Even marriage might not stop you from crushing on other people. How does it feel to be in this situation?
One underrated struggle people in relationships face is how to handle themselves when they have serious crush on other people.
Here’s the thing: being genuinely in love with a man or woman does not magically take away the inclination to be attracted or to fall in love with other people.
If you think that getting your dream guy will automatically make you immune to every other man, you are on a long thing.
As a matter of fact, life seems to somehow have a way of bringing the most amazing people of the opposite sex your way just after you have already gotten into a relationship or decided to settle down with someone.
For example, if you have been following the popular Starz series, “Power”, you must have seen that episode, where Tasha [Naturi Naughton] was wondering out loud at the different course her life might have taken if she had met her husband’s lawyer, Terry Silver [Brandon Dixon] earlier than she did.
Getting into a serious relationship or even walking down the aisle to recite your wedding vows in front of God and man will not stop you from being attracted to other people.
It’s all part of the natural process. It’s one of the struggles you’ll likely experience and temptations you’ll have fight off to stay true to your partner.
When you find yourself attracted to someone while in an exclusive relationship with someone else, one of the things that you’ll have to wrestle with is the consideration of what could have been… the feeling of having moved too fast.
You’ll find yourself wondering what could have happened if you had waited a bit longer and if life would have been different with this new person instead of your partner.
But you really can’t allow yourself dwell on all that.
You know the grass is not always greener on the other side, and risking your relationship for something as uncertain and fleeting as an attraction could have disastrous, regretful consequences; especially if your relationship is going on pretty well already.
It’ll require a lot of discipline, especially if it’s a kind of lure that refuses to go away or one that you find yourself getting too weak to fight.
You will also find yourself making comparisons between both people, and there's every likelihood that your partner will lack in some areas where that other person excels.
One thing that’ll help is to think about what you are attracted to in that new man or woman and see if there are ways you can improve on those things in your partner and/or in your relationship.
If your attraction is fixed on things you can’t change or modify, just remind yourself of all the good things your partner does right… all the good things that made you say yes in the first instance.
Also try as much as possible to limit contact with such person.
In the end, it boils down to how committed you are to that partner and your relationship.
If it’s worth it, you’ll fight to make it work, even if it means passing up the opportunity to chase [and get] some of the gorgeous men and women you’ll ever see in your life.
McShayn's Love Thread is a weekly column that aims at explaining modern relationship practices, and tries to demystify relationship myths while proffering useful advice for stronger relationships and modern marriages. You can read other articles here.