‘Women Teach Sex’ is a weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure and what women expect good sex to be and feel like.
Women Talk Sex: Having sex brings out an insane shyness in me
I really don’t want to believe I’m the only woman who experiences this.
Women have several personal experiences when it comes to how they pursue pleasure and live their sex lives. And sometimes, these experiences are less than ideal. Take today’s #WomenTalkSex subject for example: despite being in tune with her sexual side and clear about how she wants it, she still can’t get over the inhibition that has remained with her for years. She talks about her struggle with this issue; while hoping she’s not the only woman having to deal with it.
Prior to having sex, what did you think it’d feel like?
Great. I expected sex would be great and amazing.
Well. I like to think it’s a continuous journey you know. You can’t experience all the ecstasy at once but where I am now, I can’t say I am not having a good time with it.
Love to hear it. Speaking of journeys, was sex amazing from the onset for you?
Hian. Are there people who immediately begin to enjoy sex from the start?
Don’t have the facts but I wouldn’t rule it out
Naim be say God love some girls pass some girls. Because while my own was not horrible at the beginning, it was definitely not as amazing as sex feels now.
Tell me about it
Well for starters, what did I know? Nothing. Mind you, I was 19 at this point, in uni and I and my so-called boyfriend at the time just decided to go for it. We’d been making out for months and one night at a friend’s place, we just decided to go for it. It didn’t hurt as I thought it would but that’s all there is to say about it. You know, it was just there.
Between then and now, what’s changed?
For starters, I realised that I have such a high sex drive. Not realised sha, more like confirmed.
Yeah. Before that first time, I used to enjoy kissing, making out and doing all sorts of sexual stuff with him. Like I could go on and on smooching and making out. When we started having sex, it was like a floodgate was finally opened. I don’t say no to sex. Lol. Which is funny, considering the fact that I am generally shy as fuck, and especially at the commencement of sex.
Wait. You have a high sex drive and you’re shy at the same time. How does that work?
See. I cannot explain it too. But I know myself and both things are true. I’m kind of a shy person all round and even when it comes to sex. I know I want to have sex, in fact, almost always. Not in an addictive way o but when I am with someone like that and they initiate, I’d surely want to do it. But before we get to it, some shyness would just creep up and for like 15 minutes, I’d just be so conscious and so in my head about the whole thing. It’d take a bit to lose inhibition and get to it. It used to happen all the time. It still does now but I am learning to overcome it.
I know right. Sex just brings out this insane shyness in me and I hate it so much. I don’t want to believe I’m the only woman who experiences this.
Highly doubt it too
It’s crazy you know, knowing deep down that I want to do this thing. Like, it’d be all I’m thinking about, I’d be looking forward to it but when the time comes, oya let’s off pant, I will just be feeling some stupid shyness.
Maybe it’s a matter of not being comfortable with the partner in question?
I don’t sleep with people I don’t like. I’d rather masturbate to keep myself to myself. I've been with 2 boyfriends and one person I hook up with from time to time. We’re cool, we speak a lot, and what I had with three of them lasted more than 1 year each. In the case of the last guy, we still hook up though it’s been a while. Point is, I’m cool with them. I think it’s just a mental thing but I'm coming out of it.
That means you... never initiate sex?
Took a lot to finally start doing that. My horny ass overpowered all that shyness.
LMAO. How do your men take this shyness thing?
Lol. Is it not men? How will they take it? They’ll take it noni. Is it not to just keep going till I join them in the groove? Lmao. Men don’t have wahala like that. They just want to get some. And they get it and we move.
No discussions, nothing?
As I said, I am always willing and always ready to have sex. So it’s not a matter of unwillingness. It’s just that I am a slow starter. I usually retreat into my head at the beginning because getting naked, opening your legs, throwing your butt up in the air and exposing yourself… you know how sex can be now. All that stuff just always makes me feel somehow.
Well, maybe. I think ‘conscious’ is more accurate. Even though it’s been few years and few partners, sex still makes me feel so self-conscious. But again like I said, after a while I’d just get out of my head and enjoy the moment. Happens all the time.
And how would you rate your sexual satisfaction?
75%. I masturbate a lot because I am single right now but overall. I’m good.
Ok. So… having a high sex drive. Have your men been able to keep up?
For the most part. I always have my fingers and vibrator to fill in as well.
Have you ever had a partner who couldn’t?
I’ve only ever slept with 3 guys and they have been great, honestly. Plus you have to be self-sufficient. I masturbate a lot, know my body so well and many times, I just help myself get off. Because I can’t possibly be looking for man every time I am horny. Na wahala person dey find be that.
Would you say that that is a key to sexual fulfilment for women with a high sex drive? To be self sufficient?
Definitely. Know your body, learn to please it yourself and even when you have a partner, you can show them how to pleasure you. I feel like you can’t have a high sex drive and depend only on sex you have with people. I could be wrong but I like to think that's how every one with a high sex drive is.
And also, you have to stay guarded in case you meet a guy who can’t keep up with you. That is a big possibility sha because you guys just always think you like sex, when you meet someone who actually likes it, you people will now be grumbling up and down as if you were not the ones looking for a babe who always wants it.
LMAO. Drag us
I kuku will.
What do you think you will do if you meet someone who doesn’t match up?
It won’t last. I’m sure. So let’s not even waste our time with that.
I always ask people to tell me their worst sexual experience
My first time. Nothing has been that mid since that.
Ahahn. Must be nice
It actually is.
And the best?
There’s a lot o. The first time I squirted was mad though. I think I will go with that.
Let me go back a little
Do you think that a bit of this shyness has anything to do with body insecurities?
Maybe. But it’s nothing major. Everyone feels a little insecure about their body. Maybe their fupa, stretchmarks, cellulite or something. I don’t think mine is out of the ordinary. I believe it’s just natural to feel that way.
Ok. Longest time you’ve spent having sex
All night? Non stop?
Hahahahaha. Yes. Like 11 till 4. There were little breaks so as to get him hard again. We drank juice to rehydrate and get back again. So yeah.
Mad. So how long should a round of sex last for?
I don’t time it. I kind of feel like this thing can’t be timed. And also I think it varies. I’ve had bomb 1 minute sex before. Like one insane minute. And there’s been longer say like 15 minutes or so and I think for me, that variation is what makes it fun. It’s not robotic. So far I enjoyed it, I don’t mind how short or long it is.
Rate men’s knowledge of sex over 10
7 from personal experience.
One sexual thing all men need agree to cancel for life
Rape. Stop raping people, you bastards.
Ok. I meant consensual sex thing but I guess this works too
Yeah. You Nigerian men really need to stop raping us.
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