plus-sized, confident, and intentional.

I am a 23-year-old social media and content creation strategist. I currently live in Lagos, Nigeria.

I genuinely love my body. I’m a size 14 with a full figure, and honestly, I see myself as the complete package.

Even though I’m currently on a journey to lose a little weight and become a size 12, it doesn’t change how I feel about myself. Size 12 or 14, I love my body regardless.

Dating as a plus-sized woman hasn’t really been an issue for me. I’ve mostly dated people who naturally admire plus-size women, so I’ve never really struggled in that area.

The only time it felt a bit shaky was in my last relationship because even though my partner loved my body, he sometimes made comments about my weight. When he met me, I was a size 10, so he constantly talked about how much weight I had added.

It didn’t ruin anything, but the comments were unnecessary sometimes.

People approach me normally. I rarely get body-shamed; if anything, it’s the opposite. Most times, men sexualize my body because of my shape, and that’s what I actually find disrespectful.

One pleasant surprise is realising that when someone truly likes you, your body size does not matter to them. Men who genuinely love you see beyond size.

Affection and intention carry more weight than physical appearance.

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I think it depends on the person you’re with.

If you’re with someone who genuinely likes plus-size women, there are no challenges. But if someone is with you for the wrong reasons, like your looks, benefits, or status, you might face insecurity, comparison, or subtle disrespect.

The person you choose makes all the difference.

No, not at all. Society’s beauty standards haven’t influenced how I show up romantically. I don’t feel pressured by trends like flat stomachs or liposuction. I show up as myself, and I’m comfortable with that.

Yes, I have. I’ve dated people who made me feel genuinely appreciated and confident because they always complimented me, reassured me, and loved my body loudly and proudly.

Affirmation really changes everything.

I look for emotional maturity, kindness, consistency, good communication, and someone who can regulate their emotions. And honestly, I also like good-looking men. I enjoy physical attraction too.

Ideally, I want someone who is both good-looking and mentally/emotionally stable… and financially stable as well.

Respect is a big boundary for me, both in public and in private. I don’t tolerate cheating, body shaming, comparisons, or bad energy. Communication is also very important to me.

It depends on my mood. If I’m in a good mood, I ignore it and walk away. If I’m in a bad mood, I give you the energy you’re giving me.

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People need to understand that this is how some of us are built. For many plus-size women, losing weight is not as easy as people assume; genetics play a huge role.

So instead of forcing unrealistic standards, let women love themselves as they are.

The most empowering decision I’ve made was walking away the moment I felt disrespected and cheated on. Choosing myself was one of the best things I've ever done.

My biggest advice is to love yourself first. Show up as you are, confidently. Being plus-sized doesn’t make you any less deserving of good love or good treatment.

If you ever decide to lose a little weight, let it be for you, your health, your comfort, and your future, not because someone is pressuring you. For me personally, my fitness journey is about feeling better, being healthier, and taking care of my body long-term.

At the same time, take pride in your body at every stage. Dress well, take care of yourself, and carry yourself with confidence. Being plus-sized doesn’t mean you should look shabby or “manage yourself.” When you step out, look good and feel good, you’ll be surprised by how many heads you turn.

And never feel inferior. Some people will love you exactly as you are, and the right person will make you feel seen, appreciated, and supported.