Having a sense of entitlement is believing that you deserve certain privileges — and being arrogant about getting them.
The concept of ‘culture of entitlement’ establishes that there are people have highly unreasonable expectations about what they deserve in life and according to Pulse Editor, Ayomide Tayo, in this article, many Nigerian millennials firmly sit in this category.
Apart from the widespread type of entitlement which Ayomide says is symptomatic of millennials of both genders, it’d appear that there’s another type of entitlement, one which has trickled down into relationships and now puddles in the minds of ladies who have boyfriends.
Apparently, too many Nigerian babes believe that the moment a guy becomes their boyfriend, his money becomes theirs.
It’s almost as if saying yes to a guy is entering into an agreement to co-own his bank account and its contents. Way too many Nigerian ladies actually do feel entitled to your money just because they are your girlfriend.
And this is not some conclusion drawn from thin air. There’s a long-existing, well-documented love Nigerian ladies reserve only for men who have deep pockets.
'If you no get money, hide your face' has been in operation as a Nigerian girl mantra long before Small Doctor put a tune to it and made it mainstream.
Check out all the popular relationships pages on Instagram and you’ll find this same sense of entitlement dripping from many of the relationship questions women send in to those columns.
“He’s a great guy, treats me well but..."
“He earns so much but gives me only so little.”
The questions come worded differently in separate mails but that sense of entitlement is constant, it’s obvious in so many of them. Being his girlfriend does not entitle you to his money. Asking to be your boyfriend is not tantamount to agreeing to bear all your responsibilities. Agreeing to be his bae, having sex with him, going on dates with him, and doing other relationship things with him is not automatic access to his money.
The idea that a boyfriend does not have any obligation to give you any part of his money will sound alien to some ladies reading this and it is absolutely understandable. This is because for such a long time, the dating culture around here has been that unless you are willing to spend as a guy, you’re not ready to be in a relationship.
Also, it is thought that if you are in a relationship and you’re not splashing the cash or, at least, spending part of the little you have on your girl, you’re not doing right. So guys have adapted to this reality, knowing that it is one sure way to keep women happy.
So this learnt generosity of men towards their women or the women they hope to get is actually an offshoot of the if-you-no-get-money-hide-your-face attitude earlier spoken of, among other things.
And we actually can’t deny the role played in all of this by the terrible economic situation of the country – both in the past and even now.
Because many are ever hoping for that luxurious life they never had a taste of, girls grow up wanting men who would spoil them, guys who would spend all the money, 'use enjoyment to kill them' and grant them access to all the perks that come with wealth. Many women still hope to become rich and live the good life just by relationship or marriage to a rich man.
Mind you, this is not to say that generous guys need to stop being so. Neither is it to say gifts of money from a guy to his babe is wrong. It’s also not to say guys can’t offer financial assistance to their babes when they genuinely need it. Likewise, for the sake of clarity, it has to be clearly spelt out that not all women are hoping to make a headway in life through marriage.
Somewhere along the line women, seem to have cemented the generosity and largesse often offered by men who seek their love as some form of duty owed to them, something they are entitled to.
The truth, however, is that all these are gifts – the money, the bills he helps you with, everything… you need to see them as what they are – just gifts - and you should be grateful for them, not arrogantly expecting them like something you laboured for.
You have no business feeling entitled to your boyfriend’s money. It’s his, not yours and he can choose to spend it how he pleases. Make yours and spend it how you please. He'll be wrong to try to take control of your money, too!
Seeing regular financial gifts as a duty or an obligation a boyfriend owes you is wrong. It really is. To also place an outrageous emphasis on the size of a potential partner's pocket isn't so cool either. Money sure plays an important role in keeping a relationship going but it's not all there is to relationships.
It’s easy to say 'why can’t men just go for the women who understand how money works in relationships and are not entitled to their men's money?', but then the point of this article is not to address men’s poor taste in women rather than the rampant female behaviour of feeling entitled to your boo’s money.
If you have always thought differently, this will be a bitter pill to swallow but you need to know that your boo does not owe you ANY of those things he gives or does for you. No one owes you anything. Not at all.
Being a great boyfriend [or even girlfriend] who shares and freely gives money to their partner should never be taken for granted or seen as a duty.
His money is not your money so don’t feel angry or throw tantrums if he refuses to give it to you.
In the same manner that we have decided here that husband privileges should not be given to boyfriends, it has to be said also that wife privileges do not belong to girlfriends, too.
Until you guys decide to become bound in matrimony, his money will never be your money and you should never ever feel entitled to it.
And what happens when that time [marriage] comes is that his money just does not become your money, yours becomes his, too. Then you can feel entitled to it because it is no longer his money, it’s become for the both of you to share.
Like I wrote in a previous article, the manner with which money operates in modern relationships is fast changing and it’s about time we changed the transactional type of relationships that's so prevalent here.
Perhaps then, we can build stronger, more long lasting bonds based on all the real, proper things - respect, kindness, commitment, trust and of course, genuine love.