Breakfast chronicles: “They broke my heart once; but it’ll never happen again”

‘Breakfast Chronicles’ is an editorial series by Pulse where we chat to people about breakups, and provide an outlet for the most hurtful emotional experiences they’ve been through. It’ll kickstart a healing process for some, and for others, it’ll be evidence of how far they’ve moved on. For you, readers, we hope it’ll be therapeutic and relatable.

We introduce #BreakfastChroniclesByPulse series with the story of this babe who says after getting served breakfast once, she has made it her life mission to never experience the agony ever again. Of four relationships that have failed so far, she has dished the heartbreak thrice, but none of that has been as remarkably hurtful as that one time when she was dumped and she “just wanted to die…”

How about we start with a summary of your dating history

Omo. Why does this sound very much like a job interview?

I know. I know. Ok, how many people have you been in a relationship with?

Hmmm. Relationships, I’d say four. But there have been maybe one or two people that I had something temporary with. We didn’t date but we were just hovering somewhere between ‘should we?’ and ‘should we not?’ That kind of thing.

So… talking stages that failed?

Yup. You can say that. Yeah, let’s say that was what they were.

I feel like there is more gist here but let’s just talk about the relationships that actually happened. How are you as a partner? Like, what can someone expect in a relationship with you?

Hmmm. I am very generous. I can say that one with my chest anywhere and anytime. My communication game isn’t as great as I’d like and I still get some bad mood swings, even though I am working on that and I am improving a whole lot. I do love PDA though, LOL. I like seeing couples on social media doing it, and I love sharing mine as well. Love PDA oh, I can’t even lie.

And how have your relationships been?

I’ve been in four that ended and I am currently single so I guess I have either not reached full form or I have not met people who are compatible enough. Any which way, I am single now so something hasn’t been working right in those relationships. We move sha.

How many of those relationships ended in heartbreak for you?

Just one. The second relationship. Others have ended in breakups for other people.

LMAO. A queen

Once bitten thrice shy, please.

I love an always-guiding queen.

Please! LOL.

So tell me your breakfast story

I was in 300L when this happened and omo… I wanted to die because we had no issues, no fights, no nothing. He just came back from one church gathering one day and broke up with me. Only God knows what they told him there. LMAO.

I bet it wasn’t so funny then. Thank God for growth.

Omo. We thank God o. Because I actually fell sick. I cried so much and lost concentration. All I wanted was for him to tell me why. He didn't. He never did and now I even doubt whether he knows why he did it too. Mumu boy. He was 20 and I was 19 at the time but you know how many boys were stupid and mindless at that age. So I guess that played a part.

How did heartbreak feel? Like, if you could put it into words, how would you describe it?

It’s actually painful. And I am not saying that in just the emotional sense. Like, physically. I felt hurt. My heart literally felt like it was aching. It was bad o, very bad. I really liked that boy that year. I mean, we barely fought, and we understood each other so much. LOL. All we had was money from our folks back home but we had a great relationship until he went and f—ked everything up.

Character building, I guess

Yup, yup. It is what it is. It had to happen, I guess.

How long did it take to totally get over him?

I like to say two semesters but it wasn’t complete until after NYSC camp because, by some cruel trick of the universe, we ended up in the same camp. I relocated afterwards sha. So that was when I really moved on with my life.

There weren’t any awkward meetings in all that time?

Of course, there were. We had sex twice sef but that was when the breakup was still fresh and I really wanted him back. We were cool for a bit and one thing led to another but I was clearly the only one who wanted the relationship to come back so I learnt my lesson quickly and shifted.

So that was your one and only traumatic breakup experience? What happened the other three times?

I was serving the breakfast, of course. LOL.

Would you say being heartbroken influenced your approach to your other relationships in any way?

Oh sure! I’ve unconsciously found myself asking my partners regularly if they were happy, or if there was any issue they had with me or the relationship. You know, so no one would spring any such surprise on me anymore. It’s crazy but you learn that people do crazy stuff and the only way to stay sane is to combat that as much as you can.

Was there a lesson you learnt from that experience that has actually had a positive impact on your subsequent relationships?

Maybe not a direct impact on my relationships but I have learnt to never ever convince anyone to love me. I’ve never been dumped after that singular experience, but I am surely not making the mistake of trying to change anyone’s mind about loving me. Too old for that sh— now. Never again.

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Breakfast stories are served hot every Tuesday. Come back at 5pm every week.