How to Address Microaggression in Everyday Conversations

Microaggressions…you've probably heard the term floating around, but what exactly are they? To put it simply, they are those small, often subtle insults that can leave people feeling devalued or diminished. They may seem like nothing initially, but the microaggressions add on, leaving a person with the feeling of always trying to navigate through a maze of negative assumptions.

Whether it's a comment about someone's accent, an offhand remark about their culture, or even the way people dismiss their ideas based on their identity, these everyday interactions matter. 

So let's break down microaggressions, and more importantly, let's talk about how to confront them in ways that feel natural and don't cause more harm than good.

Microaggressions are small, mostly unconscious comments or actions that communicate a negative message about one's identity. Think of them as the paper cuts of communication: they're often invisible but hurt more than you realise. The big kicker? They usually go unnoticed by the person delivering them.

Examples include: "You speak such good English for someone from Nigeria." This is a compliment in a sense, but also says your language ability is somehow connected to your ethnicity or race.

You're probably thinking, "Are these really such a big deal?" They are just small, minor things, aren't they? But here is the thing: whereas each comment may be minor in itself, added up over time, they wear on a person's mental and emotional well-being.

Microaggressions undermine a person's sense of belonging and send a message that they're being seen through a biased lens. Think of this like being continuously nudged in the ribs by someone who says they're just "playfully" poking you. It hurts, right? Even if it wasn't with malice, it hurts. After a while, those nudge-like comments can begin to make people question their worth in places they should be safe.

Okay, so now you are probably wondering: "How can I deal with this if I'm the one hearing it, or worse, unknowingly saying it?

First, don't freak out. Calling out microaggressions isn't about calling people out in an aggressive way; it's more accurately about calling people in. It's an invitation to stop and consider the bigger picture.

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• Step 1: Assess the Situation

Is this the time and place? You don't always have to fight every battle. Sometimes, it's more about choosing your battles wisely. If someone casually drops a microaggression in a casual setting, you might choose to let it slide. But if it's in a more formal setting or occurs repeatedly, you can address it.

• Step 2: Respond with Empathy

Instead of jumping to correct someone in the heat of the moment, try leading with empathy. Rather than saying, "That's a racist thing to say," attempt something more open: "I know you probably didn't mean to, but that comment comes off a bit hurtful." It's softer, less accusatory, and more likely to open a meaningful conversation.

• Step 3: Share Your Own Experience

It's always impactful when you can share with others why something affects you personally. A simple line like, "When I hear comments like that, it makes me feel like people don't see me as an equal," helps the other person to understand why it's so important to get it right.

• Step 4: Be Open to Conversation

Not everyone is going to get it the first time. Some will be defensive or confused. That's okay. The goal isn't to shame them, but to create an opportunity for them to learn. Be patient. Conversations like these take some time to sink in, but if you stay patient and keep the dialogue going, that may help them evolve their mindset.

• Step 5: Know When to Walk Away

Sometimes, no matter how much you try, someone isn't going to listen. That's tough. In those cases, it is all right to simply walk away. It doesn't mean you're giving up; it just means you're saving your energy for the next moment when it counts.

It's not about the individual making the comment; it's also about how microaggressions connect with power and systems. Microaggressions occur within the structures of race, gender, sexual orientation, and others. Therefore, when approaching microaggression, one needs to keep in mind that others may be coming from a different place in their own understanding of privilege, bias, or oppression.

For example, something a colleague says may have a different impact than the same comment coming from an intimate friend. Power here frequently dictates the emotional burden of a microaggression. This does not mean comments from friends or family should be ignored, but it helps to know the weight of where they come from.

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Prevention is always better than cure, right? If you're trying to be mindful, here are a few things to keep in mind that will reduce the chances of you accidentally causing harm:

Think before you speak. Just taking a moment to think about how your words might be received goes a long way.

Listen much and speak little. When conversing, more so with people from different backgrounds, listen actively to what they say.

Challenge stereotypes. Even if a joke or offhand comment doesn't seem offensive, if it reinforces a stereotype, take a second to question whether it's okay.

Educate yourself. The more you learn about cultures, identities, and experiences different from your own, the easier it becomes to avoid this type of mistake.

Dealing with microaggressions isn't about being perfect; it's about being mindful. It includes realising that even the smallest comment can have a greater impact than we might anticipate. When you recognise microaggressions in yourself or others, stepping back and using empathy may be just what transforms a painful moment into a teachable one.

So the next time you hear a microaggression, don't just let it slide; think of how you can address it with kindness and open the door to meaningful conversations. Small changes today will help build a better tomorrow where we all feel seen, respected, and valued.