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Women Talk Sex: I’m breaking my own rules this year

January 14th 2022, 6:41:21 pm

All of this year is a trial phase for me.

Women Talk Sex - The Broken Rules Edition

‘Women Talk Sex’ is Pulse’s weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure and what women expect good sex to be and feel like.

The first #WomenTalkSex edition of 2022 is one on resolutions and the idea of resetting new pleasure goals for the new year. Our subject wants to be less stiff and more into catching all the orgasms and pleasure available to her in this new year. “I’m 27. Before you know it, I’ll be 60 with grandkids and pegging will no longer be possible for me,” she says.

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Wait. Before we proceed, how old are you?

I’m 26 actually. But I should be 27 in June.

Is it too early to wish you a happy birthday in advance?

Lmao. Yeah, I think it is, but I'll take it since I may never hear from you ever in my life again. So, yeah, thanks.

Hahaha. You’re welcome. Now can you gist me about your first time?

Unremarkable. I’ve prepared this word in my head since I agreed to have this chat with you.


Yes o. The word is unremarkable. The events surrounding it were unremarkable, the guy was unremarkable, the relationship I had with him was unremarkable; so naturally, the experience was unremarkable as well. Yeah, sooo… na so the thing go.

Have you ever thought about why it was unremarkable?

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Apart from the fact that I was young, silly and had no real expectation of the act itself? I think it had to do with how quickly I forgot it and moved on. I don’t know if this makes any sense but at the time, I used to feel like I’d be glowing for days after having sex for the first time. You know how in movies, your friends will see you the morning after sex and just by how radiant you are, they’d be able to guess that you’ve done it? Well, I thought that was a given. But as you can guess, it didn’t happen and I just moved on and forgot it like it didn’t happen. The fact that the memory fizzled out quickly shocked me, too.

LOL. In Shaggy’s voice

Ah, e shock me o. But we move sha.

That’s the energy. You’re older now at 26. So what’s your sex life looking like?

Very stiff, I think. I don’t want to use the word unremarkable again but you get the point.

Ok, can you give me like an experience or something that captures this stiffness you’re referring to?

Uhmmm… let me see, let me see… I don’t think it’s one experience, per se. Maybe it’s just an aggregation of all. Oh wait. I remember an occasion when the person I was with wanted to eat my ass and wanted me to peg him as well and I found the conversation so repulsive that he had to dead the idea completely. Of course we are no longer together because I felt he was just too experimental and I am not about that life. This same guy thought the idea of having threesomes with a woman of my choosing and a man of his choosing was hot and steamy.

Oh oh

Yup. Omo he was waaaaay too much for me.

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But I’ll be honest with myself sha. Me too I have problem.

Hahahha. Everybody dey collect. Carry on with the dragging sha

So I’ve found that I really have silly rules when it comes to sex. I usually like to bath before it, which rules out the possibility of spontaneous sex or even early morning quickies and all that. I’ve also said no to anal sex, and there was this one time I really made someone feel really bad for trying to choke me even though he was doing it really lightly and all. That was a very awful experience sha. I just ruined the moment and I had to apologise for days later. And there are probably so many more that I can’t possibly remember. It’s a little unhealthy and tiring to have me as a sex partner, to be honest.

I’ll give you an A for self ref -

- I now look forward to being choked by the way. So, so much for initially being a scaredy cat. Sorry for cutting you short.

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Lmaooo. I was going to say A for self reflection and this just further proves my point.

I know right.

You’ve never given thought to why you are the way you are?

You mean this refusal to try things? I don’t know, to be frank. But it doesn’t matter anymore because I think I want to be more open-minded this year. I don’t know if it’ll be easy but I will give it a try. I have once said no to being bought a range of sex toys by a former partner, even though I am still too shy [and a little too broke] to get them for myself. I should probably use style to ask him if that offer is still on the table sha.

I hope that ship has not sailed

LOL. It probably has. Anyway, I won’t be missing any such opportunities anymore. But I may never ever have sex with a stranger sha, that openmindedness will forever be too much for me but every other thing is no longer off the table. Well, I hope.

Even that anal and pegging?

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If it doesn’t hurt, I’ll give it a try. I mean, I’m 27. Before you know it, I’ll be 60 with grandkids and pegging will no longer be possible for me. I mean, why not try it now to be sure I’m not missing anything or to open new levels of pleasure?

Operation get it all in 2022

I swear. But of course, it’s all a trial phase for me and I won’t hesitate to return to my old ways if these things don’t turn out as great as people say there are.

LOL. Sounds like an excuse to revert to your old sef before you even begin

Well. No one can say I didn’t try

True. I guess I shouldn’t bother asking you for your new year sex resolution anymore after hearing all of this

LOL. I already laid out all my plans - well, most of it - before you. I’m breaking all of my own rules this year. So help me God.

But what are you hiding?

You already have enough for your story. Bye.


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