The list of things that can affect your relationship negatively reads like a long script. It’s almost endless, ranging from little, and inconsequential things like leaving the toilet lid down or up. Big issues like disrespect, lack of communication also make up the list.
And then there is sex. Better put, a lack of it or a poor quality of it.
And here is why that could be a problem. Sex in a relationship is felt more when it’s inadequate than when it’s being done right. When all is going well in the relationship and sex is lit and all that, it contributes to the happiness between partners, but usually not in a grand way. It’s just there as one of the things you love about the relationship.
Take out the sex however, and it leaves gaping hole and a source of concern for one or both partners.
“There is an oft-repeated saying in the realm of sex therapy that when sex is satisfactory it is an important component of a relationship — adding about 20 percent to the overall positive experience of the relationship. However, when sex isn’t going well, it registers a negative impact of up to 70 percent on the experience for the individuals,” explains Toronto-based sex therapist Marion Goertz.
When your relationship thrives in many other aspects and suffers when it comes to sex and one or both partners are left in a dilemma. In such situation, you wonder if it’s worth it to stay in the relationship. You also wonder if you would be overreacting to walk away.
But experts advise that you shouldn’t think of a stale sex life as the end of the relationship. See it instead as a signal alerting you to the fact that a relationship tune-up is needed. “It’s like the engine warning light that a relationship is needing attention.”
One way to do this is by scheduling sex. If you once had a lit sex life and time just seem to have eroded it, you can bring back the spark by scheduling and getting more intentional about staying physically intimate with your partner and meeting their sexual needs.
In relationships where the sex has never been good, the obvious first thing to do would be to communicate with your partner and talk about how they can please you better. You should never be too shy to talk about sex if you intend for it to get better.
Also, be patient enough to see the changes materialize.
But ultimately, it could be a fundamental issue of sexual compatibility which may never end unless relationship ends.