One thing that amazes me is how they all say the same thing to their children. It's like they all attend a school that teaches them what to say to their kids on different occasions. If you think I'm just being nasty, tell a couple of Nigerian kids some of these lines and see if they won't conveniently relate.
1. While talking to you, they call your name a good number of times and next thing you hear is, how many times did I call you?
2. When you're about leaving for college or something. They'll always tell you remember the son of who you are.
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3. When you come home with your result sheet, even if you came second or third, it doesn't really matter as long as you didn't come first, the next thing they say is that, when I was your age, I always came first. This actually leaves us wondering who comes second or last in the class, since they all came first.
4. When you're complaining that a something is hard (probably a subject in school or complaining generally about life), they'll ask you, your mates that are making it out there, do they have two heads?
5. When you tell your mum you're hungry, the next thing she tells you is, come and eat me.
6. When they send you on an errand to bring something for them, and you ask them where should keep it, their reply will be put it on my head.
7. When you offend your mum, and she doesn't know what to say to you anymore, the next thing she says is I didn't kill my mum, so you cannot kill me.
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8. When you do something wrong and they are correcting you, they will say, you think you're doing me, you're doing yourself.
9. When you try to apologise to them, they'll be like, sorry for yourself.
10. When they're beating you for something you did and you're trying to protect yourself from the cane, they'll say, you want to beat, abi? Oya, go ahead and beat me
11. After beating you and you start crying, they'll tell you to hold your mouth. If I hear 'pem'
12. When you take permission from them to go see your friend, they'll ask you if your friend cannot come and greet you at home or can't you just sit at home.
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13. Just because you spend most of your time pressing your phone rather than chatting with them, when something (like having a flu) happens to you, they'll say it's because you're always pressing your phone.
14. When you borrow your mum some money and you ask her to give it back when you need it, she'll tell the history of your birth down to your present age.
Nevertheless, we love our Naija parents just the way they are.
