Romantic relationships have been known to fail for several reasons ranging from infidelity, dishonesty, incompatibility issues and of course, sex.
Far too many relationships and marriages still in existence are only held in place by nothing but a desire to save face and not due to an unbreakable bond shared by the partners. While it is true that emotional bonds are built on a foundation of trust, commitment and communication among several other blocks, sex plays a role just as important as many of these things put together.
This is why Aminat Ayeni, who believes that sex makes up for 50% of emotional bonds in relationships, has taken it upon herself to ensure that Nigerian couples, especially those in Lagos, take their sexual wellbeing a little more seriously, and that they enjoy every second spent exploring their sexual liberties.
Hurt and heartbroken after a failed relationship, the sex therapist headed out to Northern Nigerian sometime in 2016 and found out a wealth of local sex-enhancing products. Known and used by the locals for several ages, these local roots and herbs, popularly referred to as ‘Kayan Mata’ were pretty much still untapped and unused to the maximum.
Mesmerized and mindblown by what she found out during this research sojourn, Aminat returned to Lagos with what she calls “a heap of products” and after handing them to her married friends to try with their partners, it became pretty obvious that there was something exhilaratingly pleasurable in the things when her friends came back with glowing reports and reviews.
Those reviews have not stopped rolling in till date, even though her scope of distribution has expanded and clientele has grown massively.
Aminat Ayeni has since built a flourishing business on the back of those powerful products, and continues to service people both at her office in Lekki, Lagos and online where she has throng of followers on social media, Instagram especially.
Pulse Relationships brought the gorgeous and bubbly business woman and relationship expert in for an Interview recently, where she insightfully speaks about everything from her small beginnings to her biggest relationship tips ever.
Read full interview below:
How did you get into the sex therapy business and how instrumental has social media been in growing your business?
"I started this business about two and half years now. I had a terrible relationship. I was in a terrible relationship and I told a friend about it and the person was like… have you not heard of Kayan Mata. And I was like ‘what is that?’
"So I started doing my research about the Kayan Mata stuff. I picked up my bag, went to the north, started the research and then came back with a whole heap of products to Lagos. Unfortunately, my relationship was beyond sex.
"It was beyond repair so there was obviously no point for me using the products and the myth was you were not supposed to use these products if you were not married so I decided to give the products to few friends and they were like ‘what the hell Aminat? Where did you get those products from? My guy is just asking me for more.
"So I decided to take the business seriously. I started improving marriages, relationships, people’s sex lives etc.
"Instagram had just started then so I decided to start to advertise on Instagram and here we are!"
In your experience, both as an individual and an expert, what's the biggest sexual problem Nigerian couples have in their relationships and marriages?
“The number one issue that I come across on a daily basis is women not enjoying sex. Zero libido and it’s causing issues in relationships and marriages.
"Zero libido means they don’t have no interest in having sex. It’s like a chore for them to have sex. Like, they literally have no interest whatsoever in getting down to business.”
So could that have been… the fault of the men not pleasuring them enough to get them interested in trying [at other times]?
"I think it goes both ways. Yes, after child birth women lose their libido. They have zero libido.
“As Nigerians we are quite timid in the bedroom area. [People] look at it like it’s a taboo to talk about sex and they do not talk to their spouse, they don’t talk to their spouse… husbands, and boyfriends on how they should explore their body to enjoy sex. So that’s a major issue. If you are not , how are you supposed to enjoy sex?
"So if you are able to tell your man say, ‘look, these are my weak spots. I need to be satisfied here, I need to be satisfied there, obviously that a key to having a better sex life but if you are not communicating with your man at all, sex is definitely going to be wack.”
About your products, shouldn't men know about these things being used on them? And if it's a man using it, shouldn't his partners know about it?
“We have all sorts of people that come to me. We have those who are really serious about enhancing their sex lives.
"I have a lady that actually came to me. Madam, my husband told me about you and she’s actually a VVIP.
"She came to me, told me about everything. I gave her products, and her and her husband literally live on my page. The other day, he said to me ‘Amina, you need to send my own products you just can’t be servicing my wife and we have other people who would not want their husbands to know because they have an agenda or they just want the guy to notice something different but then again I think all my products are not something you should really hide from your guy.
"Then again if he is not asking, what he does not know will not hurt him. So far you are being genuine about it and you’re not doing it to spite anybody and not using it for the wrong reasons.
"But there’s nothing to hide about my products. It is for those who want to improve their sex life. If the guy notices something and says something, you can say ‘oh babe, I used something’.
"There is no taboo about using my products.”
So, how does someone broach the topic to their partner? Could you help with best ways to do this, especially with a partner who seems to not like the idea?
“I do not like the using the word ‘Kayan Mata for my products.’ My products are aphrodisiacs whereas the word Kayan Mata means women’s things which actually means nada.
“Everyone is different. Everyone has different ways of communicating with their guy. And it depends on the rapport you have with your guy.
“I would personally use it and not let him know till after I’ve used it and then later ask him ‘oga, didn’t you enjoy me?’
"So it depends on the rapport you have with your guy and if he’s totally against it, then you have to totally respect your man’s opinion.”
When people get great sex off these aphrodisiacs, how do they keep up afterwards? Is mind-blowing sex possible without aphrodisiacs? How do you advise them to keep up the pace even without the use of the aphrodisiacs.
“The products are just enhancers. I have clients that cannot live without my products and I have those that just come every three months. It depends on individuals. It’s like a drug. If you are really enjoying it, you wound wanna use it more. People approach me close to their anniversaries and they want to give extra. But you know, if I want to satisfy my man on a regular, obviously I will use it all the time!
"Like I said, it depends on individuals but then again, I think it’s something you should have all the time! If not all the products, at least, one or two to make ‘it’ special.
"Come on, you can’t drink tea with no sugar, can you? It’s boring!”
Some people have shown a dislike and other negative comments about local aphrodisiacs and Kayan Mata products. How do you deal with these negative opinions about your products and what you do?
“The truth is, you can never satisfy everyone because I didn’t have as much confidence as I have now so when negative comments used to come through, I used to get really really emotional.
"Thank God for some of my really really good friends who would say ‘Amina, is it really everyone that you would answer?’
“So I was able to overlook it and I have realized that you cannot satisfy everybody. So it is what it is. I know what my products are. I know my passion and everything. I’ve been able to get through and I look at celebrities, you know.
“If they’re able to move beyond all these stuff, so why can’t I?”
Apart from aphrodisaics, what advice would you give to couples who are struggling with their sex and love lives respectively?
“You know, I’ve been saying this thing: communication is very very important. If you are able to communicate with your man, with your woman, you would be able to get through it. And patience.
“Patience and communication are so important and you’ll go a long way.”
In your opinion, is good sex enough to keep a man [or woman] from straying?
“No of course not. Although sex is very important but that’s not the only thing. This is what people keep misquote about me.
"Sex is literally… 50%. Patience, communication, you need to ignore so much shit that happens in your relationship and just keep busy. I feel those factors keep a relationship. And add friendship to that list, too
“When I say keep busy, I’m saying when you are not busy you see everything. If you are not busy, you will be nagging the person. All of those things are irritating, you know. So you need to keep busy. Find your passion, go to work, so what you have to do but be able to give your spouse the attention when they need it but also don’t be so needy.
“Oh, yeah, and God. You’re gonna need a lot of prayers to keep your relationship and marriage going but remember, sex is very very important.”
The article was first published in Feb, 2018.