"I'm afraid I can't cope with his ex in the background, should I leave him?"

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and two months now.

He was forthright about having a kid when he was in University. The mother of the child was his ex, who cheated on him and got dumped for it.

What I did not know was that he was the only one who broke up with the girl, the girl has refused to leave him, and because of they have a kid together, it has not been so easy to shake her off.

He left her 3 years before we met, but because they have a kid together, she wants to get back by all means, saying she has to have him or nobody would.

For about the past four months now, [that was when she knew about my involvement with my boyfriend] she has been messaging me with all sorts of insults and threats and as much as I tell my boyfriend and how much he tells her to desist, she just does not stop.

I understand there is no way they will stop communicating because he surely has to participate in the life of his son, and that is where my fear lies.

I'm afraid she will somehow win him over and I will be left with nothing.

I'm naturally a non-confrontational person, and all this is really starting to get to me. Even our relationship has started to suffer because her threats and insultive messages are so much that it takes all the energy in me to not always talk about.

I need your advice, please. Do you think it is a good idea to let go?___________________

Hi, dear reader.

I have to say this is really one situation that would worry even me, and I am not easily worried.

In my humble and honest opinion, your boyfriend has a very big role to play here, and if for the past four months, he has not been able to arrest the situation, he has not really done well.

I'm of the belief that everyone is responsible for their actions, and for cleaning up their own mess, especially if others are affected by the results of those actions.

Being non-confrontational, it is rational that you want out. And given that they actually have a valid reason to always communicate. your fears are well-founded. His inability to shut down his girlfriend's excesses isn't good enough on his part, I dare say.

About letting go, I think you are justified if you do so, but how about trying a little more to make this work.

Though you did not mention it anywhere in your mail, I have no doubt in my heart that that decision to leave him must surely hurt, and why leave if there is still a chance that things might work out.

I suggest you come out to your boyfriend as you have to me. Tell him if he needs you around, then he has to prove it.

Shutting down his ex's interference in the relationship and blatant disrespect of you is his responsibility, whichever way you want to look at the situation.

Now give him some time, maybe one month and watch how he handles it.

What happens after this time will influence your decision to either move on or stay right where you are.

I hope I have been helpful.

Wish you all the strength required for this fight.__________________

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