These stars combined to make me experience my first true ‘Eargasm’

How did February become so bright on a clear night where the stars showed up to get counted, and instead of brightening our world with their light, they rained down beautiful melodies upon all that they saw?

Orgasm for the ears, by the ears, for the ears. Earmocracy.

That’s what occupied my mind as I got the invite to show up at the event. The name was funny to be honest, and it inspired sinful thoughts, although directed at the ears. This was the second year of this event organized by Nigeria’s leading hospitality brand, Eko Hotel and Suites in partnership with Buckwyld Media Network.

I had missed the previous edition, and so attending this was an exercise in curiosity, as well as the seeking of new pleasures.

How do ears reach orgasm? How can I climax by listening to sounds flowing through my system? Can I ever get a release by just having performances from some of the best acts on offer?

So I got there early. The show had not started. I hug around at the lobby of Eko Hotels and Suites, and waited patiently for two hours to get into the venue. Between some of my friends and colleagues in the media came for hugs and some good old chat about how life is hard in Nigeria.

“I know life is hard. Don’t disturb me.”

I didn’t want anyone to ruin my perfect determination to climax from music. It was an experience on another level, and all of these small talk was just distracting.

So it was with great relief when at 9.05pm, the doors were swung open, and everyone could get into the hall where the music orgy was about to come on. This was Eargasm 2017. Yes Lord, take me to heaven!

A band was playing. The lead singer, was beautiful. She sang a lot of classics, backed by the impeccable melody from the band. But I wasn’t exactly turned on at that point. This was not what I bargained for. So I focused on other matters at hand. Or rather, at table.

The hall was beautifully arranged, with plenty of tables, and a sprawling stage that brought the action closer to the people. And on each table, everyone was spoiled for choice of drinks. From soft drinks to champagne, cognac and vodka, it was just a matter of choosing the right poison, or rather the best mix of them all to get you all lubricated for the Eargasm.

And then there were Burlesque dancers. They wore shining dresses, and took the entire event to 60’s America, by moving in sync, slapping their bums, and bending in odd ways, all with an attitude. Hallelujah.

Sadly, DJ Neptune took over from those impressive women, and began a slow but climbing set that eased tensions, and allowed the spirits relax. Then came Demmie Vee. The first performer, who did little to appease the crowd.

“Sing one song and go…” a table member said under her breathe. But I heard it clearly. There was something in my mixture of Ciroc and bitter lemon which gave me super powers to hear everything. Or was it just my ears loosening up and getting ready for intercourse?

Is this a sign Lord? Can dreams come true?

But Demmie Vee didn’t sing one song and go. In fact, he alone enjoyed himself, while the rest of the guests half-listened, while enjoying their drinks.

But thankfully, all bad things can come to an end, and Bovi, the host for the night came through. Every joke was a hit, back to back. He talked about the state of the economy, harangued the people with free tickets, and educated everyone about Valentine. Bovi is a master performer, and he maintained that standard all through the night.

The diminutive Acetune poured out his soul next, and engaged everyone as he cried for love and sang for ‘Rasheeda’, a distant love interest.

The only problem was that the performances were too long. Artistes had freewill to do as they pleased on stage, having spent months rehearsing with the full live band. If things had gone according to the original schedule, the performances would have been right in place. But it was getting late, and people were getting impatient.

Yinka Davies took everyone on a ride, teasing our ears with her sultry vocals. But Shina Peters, assaulted us all with three twerking women. His was a forceful performance, which had people dancing and joining in the madness. We didn’t complain. In fact, our ears and eyes began to climax.

There was space for Adekunle Gold to whip out some of his hit songs, but the performance of the night has to be the one from Styl Plus. The veteran boy band showed up, as Shiffi and Zeal, were in sync. They had the emotional advantage, and right there, the much anticipated sonic climax began. People hit the heights, and the air felt a little thing. The performance was fire.

Sexy Niyola pulled her weight, jiggled and shimmied for us all. We clapped and wished we could all become her lovers. And then came Frank Oshodi, who passed through admirably, before the headliner slots.

At this point, there was no time. 2face Idibia commented on his recent decision to pull out of a nationwide protest. He was cryptic about his reasons, choosing to hint, rather than explain. But he confirmed the involvement of external forces when he said:

“No be as you see am”.

We understand. This country is not as we think it is. And that thought lingered as the star gave everyone some good music. We had climaxed with Styl Plus. 2face was just elongating it.

Tekno wrapped up everything in style, with his hits doing just enough to drag us all over the edge and complete the lovemaking that music has had with us.

Did we achieve all that we expected? Yes. We came, we listened, and via our ears, we climaxed.

Eargasm was a success. A huge, engaging, and sexy success. We came, we saw, and came again.