If You’ve Ever Dated for an Aesthetic, Congrats! You’ve Been ‘Throning’!

Adeola Olatunji 13:30 - 06 December 2025

Throning might seem harmless, after all, who doesn’t want a partner who looks good beside them? But there is a fine line between admiring someone and using them.

Throning is new to the dating scene and a trend shaking the internet. It is a trend that is less about butterflies and soft love, but more about image, popularity and status.

I recently wrote on Shrekking and Throning is the absolutely perfect cousin to compare it with. Both are buzzing, both are chaotic, and both say a lot about where modern dating is heading, especially now that aesthetics matters to us more than actual chemistry.

But first, what exactly is Throning, and why is it suddenly everywhere?

What Throning Really Means in Today’s Dating World

Throning is simple to understand but can be messy to execute. It happens when someone dates a person purely because that person has a higher social status, relevance or brand value. Not because of genuine feelings, not because of connection, not because they have fallen in love, but because the person looks good for your image.

You are basically placing them on a metaphorical throne so their shine rubs off on you. Their reputation becomes your accessory, their influence becomes your soft power, and their popularity becomes your cheat code to visibility. In other words, Throning is dating up for the aesthetics.

I would describe it as dating someone who boosts your prestige, a partner who makes people look twice at you, simply because they are standing beside you. Think of it like this: if their vibe elevates your vibe, then you throne them. Whether or not you actually like them is secondary.

In simpler terms, it is the romance equivalent of hanging out with the cool kids in school, so people automatically assume you are important too.

Throning vs Shrekking: Why They Are Not the Same Thing

Because we love a good comparison, let’s talk about Shrekking a little bit.

Shrekking happens when someone intentionally dates a person they consider less attractive or lower status, thinking that person will be more loyal, more grateful, more devoted. It is what we know as “dating down” for comfort and emotional stability.

But Throning? That is the exact opposite. It is “dating up” for social gain.

Shrekking says: “I want someone who won’t stress me. Someone who will worship me because they think I’m a big catch.”

Throning says: “I want someone whose shine can upgrade me. Someone people admire, someone who increases my perceived value.”

The intentions are different, the motivations are different, and the emotional risks are very different.

Where Shrekking overestimates your desirability, Throning overestimates your partner’s. With Shrekking, the danger is taking someone for granted. With Throning, the danger is using someone as a prop. And in both cases, love is not the primary ingredient which is exactly why they feel like trends, not relationships.

Why People Are Throning

Social media has made dating feel like a performance. People now think in terms of aesthetics, soft life, optics, audience perception, and the silent competition of who is living the most enviable life.

Modern dating culture is exhausting. You are navigating ghosting, breadcrumbing, soft-launching, hard-launching, ridiculous talking stages, and people who treat affection like a transaction. In that chaotic space, Throning gives people a shortcut: “If I date someone admired by others, I automatically look better.”

And that is the danger. Because Throning turns love into social currency. It makes a partner feel like a walking PR package. Instead of asking “Do I like them?” you ask “Do they elevate my brand?” And relationships built on that kind of foundation crumble the moment the shine fades.

The Emotional Cost of Dating Someone For Their Status

Throning might seem harmless, after all, who doesn’t want a partner who looks good beside them? But there is a fine line between admiring someone and using them.

When someone is throning a partner, they are not engaging with the person’s inner world, their values, quirks, fears, love language, or imperfections. They are only engaging with the external: the hype, the attention, the admiration the world gives them. And when relationships are built on image, not intimacy, cracks appear quickly.

A relationship without emotional depth cannot survive on soft-launch photos and influencer aesthetics alone. You can’t build a future on clout. And even if Throning seems fun at first, someone’s heart is always at risk, and it is usually the person who thought it was real.

Should We Be Worried?

Honestly? Maybe. Because trends like Throning and Shrekking reveal one uncomfortable truth that a lot of people are tired of doing the emotional work love requires.

Throning gives quick validation. Shrekking gives quick security. Neither requires vulnerability, creates real intimacy or gives the kind of love that leaves you full instead of hollow.

But recognising the trend is the first step to avoiding it. Dating should be about mutual respect, emotional connection and shared values. Not hierarchy, insecurity or image management.

At the end of the day, the most beautiful relationships are not the ones that look good from the outside, but the ones that feel good on the inside. The ones with depth, where you are seen and not displayed. The ones where you can exist without performing.

Throning may be the trend of the moment, but real connection will always outlast the algorithm.