However, it goes beyond this because the underlying factor is a psychological sentiment that taps into the very root of our emotions. Hence, it is difficult to describe intimacy as simply a physical feeling.

In Relationships.

People in relationships would attest to intimacy being a key factor in maintaining a bond with their partner. Some even break off their relationships for the reason of “not feeling close” to the other person; and if you ask them what exactly they mean, they may not be able to describe it accurately. This is because it is an intangible sensation.

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To get a better understanding of this, we could look from the perspective of the relationship between a parent and a child or amongst members of a family or even people in any loving situation: the dynamics of intimacy may be observed through the closeness of the relationships expressed through the depth of communication and dynamics of interactions between the people involved. Some call this chemistry.

It is important to emphasise that it takes an understanding of our own emotions to connect with those of other human beings on an intimate level. However, in order to understand or even “feel” this feeling, the question lies in whether or not we have enough self-awareness or can even accept the way we feel as what we should. Otherwise, we may find ourselves in denial.

It equally important to have a good understanding of the other party involved in the relationship in order to build a bond. In reality though, it is very unlikely to fully understand a person, and it takes spending a lot time with that person to get a full grasp of whom they are, where their emotions lie and how to connect with them. For this reason, it is easier to observe this in families because they are more often within close physical vicinity and in more frequent communication with each other than other people (in an ideal situation).

The Nigerian Culture.

We may get carried away and assume that establishing intimacy is a default setting for most people. However, it is surprising how disconnected some of us are, even within our families and with our children. Culturally, it is not rare to find some gaps in the dynamics of a family, most especially between fathers and their children. What people might not realise is that the behaviour of some adults today is indicative of the level of intimacy they experienced in their childhood.

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Observing traits such as hostility, distance, abusiveness, depression or even violent tendencies demonstrate the lack of the expression of love and affection through intimate relationships in their lives (unless the person in question has other psychological or behavioural issues). On the other hand, those who are exposed to a healthy level of intimacy in their childhood are more likely to be affectionate and are at more ease with expressing themselves.

Modern Lifestyle.

Another perspective to take into consideration is the way we live today. Since the 1970s when Motorola introduced one of the first cellular phones, we have found many other ways to allow the interference of digitisation dictate the way we communicate and build relationships. It is actually not surprising to hear that people have veered away from the traditional methods of establishing intimate connections with each other (basically, by speaking and interacting in person) and are now complacent with building relationships through the screens of their media devices.

Gone are the days of relying on physical communication. The common argument is “why would people even bother doing so when they know what people in another part of the world are up to via their Snapchat feeds?” Through media, it almost feels like you are an in-person spectator of another person’s life.

While this has the advantage of facilitating long-distance communication, we have to be mindful of losing touch with those within our immediate vicinity whom we have the opportunity to build closer relationships with by virtue of our physical closeness to them. Besides, social media may very well give a false impression of whom a person really is; and as advanced as we may go with technology, nothing can dispute body language signals we give off and read when we interact with each other in person.

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Back to Basics.

Building intimacy has never been a simple thing. However, the “microwave world”, where we do things instantly and expect the same for communication and relationship building, may gradually be diluting the level of intimacy we experience with each other. We must be mindful of this and remember to go back to the basics if we really want to build deep, meaningful and intimate connections with one another.

Written by Oyin Egbeyemi.

Oyin Egbeyemi is an engineer-turned-consultant-turned-educationist, runner and writer.