In preparing to be a parent, a lot of people pick up books, videos (supposed manuals for the ‘life’ to come), but nothing prepares you for the actual experience. What is good for the goose is said to be good for the gander but is parenting actually for everyone?

No one really set out to be a ‘bad’ parent no matter how bad they actually are. Surprisingly, a lot of ‘bad eggs’ are actually good parents; this could be as a result of wanting better lives for the children, the children making the decision from their early days not to turn out to be like their parents or otherwise.

The act of parenting is an art. It comes in different forms of expression. Parenting is not innate as many would say, and not everyone has it in them to be a parent so it should not be enforced by the society. Parenting is learnt and the first child usually bears the burn. It’s safe to say parenting is a scary walk. For some, after becoming a parent, they never find their pace and space in life again. Parenting like art is appreciated for its beauty and emotional power.

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Sacrifices

Is out of sight really out of mind? Parenting is the ‘sweet’ deal that comes with no terms and conditions. Once there is a child or children in the equation, everything done is most times patterned consciously or subconsciously after that order. The child(ren) is considered first even before taking the minutest decisions to cogent ones.

Good. Bad. These are stories we tell ourselves as being a good parent or a bad one is relative. You never get graded to know if you are weathering it all in.

Many things are given up as a parent and no one ever thanks you (or could ever thank you enough) for it because it is expected of you: sleep, spontaneity, money, privacy, ‘summer body’,sex, romance, and above all; time.

Parenting is the job you never retire from: from being a parent to a grandparent, great grandparent, neighbour with the friendly advice; it’s the one race in which everyone deserves a medal but gets none, and everyone should get an emeritus award for.

Parenting varies from child to child, therefore, what worked with this child might not work for the other: With each child, skills are honed, and parenting is relearnt.

Society and Culture

God forbid a woman gives birth to all female children in a predominantly male society where only the birth of the boy child is celebrated; she is blamed for what is very well the man’s ‘fault’.

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The society has often times made it a duty to fault full time working moms irrespective of their child care arrangements. Most times or quite honestly some times, many a thing is expected of a parent especially a mom. If the society could, she wouldn’t mind stopping you from achieving your dreams because you decided to birth a child. Thankfully, the narrative is slowly but steadily changing as we see young moms, single parents going back to school, building their careers and achieving their dreams.

Does any woman actually want to be a mom or is it strictly the society’s imposed requirement being fulfilled? After all, it sure takes a village to train a child, or does it?

Guilt.

A lot of people especially mothers don’t enjoy being a parent but they did rather not say this; as it is expected that parenting should be enjoyed and not dreaded. In fact, some would rather not be parents at all and this has got nothing to do with their childhood. The society would make any woman who wants to build her career feel guilty most especially if she has a child.

Misgivings

People often say that being a mother is the best job in the world; and this isn’t necessarily true. Birthing a child and parenting are two different things. At times, parenting isn’t necessarily nurturing a child. In fact, loving being a mum doesn’t mean motherhood is enjoyed. For some, being a parent is a daily struggle; from health issues, monetary issues to depression and/or just wanting ‘me times’(and a lot of it); being a parent can actually suck. It’s not as rosy as people portray it and its high time people started understanding this and giving support to those who need it.

Many who want to be mothers have no children, those who have aren’t so great at it and some who do would rather not have any: many women would not admit that they feel no rush of maternal affection when they hold their child.

Reality

Although many would rather not admit it, the thought of child bearing and rearing is scary to them, and an idea they’d want to stay foreign to. Many moms suffer from postpartum depression, and many others although they love their children can’t entertain the thought of parenthood. It’s almost as if their individuality is stripped off with the birthing of the child and they feel their whole being subsumed. Surprisingly, these women still go ahead to have more children.

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A lot of parents stay at the mercy of their bosses, and endure all sorts of insults for the sake of their family, most especially their children. They take things they would not have taken from anyone; even people older than them, and they take this in all ‘humility’; because retaliating could mean forgoing their jobs.

Truly, “Does the joy of parenting outweigh the stress of parenthood?” The answer to this is not only speculative but relative.

Written by Christiana OSUN

Christiana is a writer dedicated to voicing out thoughts we’d rather not complete: Presenting our realities and sharing relatable experiences and thought provoking subjects. She’s sarcastic, fun loving and an enigma of possibilities.

Instagram handle: @_themillenniallady_ Facebook: OSUN Christiana Oluwadamilola Email: krwistee@gmail.com