‘#WomenTalkSexByPulse’ is Pulse’s weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure, and what women expect good sex to be and feel like.
Women Talk Sex: I keep playing hide and seek with celibacy
I have this love-hate thing going on with celibacy.
The subject of Women Talk Sex this week has been going in and out of celibacy for a significant part of her sex life. She speaks about her reason for trying to stay away from sex with partners, the struggles she experiences while at it, and leaves a wild sex tip at the end that you may find useful.
Let’s start from the beginning. Tell me when you became aware of sex
Omo. I really can’t place my finger on a particular time o. I think I am one of those people who have always been aware of sex. E don tey sha. That’s one thing I can say for sure.
LOL. OK. I’ll take that. How old are you now?
22 going on 23. I’ll be 23 in December.
Ok. So 23.
I’m not in a rush to get old so I prefer 22.
Ah. Sorry oh. Ok, 22.
Now let’s talk about your first time
15 and it was with a classmate after school one day like that. A group of us had gone to visit another sick classmate and after the visit, we ended up in his house because his house was on the way to mine. It’s not as if I didn’t know what was going to happen when we got there though. LMAO. So yeah, we went there and had clueless teenagers’ sex.
What happened after that first time experience?
I kinda felt bad for like two weeks, really. We are not that religious in my family but the whole ‘save yourself till marriage’ thing kind of made me feel bad for a bit. But of course, it didn’t take long to snap out of that. What is done is done.
What’s your sex life like these days?
I’m actually celibate at the moment. Been on it since February.
Oh. Interesting. That’s about 7 months. How has it been?
Let me start by saying that I have been here before. So it doesn’t feel like anything. I will be more pleased if I can go the whole year without having sex.
When you say you have been here before what does that mean?
Well, I have this love-hate thing going on with celibacy. Like, I keep playing hide and seek with it. I have gone on intentional sex droughts twice before. This is the third time and I am trying to see how far I can get with it. Would be nice to surpass the one year mark though.
You already mentioned that you are not much of a religious person so I’m guessing you’re doing this for non-religious reasons?
Oh, most definitely. I don’t know what it is or if it happens only to me but I usually feel like staying off for long periods, just to see how much I can subdue my urges. It gives me a kind of thrill to know that I can keep myself in check like that. And the good thing is that it gets better each time. The first time I tried it, I could only hold back for a month. There was this guy that was moving me to me crazily and I was feeling him too, so I let him cancel my celibacy subscription for me. LMAO. But the second time like this, 10months! And I think it only ended because I got into my first ever relationship and we were so in love with each other’s bodies. I guess that didn’t leave much space for celibacy. I've not been with anyone after we broke up, though. It’s been 7 months.
What do you struggle most with?
The early days. Every single time, I think the first month has always been crazily tough. I’ve only just become stronger in the way that I brave that storm. And the fact that I now know to expect it... that makes it a little easier as well.
So it’s plain sailing after the first month?
Not exactly oh. Plain sailing ke? LOL. When you’re 22-years old with raging hormones and some memories of great sex, I don’t think celibacy will ever be plain sailing. Sometimes I touch myself. It’s very rare though because I don’t particularly like self pleasure. But the urge can be overpowering sometimes, so yeah.
Does masturbation ruin the celibacy thing though?
Hahaha. I saw that coming from a mile away
LOL. It is what it is
I don’t think it does sha. Celibacy for me is staying away from partners. It’s a different thing if I am abstaining from sexual pleasure altogether. But this is something else entirely abeg. In any case, I rarely masturbate so… it’s all good, I guess.
I feel you. How would you rate your sex life over 10 though?
6. I have a long long way to go. And I like to think that even though I’ve experienced some toe-curling things, I’ve barely scratched the surface of pleasure that’s available to me. I heard sex in your 30’s is next level soul-snatching. Looking forward to all that.
Based on your experience of it, what would you say is great about celibacy?
No risk of catching STIs or risking your body count for mediocre sex.
Lmao. Came out guns blazing, didn’t you?
I guess. And this doesn’t get spoken of enough but comeback sex is the littest thing in this world. Damn!
I’m guessing comeback sex is the first one after you’ve been celibate for long?
Yup. Omo, you will be feeling everything like 5x more intensely. All the pent up frustration and tension and sexual energy will just be rioting as they’re released from your body. Omo, I highly recommend oh. But make sure you do it with someone who knows what he or she is doing. That’s how to go for maximum effect.
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