Taking out the trash

I used to be a hoarder of sorts; keep using a belt for seven years, hold on to a bunch of shirts for five years, wear those trousers until they are totally worn out. Heck, the other day I checked an old bag and guess what I found?

A paper on which I scribbled points for an exhortation as a faculty fellowship leader in 2011. I always felt that they could probably be still remotely useful, sometimes I wanted to hold on to the memories, other times I was just too lazy to take out the trash...

But with age, and with the presence of certain people in your life, you learn to unclench the fists of your mind, and just be unafraid to give up possession of the older things.

It's been a learning process (I still have my ten-year old wallet), but now I know that I need to make room in my drawers, that sometimes artifacts could be toxic, that if I don't give out the old shirts I would probably never buy new ones so I can slay too.

This, too, should, and in fact, does apply to friendships.

Sometimes the reason why certain stuff may not have happened yet is that your mental space is too clogged; high school classmates, playmates from your eight-year-old days, university crushes, brothers' neighbours, the first set of people you added on Facebook.

This is by no means a suggestion to discard old allies, but the sooner you come to terms with the fact that you would outgrow people, and they'll outgrow you, the faster your leaps up the social ladder.

See that primary school classmate now doing things in Oxford and who hasn't chatted you up in nearly half a decade? See that dude you've known for 16 years who is now a media influencer and can't do more than like your photos these days?

No, they do not hate you, they have simply prioritised and adjusted their circle. They were not scared to slacken certain ties, why should you? Twenty, children and years, remember?

If you need to send that big shot a friend request but your list is full, go on and do some pruning, you owe no explanations for so doing! Weeds are what an overly considerate gardener gets when he loves all the sprouting flowers too much.

Look around you, take note of the ones who only see you as part of the gang when it's time for lager and spirits, take note of the ones who are slow to support but quick to take credit, take note of the ones who never helped out in dire times but act surprised that you went far without them, and cut off, cut off, cut off some more! Periodic cleanouts are always helpful; you need to free up more space in your head, you need to rid yourself of the toxic energy, you deserve a life free of parasites, and you need room to accommodate the larger, brighter things.

Written by Jerry  Chiemeke

Jerry Chiemeke is a lawyer and freelance writer who lives in Lagos. His stories have appeared on The Kalahari Review, Brittle Paper, The Musty Corner, Elsieisy, Storried and Syn City. An unofficial small chops ambassador and advocate for online weddings, he critiques literary works on Okadabooks, an online publishing platform. Jerry also runs a personal blog at www.pensofchi.com where he writes literary fiction and non-fiction . You can follow him on Twitter and Instagram @J_Chiemeke, or contact him via mail at chiemekejerry5@gmail.com.