Expert identifies poverty, failed courtship as major causes of divorce

Umar, a Senior judge at Area Court, Ilorin, explained the major causes of divorce in an interview with the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) on Thursday in Ilorin.

He said that one of the major causes of domestic violence, which eventually leads to divorce was poverty, adding that hardship makes people misbehave.

“People behave well when they have money, they do what is expected of them, especially husbands, they do all their responsibilities and ignore unnecessary issues that may arise.

“Some people however find it difficult to say they don’t have money, thereby turning their frustration to violence, which is one of the causes of divorce.

“There is this saying that when poverty enters through the door, love fly out through the window, which is the beginning of aggression, attitudes and violence,” the judge said.

Umar explained that poverty makes a couple stop tolerating each other, especially when the husband could not provide for the family, some wives leave the marriage, while others stay but give lot of trouble.

He revealed that judges usually find ways to delay the divorce, thereby giving couples a chance to reconcile, but when the marriage could not be mended they order for divorce, but to only applicants.

“Lots of divorce had occurred without appearing in court, the same thing with broken marriages, meanwhile some issues would have been resolved through proper justice,” he said.

The judge said that when husband and wife could no longer live together in peace, then it is better for them to separate than commit murder and various kinds of grievous hurt on themselves.

He further said that there was a need for people to understand marriage before venturing into it, because many failed marriages began with the nonchalant attitude of the couple during courtship.

“Marriage is not about age, status or financial capability, but the determination to make the relationship work through sacrifice and compromise.

“It is not possible to sacrifice always and one cannot compromise everything because marriage is beyond love, so there is need to know what you can and cannot tolerate before marriage,” he said.

Umar therefore advised youths to follow some steps before marriage, including physical appearance; especially women beauty, urging men to settle for women of their choice.

“Financial background is important before settling down for marriage, especially for women who like material things, then family background, in terms of religion, tribe, culture, civilisation, and method of celebrating and mourning.

“Educational background is also important, in terms of level of western education, skills acquired and his or her perspective about life generally,” he said.

The judge noted that there was no need to ask lots of questions before one could know everything during courtship, the major thing needed is attention and being sensitive to all happenings while together.

“Habits will definitely reveal itself, the only thing is that you may choose to ignore the bad side or believe you can change your spouse, which is dangerous and may affect the relationship,” he said.