Dear anonymous,

Do you know what doesn’t lead to good sex or orgasms for that matter? Being obsessed with having an orgasm. Good sex does not always equal sex with an orgasm.

Your brain plays an immense role in whether or not you get in the mood for sex, feel pleasure, and orgasm.

The biggest sex organ in your body is not the clitoris. Sexual desire begins in the brain. If your mind is not in on the game, you’re not going to have a good experience.

Now, your vagina might lubricate and your clitoris may become engorged when thinking about sex or when they are touched, but that doesn’t mean you feel sexual desire—it just means your body is aroused.

You are putting your brain in a non-sexual state. You will not have great sex if you convince yourself good sex requires orgasm especially if you don’t have an orgasm during an otherwise perfectly lovely sexual encounter!

Also, stress is the ultimate libido killer. Pressuring yourself or your partner to have an orgasm does not make good sex. It will not turn you on and it will leave you feeling empty and broken if you don’t come.

Orgasm should just be taken off the table. It is not a must-have goal. It is not required. If you happen to have an orgasm, that’s great. If you don’t, that’s still great.