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Are We In A Relationship? How & when to seek clarity when dating

When should you ask the 'what are we doing' question.

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Seeking the assurance of labels and asking difficult questions like 'what are we?' can be pretty tricky.

So here you are, meeting up with a guy for occasional dates, talking on the phone for hours, and just vibing well and getting to know each other.

As time goes on, the dates become more frequent…  you feel good with each other, everything is nice and sweet… but there are still no labels.

You are dating and basically doing other ‘relationship stuff’, but you’re still not in a relationship because, of course, the topic has not been broached even though it’s eating you up inside.

This is a familiar juncture for many ladies. The part where you have to say, "damn it, I need to know what we are doing here!"

Say no to stonewalling play

Say no to stonewalling

(Tonga GH)


After a while of dating and being together without labels, the need for clarification and clear expression of intent is needed so you know if what you’re feeling is mutual or you’re on your own.

You know it could go either way – he could just be enjoying the dates, sex and all that while you are already catching feelings and getting attached; or he could be feeling you too but wondering if the time to ask is right or not.

Also he could just be seeking just friendship with benefits, or just a casual sexual relationship.

ALSO READ: 5 ways to know a guy that's only stringing you along

The easiest way to find out would be to ask him, right?

To ask what is it you’re both doing; and what all the dates, hangouts, and phonecalls mean to him. You need to ask so you know whether you are both on the same page or not.

Sadly it’s never that easy to ask.

It is unwise to take breaks from your relationship when things are not going right play

It is unwise to take breaks from your relationship when things are not going right

(Shutterstock)


Most women fear that the guy might not be interested in a relationship, that all the time they’ve spent dating and hoping for a happy ending would be a waste. So they continue in the situationship even further… setting themselves up for bigger misery.

The real possibility of disappointment is not what many are prepared to face and imagine initiating this conversation and the guy happens to just be catching cruise and enjoying himself, with no feelings attached. That’ll be mightily awkward to say the very least.

These are some of the reason why many women would rather stay in the comfort of not asking the 'what are we' question.

When your relationship truly ends. play

When your relationship truly ends.

(KC)


However, as probable as the disappointment might be, you still need to know! Ignorance is not bliss in this situation!

If a guy is not clearly stating his intentions or putting labels on what's going on between you both and you feel time is being wasted, you need to absolutely ask. Regardless of fear of losing him.

But when is the right time to ask? Some believe one month is ideal depending on how quickly the bond is being created and how strong it’s getting.

In my opinion, you have to ask before the end of three months after your first meeting.

This is reasonable enough so that you don’t appear desperate to be in a relationship.

It also ensures you don’t stay too long dating him only to find out that he has no intention of being in a relationship with you.
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Watch the clip below to catch relationships vlogger, Eniola Abumere and his guest, Lape Soetan discuss this in the easiest, relatable and insightful way imaginable.

Lape is a relationships coach for women and you can watch the clip below to learn their opinion on how to ask the ‘are we in a relationship’ and when to seek clarity when dating.

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