We toasted a girl with lyrics from ‘If’ and here’s how it turned out

Owning one of the hottest songs on the continent right now, Davido is flying high with ‘If’.

Produced by Tekno, the song is famous for its rudimentary lyrics, which are designed towards wooing a love interest and getting a girl. When you sing it to the beat and dance to it in the club, the lyrics are amazing.

And it’s secret to success is because it is mostly a gender neutral song appealing to both sexes. There’s something for everyone in the record. On a typical club night, girls scream ’30 billion for the account…’ because of obvious reasons, and perverted guys scream ‘Bridget eh, I like your mini-skirt eh’. And everyone dances along.

So we at Pulse decided to take the song to the streets, find a girl, and hit her with the lyrics. This is how we fared:

Hullo, excuse me, who are you? You can’t just show up and start harassing me with your body and money. How much do you even have? This poor Lagos scammer.

Thirty billion for the account o, Versace, Gucci for your body o baby…

Hmm. Are you sure? Where did you get that money? In fact, you are not just a scammer, you are a big fraud, the real definition of 419. Where is my whistle? EFCC come and catch this one oh!

No do, No do, No do, Gararara for me…

What is all this sef na? God are you hearing this? I have suffered. Is this how they toast people in your village? You are now giving me attitude sef.

No do, No do, No do Senrere o…

God why are you doing this to me? Why?

No do, No do, No do, Shakara owe…

I am not doing again. The answer is no. If you think you can just come here and threaten me, then you are a joker. Taxi!

Girl you’re beautiful too, My number one tuntun

I have told you to leave me alone, with this your wack toasting. You will not hear oh. Until I call the police now. You are harassing my life.

Sip burukututu, for your love tutu. I go chook you chuku chuku o. Biko obianuju

First I don’t drink that local horrible foul-tasting thing called burukutu. Show some class man. And who do you want to pierce with your ‘chuku chuku’? Are you a porcupine? Is that you have chooked other girls?

Shey you do me juju…Cos I’m feeling the juju.

Hian! It is not me oh! Better go and meet TB Joshua to cast out what your village people have done to you. Holy Ghoooooost fire!!!

Shake it o, take it. I wanna catch it o ,take it. You can have it o, take it. You know I gat this o,take it

Will you please stop looking at my ass? This is sexual harassment. And the only thing I want to take from you is my sanity and freedom. Your toasting is driving me nuts. I feel like I am trapped inside a bad Asaba Nollywood movie.

I love you, I love you, There’s nothing above you…

Jesus Christ my lord and personal savior is above me. His father, God almighty, who is the Alpha and Omega, is also above Jesus. And on earth, this sun that is shining on top of your bald head, is it not above you? You can lie eh. Because of woman and konji. Tufiakwa.

And you know say nobody holy. But I no go tell you story. I gotta be your man. I gotta be your man.

Are you sure? You scammer, are you sure? That’s what you people say all the time.

Lemme talk to you, say a few things.

Oya, I’m listening. Big head.

Girl I’m feeling you. What is up to you. Shey you know I gat you.

Hmmm. Alright take my number.

I love you ,I love you…There’s nothing above you.

Must you spoil it? Mtchew. Boy bye. Don’t call me at all. Nonsense and ingredient.