...buried under months and years of bad experiences and calcified emotional structure is a fragile heart that wants to be loved and be showed off.
You look at your schedule for the day, other than the typical routine you’ve been having for the past 6 months, you’ve got nothing else. You return from work to an empty bed with a roommate you are sick off.
None of this pisses you off however, you’ve mastered the art of not being bothered by the overt display of love. You’ve mentally resolved why relationships aren’t important in your head, you are now a certified hard guy.
The truth however is, deep down, buried under months and years of bad experiences and calcified emotional structure is a fragile heart that wants to be loved and be showed off.
One would think that loving one’s self goes without saying, but every day you find people engaging in activities and taking decisions that is the anti-thesis of self-love. From laziness, procrastination and harmful drugs to inability to disengage from toxic relationships, people keep living a reality opposite of self-love.
Everyone who has ever dated or knows someone that has dated knows the cycle. A meets B. A, for a variety of reasons, fails to commit. B is hurt and heartbroken. B who meets C, is now scarred and reluctant to fully commit anymore. C sees this lack of commitment and reciprocates. Relationship breaks down, B feels justified in the reluctance to commit. And on and on it goes. An endless cycle leaving lonely and sad people in its wake.
If you ask a million people if they love themselves, 999,997 people will say they do, but what does loving yourself really mean?
It means putting long term gain over short term reward. It means choosing to suffer through the pain and frustration of a process in pursuit of the end that you crave the most and when it comes to relationships, it means opening your heart and committing all the way through in every relationship.
Unfortunately, a lot of people would rather walk on molten lava then go sleep on a bed of nails before opening themselves up again and the very fact we exist at the point in the human time line where we have a plethora of options to keep us trudging on makes settling for less an attractive option.
The thing about this defiance however is, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where the belief that relationships will end in the same tortuous ending causes you to act and behave in a way that makes sure it does.
The ‘cycle of lonely hearts’ is a beast that only exists as long as you keep feeding it. When you find the courage to stop, you start to create a path to the end you want for yourself. As more people find the strength to open their hearts again, commit and do the work necessary to achieve what they want in a relationship, the beast grows weaker. It starts shrinking; eventually it dies of starvation.
Whoever you are in this cycle, odds are you yearn for something more. A man or a woman to call your own, to give your all to and to get in return; perhaps not today, maybe tomorrow. When that time comes, the cycle will not magically stop for you, it will only do when you learn to love yourself.
Rightfully, the dominant context of loving oneself here has been in the pursuit of a long, and loving romantic relationship but that isn’t the only necessary aspect of our lives that needs you to break the cycle and truly love yourself.
Wean yourself from harmful habits such as drugs, procrastination.
Make a plan and stick with it. If you have to bend it, it should be in service of your end goal.
From relationships to entrepreneurship to 9-5s, there will always be an excuse that satisfies a degree of logical reasoning to keep you from going after what you want. Take a careful look at the excuse, look it in the eye; ignore it and go after your plan.
Scared of answering those burning questions about your physical and mental health? Take the plunge regardless.
Love is an entity that comes with long sufferings, trials and frustrations and where else is the effort required to suffer through all these better directed than yourself?
Wherever you are emotionally and mentally today, let the theme of the day and everyday onward be loving yourself.
Written by Adeola Seun.
Adeola Seun, Humanist. Big believer in common sense. Arsenal lover.